I am so over Weinergate. Should he resign? Is sexting cheating? Why do we care? We care because our own white picket fences, people every day deal with the same issues...love, sex, and infidelity. While some of you are thinking this is just another day, another powerful politician exposed, we all agree that even by Washington, or worse, Hollywood standards, this one is a mess. Mr. Weiner is reportedly entering rehab to seek treatment for his problem. If I were Weiner's lawyer, I'd send him for help---real help. Real help is available and I would direct him to one of the most intuitive, insightful, and knowledge experts I know---Dr. Holly Hein. Since Dr. Hein is here on my coast and her perspective is so valuable I asked her if she would share with me (and you) her plan to help Anthony Weiner help himself. This is what Dr. Hein says:
"I may be the only one in America not angry with Mr. Weiner! That's right. I'm not angry.
But I am sad.
I'm sad he thought whatever he did on the Internet would go unseen.
Why do I feel this way?
I think I can help Mr. Weiner-- and all of us -- understand why he shouldn't be the daily headline, and nightly joke.
If I had a chance to work with Weiner, what would it be like?
It might go something like this.
After establishing a relationship with him, I would ask him what was going on in his life that prompted him to do this when he did.
I would ask him if he ever felt lonely? What life was like for him all those years he spent devoting himself to his career?
And yes, I would show him those pictures he posted.
I would try to show him he may have a split between what he thinks, and what he feels.
You see, he probably has trouble getting in touch with his feelings so that he turns to what he knows - since adolescence -- makes him feel good, and gives him a rush.
I believe that he must learn what his emotional needs are and how to meet them in a more fulfilling way than work.
That is precisely what he will need to work on. He is not connected to those he loves in the moments he is lost in an adolescent trance, behaving inappropriately to them and to himself.
He will have to grieve and get over the shame he most assuredly feels. He will have to learn how to feel and deal with those feelings.
I believe that if there is a fundamentally good connection for him and his wife, they could become a couple able to interconnect in ways that have not been possible as of yet.
I sincerely hope he moves beyond this mistake by taking the necessary steps and do the hard work that it takes to grow up.
"It takes a village to raise a child" but the way it is done is not by trashing someone, it is done in an empathic environment where a person feels safe and can do the hard work of growing up and growing strong and able to love while being separate but close.
Most men who are power brokers in any field are allowed to squeak by under the radar even though they are often doing the same thing as our Congressman. I am sure he is not alone, yet everyone seems to make fun of, and yes, pass judgment on a politician's predilections in the bedroom (or in this case, the House member's gym).
Why are we so surprised men who are hyper focused on their careers are stuck somewhere in the past when it comes to emotional maturity?
We are a nation that has demonstrated we know how to forgive. I think it's time for us to consider forgiveness for Anthony Weiner. I wish him luck on his journey.
ABOUT DR. HOLLY HEIN
A leading expert on Relationships, Infidelity, Sexuality and Addiction, Dr. Holly is an acclaimed psychotherapist, educator and author. For more information about Dr. Holly Hein, please visit her website at drhollyhein.com