We’re often shocked by what people post online. Sometime this year, you’ve probably marveled at an offensive Tweet, a debaucherous Facebook picture, an embarrassing YouTube clip, or an unprofessional comment on LinkedIn from someone you know. What shapes why some people seem to have no filter in social media, whereas others are more selective and private—and what should your strategy be?
There are two key factors that drive our social media choices, according to new work by researchers Ariane Ollier-Malaterre, Nancy Rothbard, and Justin Berg. One is our boundary preferences: are we integrators or segmentors? If you’re an integrator, you like to build bridges between your professional and personal lives. Integrators strive to blend their jobs with their lives outside work—they’re eager to talk about their kids at work, don’t mind bringing their work home, and happy to share the same information with colleagues as family and friends.
If you’re a segmentor, you like to keep your professional and personal lives separate. Segmentors create mental fences between their jobs and other aspects of their lives. On social media, this might mean using privacy controls, making your profile unsearchable, or segmenting your network by using LinkedIn for professional contacts and Facebook for personal contacts.
The other factor is how we want to be seen by others: are we aiming to impress or express? Impressers see social media as a vehicle for looking good—they want to build a positive reputation and attract a strong base of followers. As the researchers write, impressers aim to “disclose information that is flattering (e.g. achievements, good picture), glamorous (e.g. travel observations and pictures) or makes one look smart (e.g. interesting news articles).” They also avoid controversial posts and carefully control and monitor photos, tags, and comments.
For expressers, social media isn’t about winning others over; it’s an opportunity to be seen accurately by others. This means being more open online: sharing vulnerabilities, disclosing unpopular opinions, writing about stressful experiences, or posting photos that might not appeal to everyone.
When we combine boundary preferences and image motives, we can gain insight into the strategies that we select and how much other people will like and respect us. Integrators with a strong motivation to express don’t filter their content or their audiences. This open strategy is the least time-consuming and the most authentic, but it sacrifices respect and liking: people develop a reputation for revealing too much information and sharing inappropriate information. It’s probably more common than ever before: as I noted recently, evidence suggests that compared to other generations, Millennials seem to care more about self-expression than social approval.
People who want to express themselves are able to maintain respect by segmenting their audiences. By keeping LinkedIn and Facebook networks separate, for example, segmentors can still reveal their true identities and experiences to their friends and families without alienating or offending their colleagues. However, this approach still poses some challenges for liking. As the researchers explain, recent studies show that “41 percent of Facebook users think it is irresponsible to ignore a friend request from a coworker” and “younger employees are connected on Facebook to an average of 16 coworkers.” Segmentors who strive to self-express have to explain to colleagues why they won’t accept their friend requests on Facebook, and sometimes leave them wondering what’s being hidden in that private world.
The researchers make a compelling case that keeping an eye on our image usually earns us greater respect and liking. By segmenting what we share with different audiences, the researchers write, we create online relationships that “mirror the tailored nature of offline relationships.” The challenge is that it involves a lot more work. Few people have the time and energy to create and maintain separate lists of contacts for sharing different types of information, and evolve these lists as our relationships change. And as hard as we try, sometimes it’s out of our control when friends cross our boundaries.
Personally, as more of an integrator, I have a decent number of professional contacts in my Facebook network. My wife is a segmentor— to the point that she cringes at the mere mention of her existence in social media, and will probably even object to this one. In our experience, segmentation is the dominant preference in relationships: blurring boundaries is far more bothersome to a segmentor than building fences is to an integrator. (In fact, Rothbard and her colleagues conducted a study showing that segmentors are less satisfied and committed when their employers offer onsite childcare. Even when it doesn’t affect them directly, the mere presence of other people’s family lives in their workplaces punches holes in their mental fences.)
Since many people are segmentors, being liked and respected probably requires some selectivity about what we share and with whom we share it. And there’s a way to be selective without spending inordinate amount of time and energy managing different networks and lists: it’s called conversation. So I’d like to propose a rule: when in doubt, share it offline.
Adam is the author of Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success, a New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestseller. Follow him on Twitter @AdamMGrant and LinkedIn at www.linkedin.com/influencer/profadamgrant