Irrelationship

Career

Are You or Your Boss a Benevolent Tyrant?

Mark B. Borg, Jr, Ph.D., Grant H. Brenner, MD, & Daniel Berry, RN, MHA on April 11, 2016

The day-by-day sharing of space and tasks makes the workplace a powerful incubator for routines of irrelationship.

The day-by-day sharing of space and tasks makes the workplace a powerful incubator for routines of irrelationship.

Relationships

What Does A Successful Relationship Look Like?

Mark B. Borg, Jr, Ph.D., Grant H. Brenner, MD, & Daniel Berry, RN, MHA on April 4, 2016

Irrelationship allows us to interact with each other to maintain mutual unawareness of the threat of getting what we (think we) want in long-term love: intimacy, for instance.

Irrelationship allows us to interact with each other to maintain mutual unawareness of the threat of getting what we (think we) want in long-term love: intimacy, for instance.

Altruism

Generosity as Isolation

Mark B. Borg, Jr, Ph.D., Grant H. Brenner, MD, & Daniel Berry, RN, MHA on March 29, 2016

Generosity and altruism are, of course, wonderful qualities. They are also the sheep’s clothes of irrelationship, allowing us to hide our anxiety about being close to others.

Generosity and altruism are, of course, wonderful qualities. They are also the sheep’s clothes of irrelationship, allowing us to hide our anxiety about being close to others.

Relationships

Listening to Hear

Mark B. Borg, Jr, Ph.D., Grant H. Brenner, MD, & Daniel Berry, RN, MHA on March 21, 2016

We don't know what your lives are like, but we're hoping that you can muster up six minutes to communicate effectively—to experiment with listening and being heard.

We don't know what your lives are like, but we're hoping that you can muster up six minutes to communicate effectively—to experiment with listening and being heard.

Anxiety

How Avoiding Difficult Dynamics Undermines Work Productivity

Mark B. Borg, Jr, Ph.D., Grant H. Brenner, MD, & Daniel Berry, RN, MHA on March 14, 2016

Community character, as a function of irrelationship, is a group defense that people in groups unconsciously establish/maintain to protect them from being overwhelmed by anxiety.

Community character, as a function of irrelationship, is a group defense that people in groups unconsciously establish/maintain to protect them from being overwhelmed by anxiety.

Relationships

Later Never Comes—Betrayal and the Threat of Intimacy

Mark B. Borg, Jr, Ph.D., Grant H. Brenner, MD, & Daniel Berry, RN, MHA on March 7, 2016

Understanding avoidance requires examining how betrayal in childhood leaves its mark on adult relationships.

Understanding avoidance requires examining how betrayal in childhood leaves its mark on adult relationships.

Marriage

Why Do We Stay Unwell?

Mark B. Borg, Jr, Ph.D., Grant H. Brenner, MD, & Daniel Berry, RN, MHA on February 29, 2016

Being well or unwell in relationship and in irrelationship are both two-person processes.

Being well or unwell in relationship and in irrelationship are both two-person processes.

Relationships

The Threat of Intimacy in Our Daily Lives

Mark B. Borg, Jr, Ph.D., Grant H. Brenner, MD, & Daniel Berry, RN, MHA on February 22, 2016

Intimacy in our everyday lives is about our working through—together—our fear of accepting each other as we are: allowing ourselves to accept and be accepted, love and be loved.

Intimacy in our everyday lives is about our working through—together—our fear of accepting each other as we are: allowing ourselves to accept and be accepted, love and be loved.

Relationships

Can We Co-Create Emotional Unavailability?

Mark B. Borg, Jr, Ph.D., Grant H. Brenner, MD, & Daniel Berry, RN, MHA on February 15, 2016

Irrelationship is not a self-against-the-world defense against the anxieties of every day life. It is a dynamic—a defense system that we co-create and co-maintain with others.

Irrelationship is not a self-against-the-world defense against the anxieties of every day life. It is a dynamic—a defense system that we co-create and co-maintain with others.

Relationships

Valentine's Day—Love's Amateur Night

Mark B. Borg, Jr, Ph.D., Grant H. Brenner, MD, & Daniel Berry, RN, MHA on February 11, 2016

Valentine’s Day provides an opportunity to test the waters and see what it might be like if we allowed the intimacy and vulnerability of our partnership to happen every day.

Valentine’s Day provides an opportunity to test the waters and see what it might be like if we allowed the intimacy and vulnerability of our partnership to happen every day.

Narcissism

Narcissism and Abuse as a Co-Created Relationship System

Mark B. Borg, Jr, Ph.D., Grant H. Brenner, MD, & Daniel Berry, RN, MHA on February 8, 2016

Labeling the other person as pathological to justify leaving them is one way to avoid intimacy. We don’t see how we repeatedly transform each other into what we don't want.

Labeling the other person as pathological to justify leaving them is one way to avoid intimacy. We don’t see how we repeatedly transform each other into what we don't want.

Relationships

5 Steps to a Better Valentine's Day

Mark B. Borg, Jr, Ph.D., Grant H. Brenner, MD, & Daniel Berry, RN, MHA on February 1, 2016

Valentine’s Day is a day that can be fraught with and weighed down by expectations. Perhaps we can mitigate potential problems by prepping for it together.

Valentine’s Day is a day that can be fraught with and weighed down by expectations. Perhaps we can mitigate potential problems by prepping for it together.

Relationships

The Cost Of Personal Relationships To Career Development

Mark B. Borg, Jr, Ph.D., Grant H. Brenner, MD, & Daniel Berry, RN, MHA on January 27, 2016

Without realizing it, do we think about relationships in outmoded 20th Century terms? How can we adjust our thinking to accommodate the array of options available now?

Without realizing it, do we think about relationships in outmoded 20th Century terms? How can we adjust our thinking to accommodate the array of options available now?

Relationships

Making Sense of First Love

Mark B. Borg, Jr, Ph.D., Grant H. Brenner, MD, & Daniel Berry, RN, MHA on January 22, 2016

The future history of irrelationship will be revealed in what we experience as first love.

The future history of irrelationship will be revealed in what we experience as first love.

Altruism

Beware of Performers Bearing Gifts

Mark B. Borg, Jr, Ph.D., Grant H. Brenner, MD, & Daniel Berry, RN, MHA on January 13, 2016

Being generous is, of course, a wonderful quality. It is also the sheep’s clothes of irrelationship, allowing us to hide our anxiety about being close to others.

Being generous is, of course, a wonderful quality. It is also the sheep’s clothes of irrelationship, allowing us to hide our anxiety about being close to others.

Caregiving

Discovering Your Defense Against The World

Mark B. Borg, Jr, Ph.D., Grant H. Brenner, MD, & Daniel Berry, RN, MHA on January 7, 2016

Irrelationship is a joint psychological defense system, but how does our interaction with the world shape our relationship with ourself?

Irrelationship is a joint psychological defense system, but how does our interaction with the world shape our relationship with ourself?

Mating

Holidating

Mark B. Borg, Jr, Ph.D., Grant H. Brenner, MD, & Daniel Berry, RN, MHA on December 21, 2015

Holidating may be a way that irrelationship helps us—and someone not so close or special—keep the holidays blues, and anxieties, away.

Holidating may be a way that irrelationship helps us—and someone not so close or special—keep the holidays blues, and anxieties, away.

Relationships

Working and Living Through What Irrelationship Represses

Mark B. Borg, Jr, Ph.D., Grant H. Brenner, MD, & Daniel Berry, RN, MHA on December 15, 2015

This is the story of how two men—after a decade of struggling to reject their feelings for each other—love, work and love through irrelationship together.

This is the story of how two men—after a decade of struggling to reject their feelings for each other—love, work and love through irrelationship together.

Anxiety

Two Sides to Repression in Irrelationship: A Different View

Mark B. Borg, Jr, Ph.D., Grant H. Brenner, MD, & Daniel Berry, RN, MHA on December 7, 2015

Irrelationship can most certainly serve as a jointly created means of keeping the repressed—well—repressed.

Irrelationship can most certainly serve as a jointly created means of keeping the repressed—well—repressed.

Relationships

Happy Holidays—Or Else!

Mark B. Borg, Jr, Ph.D., Grant H. Brenner, MD, & Daniel Berry, RN, MHA on November 23, 2015

Being haunted by the idea that other people are “better” at holiday celebrations than we are can drive us to “fix” our own family’s time together. But this preoccupation with “getting it right” can become an emotional wedge between ourselves and those we’re trying to please.

Being haunted by the idea that other people are “better” at holiday celebrations than we are can drive us to “fix” our own family’s time together. But this preoccupation with “getting it right” can become an emotional wedge between ourselves and those we’re trying to please.