Falling in love is often easier than staying in love, but few of us understand how to change that. This post outlines my work with a couple on the brink of calling it quits, feeling there is no tunnel, they wonder how they can see the light? Using principles of Emotionally Focused Therapy this post examines where we go wrong in love and how to begin to fix it.
“She had done the usual trick—been nice. She would never know him. He would never know her. Human relations were all like that, she thought, and the worst…were between men and women.” - Virginia Woolf, To the Lighthouse
There are no words to describe how racism feels. How does a child reach their full potential and exercise their rights as citizens of this country when they are given messages every day that they are worthless human beings? What if it was your son or daughter? What would you do? –Mark Williams, 1999
I had stood speechless. The fiery words that clamored within me smoldered in my mouth, but I had swallowed them, I always did. I felt relieved when he turned away from me and began to walk away, but looking back he had shouted, loud enough for everyone who had been looking on to hear, “A f---ing dot head is who you are. Go home!”
Follow your heart and put in the effort, and when you find yourself in the right place, in the place you need to be, all the doors and windows will fly open to help you become who you were meant to be.
Every relationship we enter is fraught with the risk of ending and when we focus on the potential of it ending, not on why we met, not on what we are meant to learn, we live in that relationship not brimming with love but bounded by fear.
Life doesn’t spare any of us. It doesn’t matter if you are a movie star, a psychologist, or a writer, we all experience disappointment, heartbreak, discouragement, and despondence. We just need to get back up one more time than we are knocked down.
About On Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Insight
This blog is a melding of my interests in psychology, mythology, and literature. At times in this blog I may refer to my patients. When I do, it is after obtaining their consent and changing identifying details about who they are. I hope their stories of self-discovery serve as a torch that sheds light on your journey inward and helps you better write what you would like the story of your life to look like.