Psychology Today

Whether fast or slow, it comes on hard—as powerful as a bludgeon, but one covered in the softest velvet. It’s two-faced as well, like an optical illusion. And it’s also supremely paradoxical. How can an unreturned love engender such ecstatic, sublime feelings? Yet the chemical dynamics of reciprocation fantasies can be incredibly powerful...

When you become passionate about something, or someone, you want to hold onto it, attach yourself to it, possess it. Fascinated or enchanted, you experience a high, your spirits soar. So naturally you desire to have the object of your attraction close by, to make it your own—and permanently. So what’s the problem with this? Unfortunately, just about everything...

Sure, you need boundaries. And undeniably, you have the right to assert them—whether to safeguard your privacy, self-respect, or basic sense of decency. So it’s crucial to develop the ability and self-confidence to say no, or to tell others to stop doing what they’re doing. But what also needs to be emphasized is that some of your boundaries may be holding you hostage. . .

When I speak of “old programs,” I’m referring to childhood decisions you made to better adapt to a conditionally accepting family. After all, when you’re highly dependent on your caretakers for comfort, guidance, and support, what could be more essential than feeling securely bonded to them? For you certainly can't function autonomously. . . .

Positive connotations for the word "salvage" aren’t very favorable. For salvaging something typically involves rescuing it after it’s been all but lost or destroyed. Whatever is retrieved is hardly in the best shape. If you’re in a relationship that has seriously decayed, merely “saving” it from its final demise doesn’t mean you’ve made it all that much better.

When we talk about our dark side, we’re generally calling attention to our most aggressive, or lustful, anti-social instincts. Acting out impulses that would disrupt others’ lives—if not downright decimate them. But what I’d like to suggest is that our darkest fantasies might not be anywhere as demonic as typically supposed.

I’ve long been intrigued by clichés that, while embodying precious nuggets of wisdom, contradict other clichés. So we have “better safe than sorry,” yet also “nothing ventured, nothing gained.” How, then, are we to reconcile these opposing verities? The physicist Niels Bohr once reflected that "the opposite of one profound truth may very well be another profound truth."

So what could be so bad about feeling good—I mean really, really good? Unfortunately, like so many other, all-too-complicated things in life, the whole notion of bliss is replete with ethical contradictions and inconsistencies.

When Playboy was in its heyday, women’s breasts reigned supreme (and rather large ones at that). But over the past several decades it appears that the media generally has been paying increasingly greater attention to the lower region of women’s two dominant anatomical protrusions. So might it be possible that more men actually prefer to ogle a woman’s buns than her bust?

Because we live in a competitive, work-driven society, adult play gets far more lip service than actual practice. Yet research has repeatedly shown that couples that play together stay together. Still, saddled with the manifold responsibilities of being a grown-up, kicking back and getting crazy—or “crazy romantic”—with your partner may rarely make it to your "to do" list.

How many times have you thought you were communicating clearly, only to discover that your words were taken in a way you never could have imagined? And likely, more negatively (though, at times, more positively, too). Here are eight varying explanations as to why the communication that you delivered might be quite different from the communication actually received.

So when does your partner’s behavior least warrant your affection and caring? Maybe when, under the circumstances, their anger seems completely unjustified? when it’s exaggerated, ill-mannered—or experienced as just plain mean. Or maybe when you can’t help but regard them as being totally unreasonable: rigid; stubborn; dense; surly; disrespectful; passive-aggressive . . .

Far too often when we confront someone, we’re not considering how our requesting (or demanding!) that they change will actually benefit them. Rather, in the moment our sole concern is for ourselves. And this is the case whether our encounter is contrived to offer us an advantage over them, advance our particular preferences, or simply make us more comfortable with them....