With the holidays approaching this is a time of expectations. If you have been dating a new man for three to six months - or happen to be in a relationship that seems to be moving sideways instead of going forward, it may be time for the talk.
Even if you are married and your relationship has hit a snag, you may have concluded that it is time to make some relationship decisions. This is important for women. However, men generally cringe when women even remotely suggest the talk or have that look in their eyes that says, "We need to talk." Tricky Relationship Talks: Men's Health
In essence there are several questions here.
Having the talk may be age and diamond-related
Younger women, who are watching all of their friends marry, may feel particularly anxious about their single status. Those wanting to start a family may feel a sense of urgency after a new relationship passes the three or six month mark. Bridal Fever - Trailer - YouTube
On the other hand women who have been in a relationship for several years may feel the need for the talk to determine whether or not they will be sporting a sparkling engagement ring.
For women with careers or women who have been divorced - as the trend continues towards living together instead of marriage - there may be no need at all for the talk.
Older women, those in their sexy sixties, may have just one reason for the talk - some researchers contend that married couples are healthier and have better sex than the single set.
4 reasons to have or avoid the talk
If you are going to have the talk, set the stage gently and do not try to ambush your guy just before walking into a party. Perhaps, instead of having the talk, just ask him first if he has given any thought to the relationship. Chances are that he will say, "No." So drop it.
Then in a few weeks you might say that you are a little concerned and could he please hear you out. Then be clear and direct: You are wondering if he is content with the relationship or should the two of you be dating others? This may trigger just enough concern to start a dialogue.
When married couples have the talk
If you both have been struggling with your marriage for more than six months -- which is 5 months too long -- and issues have not resolved, it is probably too late for the talk but the right time for a marriage counselor.
"But it takes teamwork and commitment from spouses willing to work hard at getting their marriages back on track. Re-establishing trust and finding ways to manage overwhelming painful emotions are key to the healing process."
The risk and ways to avoid the talk
The biggest risk with having the talk is this - you may lose. If you find your man is on a different page, you may have to face facts and walk away. While this may seem hurtful, it is better to walk away as friends than to go through the bitterness of unfulfilled, unspoken expectations that are yours, but not his.
Here are some thoughts on ways to avoid the talk altogether:
I checked in with the Beltway Bachelor on this one [Why men won't commit] and asked how guys feel about the question, "Where is this relationship going?" He answered my question with the questions: "Why does it have to be going anywhere? Why can't it just be?"
Copyright 2011 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved
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