There’s no denying a certain overlap between this collection of quotes and the one immediately preceding. The earlier piece, "The Wittiest Quotes on Divorce,” was devoted exclusively to the most clever and humorous quotes I could find on the subject. The current post also includes many quotes worth a chuckle—in a few instances, outright laughter (such as Zsa Zsa Gabor’s “He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house”).
But many others aren’t so much funny as they are uniquely revealing about the particular celebrity from whom they’re taken. The varied feelings expressed—from wistfulness and regret, to thinly veiled anger or rage, to frank disillusionment—add an intriguingly personal dimension to our understanding of their lives off camera.
Moreover, the Bette Davis quote sounds like Bette Davis. And you can virtually hear the four Zsa Zsa Gabor quotes as they might, daffily, be uttered by her. In short, this post at once discloses not only what some of our "break-up" stars and other luminaries have had to say on the subject of divorce, but something core to their personalities (or personae), as well.
In any case, I hope you’ll enjoy the following selections:
The ceremony took six minutes. The marriage lasted about the same amount of time, though we didn't get a divorce for almost a year. ~ Hedy Lamarr
A lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce, I think I'm about $100,000 short. ~ Mickey Rooney
In Hollywood, an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty percent of the publicity. ~ Lauren Bacall
I’d marry again if I found a man who had $15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he’d be dead in a year. ~ Bette Davis
I can’t take his genius any more. ~ Rita Hayworth (on why she divorced Orson Welles, in Diane Medved, The Case Against Divorce
Divorce is a game played by lawyers. ~ Cary Grant
He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor
Getting divorced just because you don’t love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do. ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor
Conrad Hilton was very generous to me in the divorce settlement. He gave me 5000 Gideon Bibles. ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor
You never really know a man until you have divorced him. ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor
My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never. ~ Jack Benny
Anybody who's been through a divorce will tell you that at one point they've thought murder. The line between thinking murder and doing murder isn't that major. ~ Oliver Stone
I'm very grateful that I had work to do. I may have thrown myself off a building. ~ Madonna
How I Love Lucy was born? We decided that instead of divorce lawyers profiting from our mistakes, we'd profit from them. ~ Lucille Ball
I hate failure and that divorce was a Number One failure in my eyes. It was the worst period of my life. Neither Desi nor I have been the same since, physically or mentally. ~ Lucille Ball
Divorce isn't the child's fault. Don't say anything unkind about your ex to the child, because you're really just hurting the child. ~ Valerie Bertinelli
When people divorce, it's always such a tragedy. At the same time, if people stay together it can be even worse. ~ Monica Bellucci
A divorcée is a women who got married so she didn't have to work, but now works so she doesn't have to get married. ~ Anna Magnani
To get over my divorce, I got a prescription to live at the Playboy Mansion for a while. ~ James Caan
There's something about a divorce in that even if your parents still love you, the fact that they can't live with each other makes you feel there's something wrong with you. ~ Jack Black
I know in my own marriage I stayed in it to provide my son with what I thought was a stable background and to give him what I thought was the family life a child should have with two parents. But that isn't always the best way, and it took me taking my son to therapy after the divorce to really see it. ~ Regina King
It was a long time in the making, my divorce. One day became less special than the [one before], and pretty soon we ceased all conversation. It is a sad day when you have nothing left to say. ~ Ricki Lake
When you break up, your whole identity is shattered. That's why it's like death. It is a death. ~ Dennis Quaid
My parent's divorce and hard times at school, all those things combined to mold me, to make me grow up quicker. And it gave me the drive to pursue my dreams that I wouldn't necessarily have had otherwise. ~ Christina Aguilera
There's nothing like a family crisis, especially a divorce, to force a person to re-evaluate his life. ~ Michael Douglas
Take this marriage thing seriously—it has to last all the way to the divorce. ~ Roseanne Barr
Note 2: If you know of others who might have an interest in this post, please send it along.
© 2012 Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved.