In a previous post, The True Cause Of Depression, I discussed how having multiple problems at once seems to cause more stress than having only one or two. I likened the handling of challenges to balancing a "plate" of a certain size and suggested if we pile too many problems onto it, not only do we risk having it topple over, we often find ourselves wanting to pitch the whole thing on purpose. That's certainly how I've been feeling. So I thought it might be helpful to review the strategies I use when my life-condition slips.
And a slip in my life-condition is what's really to blame. Certainly many people are facing far more oppressive circumstances than what I described above (especially the very patients I complained about). But the degree of pain and suffering people experience can't be calculated by observing their outward circumstances. Pain and suffering always occur as a result of a low life-condition, explaining, among other things, how millionaires can be miserable.
A story famous among Nichiren Buddhists tells of a practicing SGI member who went to see an SGI leader for encouragement about a particular problem he was having. However, before he could even begin to explain his circumstances, the leader pointed to a large oak desk and asked him to lift it. Bewildered, the member replied, "There's no way I can lift that. It's way too heavy." To which the leader responded, "The problem isn't that the desk is too heavy. The problem is that you're too weak." His point, of course, was that our ability to win isn't determined by the size of our problems but by the strength of our life force. When you feel overwhelmed by your own life, rather than focusing on finding a different set of more manageable problems (as if that were even possible), you should look for ways to raise your life-condition so you can gain access to the wisdom, courage, and energy you need to solve the problems you have. If you don't have a process or a practice that does this for you, find one. Will power and intellect alone are often insufficient.
This is the real answer about what to do when everything seems to be going wrong: find a way to transform your perspective so that obstacles feel like opportunities. But if that seems too abstract, or you're having trouble finding a practice that works for you, or you're not interested in finding a practice at all, I'd offer the following techniques for making yourself feel better when you feel bad. These are just clever tricks—some comforting thoughts really—but ones that you might find useful.
TRICKS AND COMFORTING THOUGHTS THAT MAY WORK
WHEN YOU FEEL COMPLETELY DEFEATED
Or maybe it's even worse for you than I've described. Maybe you feel like everyone and everything is conspiring against you, that no one sees things quite the way you do, and that you're alone in the wilderness and the world. Whether this is actually true or not is irrelevant: if it feels as though it is, it can't but help plunge your life-condition into the world of Hell, the lowest of the Ten Worlds.
When this is how you feel, you must summon up the stand-alone spirit. Even if everyone and everything—the entire world—is pointing left, if you believe the correct direction to point is right, then point to the right you must. If you feel within whatever context your problems are occurring that you have the gift of sight in a country of the blind, you must fight to help others to see until either they do or you learn you were wrong, not they.
Society, discovery, and culture are advanced by people who have every reason to remain seated but who stand up anyway; by people who resolutely and consistently point out what they believe is true. If you do this despite whatever fears the prospect of doing so brings, eventually others will be emboldened by your example and stand up with you. And then you'll have made a worthy contribution to the world.
If you enjoyed this post, please feel free to explore Dr. Lickerman's home page, Happiness in this World.