3 Steps to Avoid Passive-Aggressive Behavior

Are you being passive aggressive without even knowing it?

Outsmart Your Next Angry Outburst

Two little texts — a sentence each — managed to upset a relationship that had been good for years.

You Need to Practice Being Your Future Self

If you want to be productive, the first question you need to ask yourself is: Who do I want to be? Another question is: Where do I want to go?

5 Ways to Use Your Energy More Wisely

As I continued to turn the conversation over in my mind, a single thought kept popping up: This is not worth the energy I’m spending on it.

The Magic of 30-Minute Meetings

After becoming frustrated with my fruitless tendency to juggle multiple activities at once, I tried an experiment: for one week, I would not multitask and see what happened.

How to Read a Book a Week

I was part of a cutting-edge conversation that was going on between great minds. Flash forward too many years, and I am now back in that conversation.

The Right Way to Hold People Accountable

John* was doing his best to be calm, but his frustration was palpable. Jeanine was explaining that there was little chance her group was going to make the numbers for this quarter.

Are You Missing Your Highest Value Conversation?

“Let’s go,” I yelled back, “I need everyone in the car.” “But I want you to see me up here. I’m in the tree,” she yelled back.

Are You Trying to Solve the Wrong Problem?

What do you do when you have a sticky problem that you’ve attempted to solve in every way possible and none of your solutions have worked?

A Healthier Approach to Business Travel

Still, it took me an entire week to recover. It didn’t use to be like this. Maybe I’m getting old?

3 Timeless Rules for Making Tough Decisions

If these mundane decisions drag on our time and energy, think about the bigger ones we need to make, in organizations, all the time. Which products should we pursue and which should we kill? Who should I hire or fire? Should I initiate that difficult conversation? How can we handle decisions of all kinds more efficiently?

The High Cost of Conformity, and How to Avoid It

I suffered a pretty dramatic crash, falling down a ravine, flipping over a few times, and hitting my (helmeted) head on a tree. Eventually, I ended up in the emergency room. But not before riding another hour. Why didn’t I stop?

A Simple Formula For Changing Our Behavior

Why won’t she admit when she’s done something wrong? I thought to myself. I felt my fear, projecting into the future: What would her life look like if she couldn’t own her mistakes?

Quash Your Bad Habits by Knowing What Triggers Them

“One minute I was fine,” Jeff later told me at dinner, “And the next I was yelling.” He paused, thoughtfully, shaking his head, “I did not see that coming.”

How Gratitude Can Help Your Career

I was opening the mail (the real mail, the one delivered by an actual, live person) and between the bills and solicitations, was a single letter, addressed to me, in sloppy — but recognizable — handwriting. Recognizable because the handwriting was mine.

Employees Can’t Be Summed Up by a Personality Test

“When with a group of people,” she read, “you enjoy being at the center of attention.” “No.” I answered. “I’d rather speak to one person.” “No way!” she replied, “You love being the center of attention. I’m checking a big YES.” She must have changed at least half my answers. I’m not saying she was wrong. Most of the time, I think we were both right.

Stop Worrying About How Much You Matter

For many years — almost as long as he could remember — Ian* owned and ran a successful pub in his small town in Ireland. Ian was well-known around town. He had lots of friends, many of whom he saw when they came to eat and drink, and he was happy. Eventually, Ian decided to sell his establishment.

If You Want People To Listen, Stop Talking

George had a different edge, which wasn’t immediately obvious to me because I was listening to what George said. His power was in what he didn’t say.

How To Grow Through Failure

Here’s what’s most interesting: When I followed my own Four Seconds advice and paused to take a breath and really consider what I was feeling, I found something deeper than the anger, sadness, and disappointment. In fact, I found their source. Shame.

Managing the Critical Voices Inside Your Head

Two vastly different coaches, two vastly different responses. Who’s right? I bet you have an opinion. But that’s not the point.

How Leaders Should React When Someone Disappoints

“What were you thinking?” The portfolio manager muttered a weak defense which the CEO promptly and easily tore to shreds. When the manager left his office, the CEO turned to me, exasperated. “How do you reverse a losing streak?” he asked. “Not like that,” I said.

When Multitasking Is A Good Thing

By now, we all know multitasking doesn’t work. Our brains are incapable of focusing on more than one thing at a time. We might think we’re multitasking as we scan our email while on a conference call, but we’re not. We’re actually...

How to Find Out What People Really Think About You

A lot has been written about how to give feedback but not much about how to get useful feedback from others. It can be hard to draw out the truth from the people around you — people who may be too nice to share the full picture or too intimidated to be honest. And yet it’s a gift to know what people are really thinking about you...

The Small Personal Risks That Actually Change Behavior

One of the things I love about my synagogue is its commitment to inclusiveness. The community welcomes people of all faiths and integrates practices from other traditions. This year on Yom Kippur, the Day of Repentance, the most solemn day in the Jewish Calendar, after several hours of prayer, I felt an impulse to...

It’s Your Job to Tell the Hard Truths

How many of us would prefer to keep the peace and avoid being the naysayer?

What To Do When Anger Takes Hold

I had just sat down to look over my calendar and plan my day when the phone rang. It was my contractor. Several of his workers were at my apartment ready to finish some work, but the building management company refused to let them in. This news made me furious.

Prevent Your Strategy Offsite From Being Meaningless

We were halfway through the first day and, while everything was going according to plan, I couldn’t shake this nagging feeling that something wasn’t right. I struggled to put my finger on it.

What to Do On Your First Day Back From Vacation

So you do your best to work through the pileup, handling the most urgent items first, and within a few days, you’re caught up and ready to move forward. You’re back in control. You’ve won. Or have you?

Don’t Let Your Head Attack Your Heart

I prepared questions I wanted us to explore together, questions like: What do you feel grateful for in your life? What new things do you feel are struggling to grow and be born in you? What do you want to let go of, so that the new can be born?

How to Start a Conversation You’re Dreading

I anticipated that the conversation would be difficult. Shari* and I had worked together for many years, and I knew she was expecting me to hire her to run a leadership program for one of my clients, Ganta, a high-tech company. But I didn’t think Shari was the right fit for Ganta or, frankly, for the role of running the leadership training.