Hi there! This post was removed from Psychology Today by the author, but you can still read it in its original form here:
Wife: "What do you love better, honey, my gorgeous body or my pretty face?"
Husband: "Your sense of humor, sweetheart!"
What I love about women is their ability to be soft and comforting.
What I don't like is that they don't use that ability unless they want something.
You know after you fall in love the 1st time, and get married, then years later get divorced, being the one left behind, you feel you'll never ever find that same feeling again.
I met a girl 3 years older than me. In tremendous physical condition, blonde hair, blue eyes, voice that was like taking drugs it mesmerized me so I could have listened forever.
She was intelligent, very very smart. Yet she did not flaunt that.
I fell for her. She wanted to make love the 2nd day we'd known each other. We were making out like 16 year old teens in love for the first time. It was absolutely insanely crazy wonderful.
I felt as though I was going to have, and I'm not being ugly, but felt like I was going to orgasm in my pants right there.
Her scent, her smooth face, her eyes, her voice, the breathing, her moves, her hands pulling me close, it was like a dream.
That particular evening I was badly sunburned and my skin hurt. I'd just started taking blood pressure meds which made me incredibly tired.
And, my belief in GOD made me back off. I think I made the "woman scorned" thing jump out. It was like she thought "you mean I'm practically pleading with you and it's so obvious I want you and you do nothing"?
This is the night that she withdrew and it caused her to eventually move away from me. We dated about 4-5 weeks more, but I could never get her in that same situation again as she'd think of something else to do.
Was it that she was not going to be "turned down" again?
Naturally after she told me "no chemistry" I still tried to get her to change her mind. And oddly enough she does not "remember that 2nd night" when we were headed for making love.
I'd do anything to get her back. At this age those perfect fits just don't come so often. I read where women over 55 are extremely picky about sexual partners for some reason.
When we held each other close after that 2nd night I know she could feel me in the excited state. I know she could.
She told me from day one, "one strike and you're out". I told her "isn't it wonderful Jesus Christ gave us a 2nd chance" to which she couldn't respond...............I got her on that one.
She is still single. That was 1 1/2 years ago. She's still searching. She's been divorced for 25 years and dated a lot.
I've been single for 22 years, by choice.
I still pray that we'll connect, we're in the same church, a big church. I still pray that somehow she'll think, "gosh, he really wasn't that bad and everything else was right", as she told me upon breaking up.
There were no fights. None.
She said "no expectations" yet from day one she had multiple expectations. My socks weren't right, my hair needed a trim, my sideburns needed to grow a bit longer, my clothes were outdated, my truck needed to be bigger, I needed to "not be so serious".
Had she only been patient, and let nature run it's course, a solid perfect match would have materialized.
Everytime I pray about her, I see a red car or red truck. She drove a red Chrysler Sebring. Does that mean anything?
Get over it....she has moved on. That is what you get for chasing after someone who is better than you. She tired of your boring self. Try chasing after the woman who isn't so perfect and maybe you will find happiness.
I am married over twenty years and still dating. ; )
She is actually NOT better than me. Any woman who runs the roads for 27 years sleeping with men all over the place, not cooking for any of them, is USING those men. Sounds like gold digger to me. Taking advantage of men's good nature just so she won't have to spend her money is not nearly anywhere close to being Christian. The woman is not perfect. She might think she is, but the world is still the same and what goes around comes around. The boomerang always returns to the place from which it was thrown. We reap what we sow.
I know this is old but I just stumbled upon this question while
searching for answers myself. You are definitely the one who
is too good for the snowflake of a woman. She sounds good
to you because she is good at her "game". She is the loser.
Hang in there cause you are what a good woman wants. You
did the right thing by letting her go. There is WAY better out
James, it sounds like you are still hurt. It sounds like it is time for you to move on. I am a believer too but if a guy puts pressure on me by using God then it makes me run away from him like crazy. God always lets us choose what we want and no one wants to feel pressured into being with someone else.
This woman was going to the same Church that I was going to. It's a rather large Church. She goes to more Church functions, women's training sessions, etc. than I do.
She wanted sex just barely past 1 day after meeting her. This is what I was tripped me up. Had she waited till we knew each other better, she'd have met more than her match.
However, I'm now beginning to think she merely wanted a free ride, she does NOT cook therefore it was me paying meals 3 x's per day, count the funds it takes to eat out every single day. Quite expensive.
I'm more angry than hurt because I was used.
I forgive, and I'm gone, moving on.
If a woman wants to jump into sex before getting to know you, she's not interested in a relationship nor does she have any feelings for you. She's just horny & wants sex. Plus if a guy tries to have sex with a girl too soon, before he gets to know her, he could destroy any potential relationship because he didn't give her enough time to develop feelings before having sex, therefore, she will never fall in love with him.
Having sex too early does destroy the relationship. I met a wonderful man who is just as attracted to me as I was to him. We got along great we were together like best friends. But It Happened One Night quite by accident. He felt terrible about it. Because he knew the consequences of it. At that point, he wanted to pull back and wanted to take it slow. Start off as friends and no promises. The minute he said no promises, I withdrew. I felt used.
Yes... Having sex too soon can destroy a wonderful thing.
I love this
" met a girl 3 years older than me. In tremendous physical condition, blonde hair, blue eyes, voice that was like taking drugs it mesmerized me so I could have listened forever."
Wow....that reason sounds deep to justify falling for her
You snarl that shes a gold digger, doesnt cook, sleeps around....
Where were these observations when you were staring at her body and listening to her voice.
I would have thought a Christian man would have dug further to find the real person before falling for her and expecting her to cook for you.
And whats wrong with her sleeping with men? How does that make her bad
Between that and the cooming for a man comment I can see you were born when people were using beads to do math
How about practicing that Christian grace youre so fond of throwing out and have co.passion not contempt
Sounds to me like she was hurt real bad in her marraige or by someone before that.
She deserves your compassion not your nudgement.
I love & like men. Not the pervy or creepy men though.
However, women often complain that he doesn't treat her like a Queen. But she must also treat him like a King. My boyfriend will carry my bag, and I will get him & serve him food in drink. Showing honor goes both ways :)
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Shawn Smith is a licensed psychologist in Denver, Colorado.
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