A Politically Incorrect Examination of the Human Nose
The nose is a greatly under appreciated appendage. It goes by many names, proboscis, snout, honker, schnoze, snoot, sniffer, bill, and beak to name a few. Scientists have identified 14 types of noses: the snub, the Dutchess, The fleshy, the hawk, the Mirren, the Greek, the aquiline, the Roman, The Rumpole, The Lenin, the Redknapp, The Nixon, and the Tara. (1)
Some of the most popular nose names for babies are: Button, a description of a baby’s nose; Cameron, crooked nose; Courtney, short nose; Cyrano, inspirational nose; Griffin, hooked nose; and Nesbit, a bent shaped nose. (2)
Researchers have studied rhinotillexomania (nose-picking). (3) Questionnaires were sent out to 1000 random residents living in Dane County, Wisconsin to survey their nose picking behaviors. Two hundred and fifty-four people responded. The salient findings reveal:
• 8.7% claim that they have never picked their nose,
• 49.2% of the respondents thought that nose-picking was common in adults,
• 25.6% picked their noses daily, 22.3% do it 2 to 5 times each day, and three people admitted to doing it at least hourly,
• 82.8% picked their noses to unclog the nasal passages, 66.4% had done it to relieve discomfort or itchiness, 35.7% to avoid the unsightly appearance of a booger hanging from their nose, 34.0% for personal hygiene, and 17.2% picked out of habit. 2.1% claimed to pick solely for enjoyment, and one person identified their nose as an object of sexual stimulation,
• 65.1% used their index finger, 20.2% used their pinky, and 16.4% used their thumb to pick their noses,
• 90.3% disposed of nose debris in a tissue or a handkerchief, while 28.6% used the floor, and 7.6% wiped the human waste on furniture, and
• 8% of the respondents ate their own buggers, which they described as salty.
A nose can accomplish many amazing feats. A nose can sniff out a bad deal without smelling a thing. A nose can stick itself into other people’s business without touching anything. A nose can smell a rat when no rats are about. A nose can run without actually taking a step. A nose can be out of joint without being broken. A nose can grow without increasing in size when a lie is told. A nose can be held to a grindstone without getting a scrapped. A nose can be led around by an imaginary ring. A nose can have a job without working. A nose can bite itself without leaving teeth marks to spite the face to which it is attached. A nose can even win by itself. Above all, the nose is highly intelligent in a homonymic world, but I digress.