5 Ways to Get Together and Get Closer

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1. Do a project together.

Working together on something new and somewhat challenging can enhance your bond. It could be as simple as painting a room of your house together. (Obviously, pick something that isn't likely to cause any huge arguments...)

2. Accept that your partner isn't good at something.

In most relationships, there will be things that frustrate you about each other. Maybe your partner is disorganized, doesn't make a list, and regularly ends up forgetting what they were supposed to pick up at the store. Instead of imploring them to make lists, just make one for them.

What do you find yourself repeatedly nagging your partner about? Pick one small thing and instead of nagging them about it, just going to take over that role. We all have our strengths. If you're better at something, sometimes it's easier to do it yourself than to bang your head against a wall trying to get your partner to do it. Acceptance can relieve you of ongoing feelings of frustration, and eliminate a relationship dynamic in which you're repeatedly pointing out that your partner isn't good at something.

3. Try new ways of expressing your love.

This article suggests 7 types of compliments you can try out, specifically aimed at relationship partners. For example, you can tell them how they’ve helped you feel good about yourself.

4. Linger longer when you hug, and give more mini-massages.

Skin-to-skin contact promotes oxytocin, the bonding hormone. However, you need to maintain the contact for at least 20 seconds or so to get the full effect, so try to increase the number of times you have at least 20 seconds of skin-to-skin contact. You could lift your partner's shirt when you hug so that you're directly touching their skin. (Make sure your hands aren't freezing!) You might also touch their face and neck more. Or, give their hands a mini-massage when you're lying in bed watching TV.

5. Rein in your negativity.

If there is something you're unhappy about in your life—stress at work or with your extended family—it's easy to use your romantic partner as a dumping ground for that angst. If you've gotten into the habit of doing a lot of complaining about something, try some alternative strategies for coping. And make sure you're doing something to solve your problems, rather than just complaining about them. Ask yourself, "What am I unhappy about in my life personally? What have I done to make my situation better? Is there anything I'm unhappy about that's put me into complaining mode rather than taking responsibility for my own emotions?"

What's especially important is you don't grumble when you first see each other after time apart, such as at the end of the workday. You need to make that first moment when you reunite at the end of the day something that has a positive rather than a negative tone.

Also, be aware of how you react to your partner's ideas and suggestions. Do you tend to immediately point out potential problems and things they might not have thought through? Make sure you haven't gotten into the habit of being hypercritical or a wet blanket. Sometimes it's easy to fall into such a routine without even realizing it.

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