Withdrawal as a method of conflict management in a couple is as effective and risky as withdrawal as a method of birth control: The pleasure of the relationship is profoundly affected in both examples.
A Yiddish proverb states “You can't dance at two weddings with one behind.” At times, conflicts are inevitable. Sometimes, they are hard to resolve. But always they are worth addressing. A productive argument is often the kindest way to show “I Love You”.
Calm discussion of a disagreement allows a clearer definition of a problem and is the first step to finding a resolution for a conflict. What you argue about, when you argue, and how you argue all have consequences and determine when and whether arguing can be used as a weapon for power or a tool to enhance intimacy.
What are some common love-relationship conflicts?
Conflicts of demands. One spouse craves a restful vacation on a beach; the other needs the stimulation of a city or an adventure. A child marries and must decide with whom, where, and how to celebrate future holidays and milestones. The more complex the family structure, like adding divorce, remarriage, or ambiguous status into the picture, the more complicated these demands can become.
How can conflicts like these be resolved amicably, with civility?
Agree about times for discussion to take place. Such talks can be part of normal routines, like a Sunday night schedule review. Or the couple can pledge they will never go to bed without a resolution of something that leaves one (or both) feeling hurt or angry.
Why can addressing conflict show love?
What conflicts do you and a loved one most routinely struggle with? What is at the source of these struggles? What response is your first inclination when a struggle begins? How does your loved one typically behave? How can you shift this dynamic so that discussion and resolution become the norm?
Copyright 2017 Roni Beth Tower