Get Out of Yourself

We are fortunate when something happens that extricates us from an excessive focus on ourselves. The hardest burden in life is self-centeredness.

When is Enough, Enough?

If we knew for certain how long it would go on, we could pace ourselves in caregiving situations and parcel out our energies. But this is rarely the case. Even when a parent reaches an advanced age like ninety, there can be several more years of mutual captivity when the parent has to receive too much and it's hard to figure how much giving is enough.

Childhood Lasts a Thousand Years

Childhood lasts a thousand years; the rest of life passes in a blink of time by comparison. Thus, an adaptation made to our particular circumstances long ago may live on in adulthood as cringing around conflict, a habit of self-reliance, barriers against intimacy, set ways of doing things, or other expressions of what happened during that thousand-year period.

Emotional Affairs: Why They Hurt So Much

Feeling understood on the level of the soul is far more sexy than sex itself. Restoring such excitement to the marriage is the best recourse for those who want to go on enjoying the privilege of having a partner throughout life.

Boxes of Old Letters, Burdens or Treasures?

Those born into the Internet age may never know how it feels to see a loved one's handwriting on an envelope pulled from a mailbox.

Your Parents Are Afraid of You

Finally seeing our parents as people is similar to reading a novel at twenty and then reading it again at forty. The reader changes so much in the intervening years that the book seems entirely different. In the second reading, passages that were barely noticed before become significant and moving, and chapters previously skimmed become central.

The Great Pool of Grief

Inside all of us is a great pool of grief that keeps enlarging as each fresh loss is added to the others. This is why we often find ourselves weeping for earlier losses along with a present heartache. Sometimes even a sad scene in a movie will get me into that pool, and my tears flow from that indistinguishable source.

Live Like Your Life Depends on It

Life gets better on every level as we get older, except the physical, but stereotypes about aging are so insidious and the physical realities are so prominent that we miss seeing the inner radiance that so many attain.

Unconnected, Just Alive

I don’t carry a cell phone or a web-connected device. I can’t stand the idea of having my attention taken away from who or what is immediately around me. I like to be where I am. Especially if I am walking with a beloved person in the woods near my home, I wouldn’t want to be transported electronically to the vicinity of some other person and place.

The Difficulty of Receiving

It is much harder to receive than to give, yet this truth is rarely recognized.

Faking the Holiday Spirit

Amidst a convivial atmosphere, feeling blue is a direct route to loneliness but pretending to be happy is a terrible burden. There are ways to break through the pretense.

Dispensing with the Trivial

Imagine being able to rise above an immediate frustration, to relegate it to a pile of trivial concerns and feel much less bothered. We are constantly assailed with pettiness – tasks, errands, irritants, disputes and ordinary mishaps – and so being able to call up a larger, overriding perspective is surely a key to living well. How do we acquire and hone this capacity?

The 20's: Our Hardest Years

Our society's veneration of youth is excessive and misleading. Youth is a time of uncertainty, confusion, and angst. As we get older, we figure out how to live.

Getting Better All the Time

“What makes a good marriage?” I once posed this question to a 99-year-old man with some experience in this matter.

The Scents of Our Lives

The kinds of memories summoned by smell can arise when we are least prepared for the extent of their power.

Slowing Down at Last

We have to slow down, because we do not have much time. Zen Saying

At Last, Following Your Heart's Desire

Putting off what you really want to do can go on for years.