Recently a client came into my office asking, “Where are all the men?” At age 32 and well in to her career, she has found it increasingly difficult to meet men over the last few years, and is now wondering where she will meet her knight-in-shining-armor.
As we brainstormed about different strategies she might use and places she might go, I thought of several female friends who always seem to meet more men than they could ever date. Shavannia Williams, who runs a blog called “Heels & Helmets,” instantly came to mind. Her blog and workshops cater to women who are interested in learning more about how to connect with men through sports.
So, I called Shavannia and asked her for her thoughts on where my clients might go to meet men. As we talked, she expressed to me that many women grew up with the idea that their “knight-in-shining armor” would find them. However, after spending time developing their careers, a lot of professional women in their thirties and forties are asking, “Well, where is he?”
She said to help your knight-in-shining-armor find you, you have to assess, “Where do I go?” Are you going to the places where men are? As the old saying goes, you have to “fish where the fish are plentiful.” I am not advocating that women must be aggressive and lead the dating process. However, it is less likely that you will meet a man staying at home, going to brunches or attending women-only functions.
So, where should you go? Let me share a personal story to answer that question. Last fall, Shavannia invited me, and several of our friends, out to watch MNF (Monday Night Football) at a sports bar. Not one of our single girlfriends showed up for the party. She had to entertain about 17 guys by herself. (Poor thing!)
Ironically, the “no shows” are the same ladies that tell us both that they never meet men anymore. Well, they missed out on meeting several that evening.
Here are Shavannia’s five secrets to put you on track to meet more men than you could ever date:
1. Location, location, location – If your knight hasn’t found you yet, why not help him out by going where he goes to polish his armor? One of the best places to meet men is where they hang out in large numbers - sports bars. Between all of the professional sports leagues and college sports, every single week there is something going on in sports. Men typically follow these events at sports bars, with their buddies. And it’s about to be March Madness, the NCAA Men’s College Basketball tournament. Ladies, this is like fishing out of a barrel!
2. Don’t just show up; join in on the fun – Read some information on the sport and the team (and ladies, I know that there are plenty of you who not only know the basics, but more! This is for those who haven’t yet had the desire or opportunity to do so). You do not need to sound like a coach, but understand the basics, so that you can engage in conversation, ask questions and have some fun!
3. Keep the conversation fun, light and on the game – Because men are having a good time and are serious about the game when they are watching sports, be very sure to keep the vibe positive. Put another way refrain from commentary unrelated to the game, or cute comments about the player’s muscular legs.
4. Bring a flirtatious attitude – Don’t be bashful about winking or trading witty comments to describe yourself. This demonstrates that you are a lady, not one of the guys, friendly and open to talking. Recently, I went out with a group of women whom I had known for years. All of a sudden, one of the women -- who was generally stoic and somewhat intimidating to me -- started to wink at me. Although unbeknownst to me she had an eye problem, I began to find her attractive. Secret: Your knight might need a green light to come over and be Knightish.
5. Every Knight has a best friend - Recognize that while every man is not for you, all men have friends who might be. And I’m sure that they have more than one friend. The gentleman that you are speaking with just might be your Knight’s best friend. Ding! Hope a light just went off for you, because it’s about opening yourself up to a new network filled with more men than you could ever date.
I hope that you not only enjoy these five secrets, and use them to help your “knight-in-shining-armor” discover you. Happy dating!