There are a number of sensible questions one can ask about the subject of homosexuality, and some that are not sensible. A fundamental, sensible question is “Why are some people homosexual and others heterosexual?” Some other questions that grow out of this first question: (I deal with these issues in more detail in “Come One, Come All.”)
I saw a woman when I was in the army who was 45 years old, married and had two kids. She never had a homosexual thought, she told me, until she fell in love with another woman, who was also married. They ran off together, leaving their kids behind.
I knew one man who fell in love with a woman, married and lived with her for eight or nine years, then fell in love with a man whom he lived with for about five years, and then fell in love with another woman.
I know of two such cases.
I know of two men who loved each other and lived together a number of years. One man decided he wanted to have a family. He married, and the man with whom he had lived, who had previously never had sexual intercourse with a woman, married that woman’s sister. I spoke to both women. They understood the situation. Both families lived afterwards, apparently happily, near to each other. Both families produced children. The two men no longer had sexual relations with each other.
These are just some of the questions that occur to me and to other psychiatrists. Whoever can figure out the answers can then start figuring out why some people, transsexuals, feel they were born into the wrong body altogether and the wrong sex.
An annoying question that is asked about homosexuality is whether or not someone is born “that way” or chooses to live that way. The implication is that homosexuality is bad, but can be forgiven, perhaps, if the individual has no choice. There are, of course, people who do regard homosexuality as bad, as immoral because it violates tenets of their religion. I understand that. On the other hand, a growing number of people in this country are accepting of gays and lesbians. I feel I should say what I think, even though I risk the readers of this blog telling me, as some of them have before, that I am going straight to hell.
I think sexual behavior is like all human behavior: it can be said to be evil or wrong if hurts someone else, or has the potential of hurting someone else. If it does not serve to injure someone else, it is either morally neutral or, as it certainly can be, a good thing. I think this rule applies to people of the same sex loving each other, as it does just as well to people loving someone of the opposite sex.(c)
Fredric Neuman 2012 Follow Dr. Neuman's blog at fredricneumanmd.com/blog