An Inauthentic Apology Can Be Maddening

Why is apologizing as difficult as a root canal for some people? This is how we may respond when we're protecting our image rather than sincerely apologizing.

Do You Feel Guilty or Ashamed?

This article helps us find a language to differentiate between how we feel when we make a mistake or fall short of our ideals from the paralyzing shame of being a mistake.

Re-Envisioning Commitment

Many of us seek commitment in order to create safe, lasting relationships. But a deeper inquiry might suggest that we need to fine-tune what we're actually committing ourselves to.

The Power of Healthy Shame

While toxic shame is destructive, healthy, friendly shame can offer a path toward seeing more clearly how we are affecting others. Friendly shame can get our attention.

Are You Addicted to Perfection?

We want to excel in our lives, but how can we differentiate the pursuit of excellence from a shame-driven desire for perfectionism?

Can Shame Be Your Friend?

Shame is often destructive and toxic. But can shame have a healthy aspect? This article explores how a light, friendly sense of shame can serve our lives and relationships.

Why We Like Being Appreciated

We all likening appreciated, but what is it about receiving gratitude that touches us? This article explores five things about gratitude that warms our heart and lifts our spirits.

Have You Been Falsely Accused?

Being falsely accused is a painful emotional experience. The pain and shame of not being seen as we really are creates deep heartache and frustration. How can we deal with this?

What Is Real Strength?

We often carry misconceptions about what it means to be strong. This article offers a deeper view of what strength looks like and why it's important for ourselves and society.

How Religion Can Disconnect Us from Ourselves and Others

We're familiar with common addiction, but might we consider how religious beliefs can become an addition?

Do You Expect Too Much from Yourself?

We burden ourselves when our expectations are unrealistically high. Being human means having limits and sometimes failing. But failure can be a doorway to future success.

The Hidden Emotion That Sabotages Our Lives

Shame is an insidious emotion that quietly sabotages our lives. The article offers ways to become more mindful of the shame we carry.

How Shame Suffocates Love and Creativity

Shame is a master emotion that stifles our aliveness and creativity. This article explores toxic shame and offers ways to heal the shame that often lurks in the background.

The Hidden Reasons We Don't Let Love In

While the fear of rejection is understandable, the fear of acceptance is less visible. Being mindful can open a deeper capacity to receive the love that is available.

The Neglected Art of Receiving

We're told that it is better to give than to receive. We may strive to love, but to what extent do we allow ourselves to be loved? People who are narcissistic do not know how to lovingly extend themselves to others. But narcissism can also take the form of being so guarded and self-absorbed that we don't let love in.

What It Really Means to Love Yourself

We often hear that it is important to love ourselves. But what does this actually mean? This article explores ways to love and care for ourselves in a deeper way.

We Want to Accept Our Feelings, But How Do We Do It?

Focusing was developed through research into psychotherapy effectiveness. Eugene Gendlin found that those clients who were attending to their bodily felt experience in a caring, gentle way were making the most progress in psychotherapy. This article describes Focusing as a path of befriending our experience just as it is.

Living with an Open Heart

It is part of our human nature to be sensitive to life and other people. But oftentimes, we're criticized for being too sensitive. This article differentiates between being sensitive and being reactive. As we become more aware of our triggers, we can heal the wounds that lead to reactivity, which allows us to live with a more open, accessible heart.

The Blessings of Shyness

Shyness is often criticized by our society. But if we distinguish shyness from social anxiety, we might honor being shy as a tender and positive part of ourselves. If we can become more empowered in our shyness rather than feel shame, it can be a doorway to connecting with people in a more deep, sweet, and tender way.

Is Unconditional Love Possible?

We all want to be unconditionally loved, but how realistic is that? Partnerships require mutuality, where we each have certain basic minimum needs and requirements, such as for respect, understanding, and nurturing. Our children require unconditional love, but adult relationships ask that we be mindful of how we affect each other.

If You Love Cats, This May be Why

Many of us love cats, but we may not have considered one major reason why we find them so irresistible. This article explores how cats have an uncanny ability to surrender to affection. We humans would do well to be more like a cat in the sense of deepening our capacity to receive love and affection.

Three Vital Differences Between Pride and Dignity

While maintaining a delicate sense of pride for our achievements in not necessarily a bad thing, it can easily solidify into an arrogant pride that distances us from others. We might do well to get clearer about what we're really wanting. Differentiating pride from dignity can help orient us toward what really nourishes and sustains us.

Why Pride Is Nothing to Be Proud Of

We may pride ourselves on our achievements and accomplishments, but clinging to pride can become a trap that disconnects us from ourselves and others. In contrast, cultivating a sense of dignity can free us to honor and be ourselves just as we are. We create suffering for ourselves when cling to a sense of superiority. Dignity allows us to more more freely through life.

5 Ways to Deepen Your Relationship

It's easy to go to sleep in our important relationships; it's easy to lose the connection without even realizing that that is happening. Here are five areas to bring mindfulness to so that our relationships can thrive.

Why Couples Can't Coast

We often coast in our important relationships rather than pay attention. Avoiding a slippery slope toward disconnection means being mindful of when we’re unwisely coasting.

Stop Working On Yourself and Start Growing in a Deeper Way!

The article explores how our attitude toward personal growth can hold us back. The expression "I'm working on myself" might foster a self-critical vigilance that impedes our growth rather than furthers it. Perhaps paradoxically, it is when we accept ourselves just as we are that we create a more reliable foundation for personal growth.

Revisiting “Be Here Now”

Being here now is a term that is often misunderstood. Rather that use spiritual practice to avoid feelings, what would it mean to embrace our feelings?

Being in the "Now" Is Often Misunderstood

We often hear touted the importance of being in the "Now." But can this edict be misleading? The article discusses the importance of being aware of the full range of our human experience. Being in the moment does not mean being somewhere other than where we are right now. Expanding our sense of what it means to live in the moment frees us to embrace our humanity as it is.

The Key to Intimacy for Any Relationship

Being human means being vulnerable. But oftentimes we try to control love and intimacy, not realizing that true intimacy can only arise as we develop the awareness to notice and the courage to embrace our vulnerabilities. Our task is not to transcend our humanity or take flight into a spiritual self-image, but rather to engage with vulnerability in a skillful, gentle way.

Welcoming Emotions Into the Present Moment

We're often encouraged to be in the present moment. This article explores the hidden pitfalls of trying to be in the moment-- and discusses what is actually means to live in the present.