Embarrassment is embarrassing. As anyone who has ever been told, “You’re blushing!” knows, displays of embarrassment can become mortifying events of their own. According to recent research, however, revealing embarrassment is nothing to be ashamed of, and in certain ways it might even serve us well.
Part of what makes embarrassment so embarrassing is the fact that it’s a dead giveaway of a private internal state. Feelings we would rather not display for all to see become readily apparent. But sometimes being a little transparent may not be such a bad thing. Building on the work of sociologist Erving Goffman, and on evolutionary accounts of the importance of signaling and detecting social intentions, Feinberg, Willer, and Keltner (2011) argue that embarrassment reveals that a person cares about others and values relationships. In other words, it's a way of saying, "I feel bad for messing up, and I want to do better next time because this relationship matters to me."
In five studies, the researchers tested the hypothesis that people who feel and display more embarrassment will not only behave in a more trustworthy and prosocial manner, but will also elicit more trust and cooperation from others. Here are some highlights from their findings:
In sum, the researchers found support for their hypothesis that embarrassment signals prosociality. Embarrassment, they say, is "not a sign of social disorder, but a display that helps restore fluid social interaction where it has gone awry." Interestingly, when considering potential directions for future research, they noted that embarrassment when interacting with a romantic interest may also be functional in that it signals fidelity and the potential to be a "high-quality mate." Consistent with this idea, in one study they found an association between embarrassment expression and support for monogamy. Perhaps, they suggest, online daters who look embarrassed in their profile pictures are more popular.
Are there times when embarrassment does not signal prosociality? The authors suggest two possibilities: 1) when a transgression is particularly severe or egregious, and 2) when embarrassment is expressed in place of a more appropriate emotion in a given context. It is also important to consider that while embarrassment might have certain benefits, it may also have psychological and social costs, especially when it is chronic and severe.
Is embarrassment fakeable? The authors argue that it should be difficult to fake, since certain aspects of the display, like the blush, happen spontaneously and involuntarily. However, some people may be adept at feigning embarrassment (such as the trained confederates used in one of the studies), and may be able to use this ability to their advantage. But for those of you contemplating teaching yourself to show more rather than less embarrassment, the paper's first author advises: Better just to be yourself.
Feinberg M, Willer R, & Keltner D (2011). Flustered and faithful: Embarrassment as a signal of prosociality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology PMID: 21928915