There are about a million dating rule books out there, but I wonder if they really have the answers. Why is something as simple as “guy meets girl, guy and girl fall in love and then overspend on their wedding” so complicated?

Maybe a more spiritual approach to courtship can enlighten our social lives. It’s worked for Deepak Chopra and Wayne Dyer, right? They don’t seem like they have a problem meeting women.

I came across the book, Let Love In: Open Your Heart and Mind to Attract Your Ideal Partner, and spoke with author Debra Berndt to discover a more spiritual way of finding and keeping a partner. Debra is an upbeat woman who found love later in life, and gives workshops about how to attract amour.

Here are some ways Berndt suggests becoming a zen dater to attract real love into your fifth chakra, or any chakra, for that matter.

1. Look Into the Mirror

Every relationship in your life is a reflection of you. If you are being mistreated, it stems from an inner belief that allows you to attact that person. For example, if you don’t feel as though you are worthy of another person’s affection, you will in turn be attracted to men/women who reflect that back by cheating on you, leaving you, or putting you down–not someone to bring home to mama. Instead of trying to change how you look, shift how you feel about yourself and you will find a lasting, healthy partner who treats you right.

2.   Practice Gratitude

If you don’t love your life right now, why would someone in his or her right mind want to share it with you? Be grateful for what you have. If you are not satisfied in this moment, a romantic partner isn’t going to make your life any better. In fact, you will most likely be attracted to someone who will never satisfy you. Karma is no joke! First, get happy on your own, and remember: Life is a pickle just as it is.

3.  Get in the Moment

Appreciate the person you are on a date with and be in the present. Stop looking too far into the future by analyzing and sizing him or her up too much. Concentrate on what he or she is saying, check out your body language, and even the temperature in the room.  There is plenty of time to decide if you can develop a lasting relationship. Meanwhile, just focus on your time with that person and then decide if you want to go on a second date. Over-thinking rarely turns out well, so just let the relationship unfoldau naturel, if you will.

4.  Be Free of Attachment

If your happiness is based on another person’s opinion or approval, you will always feel powerless. Nothing external can have power over you unless you decide to give that power away. If your date doesn’t call, just let it go and move on to find a better match. Okay; easier said that done. But think about it: Why would you want someone who doesn’t want you, anyway? Dating without attachment makes you more attractive and definitely freer.

5.  Be Authentic

Whether you like it or not, we are all connected on a deeper level. Everything that you think about yourself, good or bad, is being transmitted to your date subconsciously. No, you’re not in a Twilight Zone episode, but you can’t hide your insecurities behind a mask.  Poor self-esteem will eventually come through in your relationship. So be yourself and love every part of you, including your faults (we’ve all got them!).  Soon you will attract someone who adores you unconditionally.

Click onto Downtown Dharma.com for suggestions 6-8!

About the Author

Ilana Donna Arazie

Ilana Donna Arazie is a video columnist and blogger looking for meaning and zen in New York City.

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