I have never dated a jerk in my entire life. Never. Not even once.

This should impress you, especially since in my 20′s alone (I didn’t date in my teens), I enjoyed three wonderful boyfriends, one summer fling, and one very handsome priest. (In my defense, he was barely out of seminary.) I also dated four very nice men I met on Match.com, one of whom ended up becoming my husband. Yay!

How did this happen? I attribute my sucess with online dating to the superb personal profile I created. Today I’m going to teach you how to craft yours so that you, too, can be a magnet for those as awesome as you are. Simply follow these three steps:

1. Don’t try to be interesting or impressive.

We all want people to be utterly amazed upon meeting us. But if we examine this desire a bit deeper, we see that what we really want is to be loved and accepted for who we are. So don’t get caught up in trying to highlight your best side all the time. Instead, present yourself in an honest and authentic way– imperfections and all. Whoever is drawn to that is good for you. Whoever walks away probably wasn’t your type anyway.

So how does this translate into your online profile? For starters, don’t toot your own horn by listing your highest accomplishments or coolest hobbies. Instead, communicate what kind of person you are and what you value.  You can do this by listing your favorite things (your most beloved books, films, and musicians say a lot about you), and by describing your personal goals for the future.  People who share your values are your best match.

2. Don’t post your best photo. (Or: Stop trying to look hot all the time.)

Please…never, ever, EVER upload a profile photo in which you’re seductively gazing into the camera, not smiling, and showing off your biceps or cleavage. It screams self-involved arrogant d**che bag. Trust me, you won’t look hot — you’ll look like you’re trying too hard to look cool. But worst of all, you’ll end up attracting — you guessed it–  self-involved arrogant d**che bags. Why? Because those are the only people (aside from your grandma), who would actually be impressed by those lame self portraits you posed for.

Instead, always present yourself in a way that is in line with your personality and values. You’ll soon be surrounded by like-minded folks who are drawn to you because you are “their kind of people”.

3. Be who you are looking for.

Want to know how my Match.com profile attracted my husband to me? Because it had a goofy Top 10 Things To Know About Me list, and at the top was “I am deathly afraid of zombies.”

I was looking for a goofy and geeky person to date, so I told jokes about the undead..and BAM!, the comedians and geeks flocked to me.

Final Thoughts

We attract what we put out into the world. If you are trying too hard to be noticed, you will attract the type of people who are attracted to fluff, not you. So be yourself, flaws and all.

Your Turn: Have you ever drawn certain kinds of people to you based on the energy you put out? How did you find all the positive people in your life?


Read more of this writer's PG-13 antics at A Brave Life.

Copyright Kimberly Eclipse

About the Author

Kimberly Eclipse, M.A., M.S.Ed.

Kimberly Russell, M.A., M.S.Ed., a counselor and educator, runs a creative studio and small business with her husband.

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