Why You're Lucky to be Single and Seeking Love

If you’re single and you’re willing to treat your dating life as a journey of growth, then you’re very lucky. Why? Because the way we search for love usually determines the kind of love we find. By approaching your dating life with deeper awareness, you have the power to change your romantic future in powerful, positive ways.

The Simple Exercise That Will Lead You Toward Love

The path to love is never simple. When we decide to pursue our longing for love, we’re led down a path with challenges we might never have dreamed of. For me, the decision to become a father—as a forty-something, single gay man---is what changed everything. In this post, I’d like to offer a potent exercise for following your own call to love—and share my personal story.

3 Steps to Resolving the Conflicts That Hold You Back

This simple technique is designed to deepen all of your intimate relationships, including your relationship with yourself. Each of its three steps leads to a deeper state of authenticity, a gentle, skillful “overthrow” of the inner and outer voices which hold us back from deeper love.

Sparkle Versus Glow—and What That Means For Your Love Life

I recently had a dialogue with Sophia Dembling, author of Introverts in Love: The Quiet Way to Happily Ever After. Both of us had books come out at about the same time concerning the search for love. Her insights on the distinction between glow and sparkle hold one of the greatest keys to finding and keeping healthy love.

The Quickest, Smartest Way to Bring More Love into Your Life

In deciding your most important goals for 2015, don’t forget the factor that's most likely to give you joy, contentment, and a deep sense of personal meaning and mission. We all know what that is: It's loving relationships. I'm referring to all forms of love, not just romantic love. Here is the simplest and best way to create a more love-filled year ahead.

Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt: Insight-Gems for Singles

I am so pleased to share my interview with Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt on the conscious search for love. Simply interviewing this extraordinary couple was an inspiring experience. There are many gems of insight here, and I encourage every thoughtful person who is serious about finding love to take the time to read this.

How to Discover Your Core Intimacy Gifts

Young or old, single or coupled, each of us is faced with the great challenge of learning to love. Our core gifts lie at the heart of our intimacy journey, and when we identify them, we hold an invaluable key to understanding ourselves and all our relationships. Answering these two simple questions will enable you to discover your own core intimacy gifts.

Lady Valor: Kristin Beck, gender-role freedom and love

Lady Valor, airing this Thursday, is an inspiring CNN documentary about transgender activist Kristin Beck. As a decorated Navy Seal, Christopher Beck crossed enemy lines to fight for freedom. As Kristin, she crosses equally scary enemy lines; the gender taboos that hold all of us back from full self-expression and deeper intimacy.

2 Ideas That Will Change The Way You Think About Romance

The majority of dating advice subtly guides us away from authentic intimacy. In its superficial fixation on looks, games and gimmicks, such advice sparks insecurity and encourages unkindness toward ourselves and others. According to exciting research there’s a much more effective path to love–and it’s not about looks or games. Here are some of these essential findings:

A Simple Question That Will Change Your Search for Love

Most advice on seeking love focuses on the skills of seeking, not the skills of loving. Apps, events and websites offer endless opportunities to meet, but until we learn how to choose healthy intimacy and nurture its tender new shoots, it’s unlikely we’ll find the love we seek. We can transform our search for intimacy by approaching it in a new way.

An Interview with Judith Orloff, MD: The Power of Surrender

Judith Orloff, M.D. is a psychiatrist, intuitive healer, and NY Times bestselling author. Her most recent book is the national bestseller The Ecstasy of Surrender: 12 Surprising Ways Letting Go Can Empower Your Life. In this interview, Judith explains what surrender really means, and how we can use it to find deeper intimacy, joy and meaning in our lives.

What No One Teaches Us About Love

Fear of intimacy isn’t a character flaw rendering us unfit for intimacy; it is part of being human. If we're breathing, we have fear of intimacy. The real question is: How do we keep love at arms length-and what can we do to change that?

The Power of the Gifts We Hide

Each of us creates a “false self” to protect our “true self” when it feels frightening to be genuine in the world. If our false self becomes dominant, it begins to bury the very qualities it was originally designed to protect. These buried qualities often hold the key to deeper love, creativity and meaning in our lives. How can we free them?

The Two Best Questions For Your Sex Life

Often, the questions we ask of ourselves are what finally carve the shape of our lives. A great question excites us, opens new doors, and invites both compassion and curiosity. I’d like to offer two such questions about sex. Your answers will teach you rich lessons about your sex life—and more.

Creating an Intimacy-Rich Life: A Journey In Three Stages

In my practice as a psychotherapist, I’ve observed a remarkable pattern in the lives of people who strive for healthy intimacy. This pattern is marked by three important--and often surprising—stages. Each stage is a mark of real progress, yet few of us are taught how to navigate these challenges. I invite you to consider which stages relate to your own intimacy journey.

Three Mindfulness Exercises to Improve Your Dating Life

The search for a loving partner is one of our great life-tasks. Yet most dating advice is superficial; focusing endlessly upon the power of seduction and flat abs. Here are three exercises which approach dating as an adventure of self-discovery. They are eye-opening and fun, and they will help you grow in self-respect while opening up new possibilities in your dating life

Seduction Strategies Don't Lead to Love—These Skills Do

The search for love is one of our greatest life-tasks. Unfortunately, the quality of much dating advice and the atmosphere of most dating venues ranges from superficial to downright demeaning. The skills of dating are the skills of intimacy—not game-playing. These seven techniques will speed your path to love and strengthen your sense of self. Consider giving them a try.

Why Coming Out Isn't Just For Gay People

Jason Collins’ coming out electrified the country—for more than political reasons. Everyone wrestles with the struggle between fear and authenticity. Coming out is an act of heroism we're all called to—and you don’t have to be gay to join the party. This post will offer a simple exercise for naming your "personal closets", and gently liberating yourself from their hold.

From Demeaning Rules to Intimacy Tools: A Wiser Path to Love

Valentines Day can be a challenging day for single people. But it can become a day of hope--if we resolve to ignore the bankrupt dating advice foisted upon us and finally align our search for love with the tools of real intimacy. The following three suggestions may fly in the face of most everything you've learned about dating--but they lead to real love.

How to Create Deep Intimacy In Imperfect Relationships

Arielle Ford is the bestselling author of Wabi Sabi Love. In this interview, she teaches a simple and joyful way to deepen the relationships that matter most to us. Through gentle shifts in perception inspired by the ancient Japanese artform of Wabi Sabi, you can create profound healing in your relationships. Here's how:

How To Find Your Core Gifts In Your Greatest Challenges

On this first day of the New Year, I’d like to share a counter-intuitive approach to human change that I find tremendously exciting. Here is its central idea: Our deepest wounds frequently spring from our greatest gifts, and by acknowledging those gifts, we can speed and deepen our own healing.

Sunlight and Singing: A Holiday Wish Via T.S. Eliot

This holiday season, I'd love to share an excerpt from a poem by T.S. Eliot that captures hope for the year ahead. Not greeting-card hope, but the kind of hope that can live alongside sadness, bewilderment and uncertainty.

The Healing Gift of Non-Gratitude

Cultivating gratitude is a wonderful thing, but forced gratitude clouds our discrimination, and usually mutates into self-recrimination. We’re all exhorted to feel gratitude, but who teaches us to honor feelings of non-gratitude: emptiness, longing, or a gut-level sense that something’s wrong? These feelings hold half the key for achieving our most precious life-goals.

Chip Conley: Emotional Equations, Love and Meaning

Chip Conley is the New York Times bestselling author of four books including Emotional Equations. In this interview, he teaches two emotional equations we can use to increase the intimacy in our lives and find meaning within our deepest personal challenges.

Four Signs That Healthy Love Is On Its Way

I've found that four conditions often forecast the advent of real and healthy love. Love’s arrival feels like magic; a gift of luck. Yet we can invite that luck by approaching our dating life differently. If these shifts are happening for you, be encouraged. You’re probably well on the way to finding the kind of love that can last.

Why We Fear Our Deepest Gifts

Self-improvement is often no more than self-criticism in an alluring outfit. Our culture focuses obsessively on the endless allure of improvement, but there’s a much more thrilling area of inquiry: What parts of ourselves are aching for expression, and why do we flee their heat?

Three Myths That Keep Us From Finding Love

Beneath the glitz of much dating advice lies a cynical reverence for the power of packaging and promotion: “Women, be a vixen. Men, learn to seduce. Everyone keep your partner guessing. Lose weight. Be confident. Get out there more.” At the end of the day, this approach doesn't lead to love. It leads to insecurity and desperation. Luckily, there is a wiser way.

How to Develop Your Attraction to the Right Person

Sexual attraction can't be forced. Most of us have learned that the hard way. What we haven't been taught is that sexual attractions can be educated. Even if you're relentlessly attracted to bad-boys, bad girls, or to unavailable people, you can still learn how to cultivate your attraction to partners who are good for you. This post will teach you how.

Five Keys To Developing Your Deepest Gifts

Core Gifts are the most tender places inside us. They lie at the very heart of our creativity and our love. If we open to them, they guide us inexorably to what matters most to us. To ignore them is to commit an act of quiet violence against ourselves. This post will help you discover your own core gifts, and will describe their five great hungers.

Deeper Dating: The Three Steps That Lead to Love

A message for all single people: The way we search for love usually determines the kind of love we find. Our culture assails us with romanticized images of love, yet encourages us to play dehumanizing games in order to find it. The three steps I describe will lead you toward real love, but they will also enrich your life, because they are the skills of true intimacy.