Psychology Today

As odd a phenomenon as "reverse paranoia" may seem, many writers have weighed in on this controversial concept. For it can be seen either as a valuable asset or, on the contrary...

We all need our psychological defenses. They protect us from experiencing an otherwise disturbing anxiety. Or an ancient sense of inferiority, or shame that may go all the way back to childhood—and that we’ve never managed to fully resolve. So when we talk about getting our buttons pushed, it’s about someone’s (however accidentally) triggering these uncomfortable feelings.

Even if you marry the person of your dreams—the “one of all ones”—you still won’t live happily ever after. Humans that we are, we inevitably run into problems when our wants and needs don’t match our mate’s. And unless we become skilled in the fine art of compromise, in such situations our relationship can quickly degrade into feelings of dissatisfaction and discontent.

Exactly what was so compelling about Kim Davis’ court case that Pope Francis would squeeze her into his already crowded U.S. visit? On the surface at least, Davis’ illegally defiant behavior as a county clerk in Kentucky would hardly seem exemplary. Yet many have staunchly defended her--while others have contested her fundamentalist ideas about religious liberty.

On the advent of Yogi Berras’ passing this week at the age of 90, it seemed fitting for me to pay tribute to him here. But not so much for his being a sterling Hall of Fame catcher who helped lead his beloved Yankees to ten World Series victories, as for his wacky but so “winning” malapropisms—which over the years have delighted millions. . . .

Do you have a tendency to disavow compliments? Deny credit if what you accomplished was done with minimal effort? Or might you attribute your successes more to luck than to social skills, intelligence, or innate gifts? If any of these characterizations applies to you, you’re probably preventing yourself from experiencing what all of us most desire.

If, for whatever reason—or possibly no good reason at all—your partner is blasting you, what do you need to do? Granted, many therapists would simply suggest that you leave the scene. For, as a matter of personal dignity and respect, you’re hardly obliged to tolerate such abuse. But although such a response is warranted, it can actually be dangerous. . . .

Humanism—the not so radical idea that you can be good without a god—doesn’t particularly sound like the next big subversive development in politics today. But with their numbers rapidly growing, humanists are beginning to realize that they can play a major role in influencing governmental policy.

Once a relationship, however sweet, tender, and loving, has been domesticated. it can no longer be romantic. For some of the crucial things that make romance romantic—though they include feelings of amorousness and affection—also contain elements doomed to decay. So what is it about Romance that makes it so wondrous, yet ultimately so impossible to hold onto?

Almost everyone is familiar with the fight-flight response—your reaction to a stimulus perceived as an imminent threat to your survival. However, less well-known is the fight-flight-freeze response, which adds a crucial dimension to how you’re likely to react when the situation confronting you overwhelms your coping capacities and leaves you paralyzed in fear.

Given the particular situation, children (like all the rest of us) are doing the best they’re capable of. So what are some ways that parents might effectively confront their child’s annoying, hazardous, or otherwise troublesome behavior—without, that is, having to punish them for it?

Feelings of guilt arise from betraying your ethical standards. As a psychological phenomenon, though, guilt can be quite thorny. For if you’re afflicted with a tyrannical superego—one that feels compelled to torment you for the slightest perceived infraction—you’ll be haunted by such feelings even when you haven’t done anything that culpable.

In the idyllic state of romantic love, you typically attempt to secure the object of your passion by putting their wants and needs ahead of your own. It’s as though you’re saying to yourself: “So I can make you mine, I’ll make fulfilling your desires more important than my own.” But that relational stance yet includes a crucial contingency clause. . . .

The desire to become your personal best is normal—and it’s admirable. But wanting to become better than others, not so much . . . maybe not at all. For, so defined, this particular goal reflects an inflated, aggressive, and possibly domineering ego. If you genuinely see yourself as unique—for, after all, there’s never been anybody exactly like you, then . . .