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Pardon Me While My Life Blows Up

I haven’t posted in a while but life continues to explode. Zoe is doing well; I finally got her to the vet last week on the fourth try. I swear that cat has a sixth sense.
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I Feared That I Would Lose My Best Fried

I put her down gently, she took a few steps and collapsed on the floor. It was almost as she was unable to bear her own weight.
gerri luce

I Attended a Conference Devoted to Personality Disorders

This past Friday and Saturday, I had the opportunity to attend a conference presented by the NASSPD or the North American Society for the Study of Personality Disorders.

This Is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week 2017

I was having a great time during the years that led up to my first hospitalization from anorexia. My career as a promotion development manager in New York City was taking off.

A Book Written By Us, For Us, That Understands Us - with BPD

Over a year ago, I saw a call for submissions for stories from individuals who have recovered from borderline personality disorder.

I'm Looking Forward to 2017 Without Therapy

The idea that therapy with my long-time psychiatrist Dr. Adena is over for good has not sunk all the in way yet.

A Surreal Experience

I knew it would happen, but it took a year. One of the hospitals that I cover as part of my work is the psychiatric hospital to which I was admitted numerous times since 1990.

Fire Island: My First Real Vacation in Years

I returned this past Thursday from what may have been my first real vacation since 2005, when my brother generously sent me and my cousin Jamie to Paris.

I Inherited More Than Depression From My Father

It has been quite a while since I’ve posted. I realize that the last time that I didn’t post for this long, I was severely depressed and it led to a suicide attempt.

On This Anniversary Of My Father's Death

Today, April 24, 2016 is the 3rd anniversary of my father’s death. He died after spending 10 days in Cavalry Hospital in the Bronx, NY which is devoted to palliative care.
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Asthma and Migraines Are Painful, but Depression Hurts More.

I’ve been struggling with my physical health — migraines and asthma to be specific and the combined fight has been taking a toll on my energy so I haven't been posting.

National Eating Disorders Awareness Week is 2/21 - 2/27.

I developed anorexia at the age of 27. It took me 26 years to recover from this deadly eating disorder which stole so much from me.

Stigma Is Alive and Well, Even in the Psychiatric Community

When I was growing up as a child in Queens, NY, one of the boroughs of New York City, there were six of us girls who formed a close circle of friends.

Continuing To Search For The Root Of My Self-Hatred

Determined to keep the momentum in gear, I strode into my psychiatrist, Dr. Adena’s (not her real name) office this past Monday night and parked my rear end in one of her chairs.

Self-Hatred Is At The Root Of It All

Recently I was at my brother’s home for brunch and I had the impetus to bring some old photo albums.

I Have So Much To Be Thankful For This Year

Thanksgiving Day has come and gone for this year. I enjoyed a delicious meal, courtesy of my brother and his girlfriend, and her mother. The day was full of bites that we savored, good conversation, laughter and a certain warmth that comes from being with people who you care about and who care about you.

The Octopus That Stands in My Way Now

I’ve known for a while that it’s difficult to write when I’m not feeling well emotionally, as evidenced by my seven month hiatus from this blog during the recurrence of my depression last year. What I didn’t realize was that it’s also difficult to write when I’m not feeling well physically which is what I’ve been experiencing since being hospitalized in September.

This Time I Have A Right To Be Anxious About My Health (2)

Two weeks after I got home from the hospital with the pulmonary embolism (PE), I began to feel strangely again. It was a Sunday; I felt dizzy and I noticed a good amount of blood in my stool. I was concerned mainly because I was on a blood thinner for the PE.

Today, October 10, 2015 is Mental Health Awareness Day

One in four people lives with a mental illness worldwide. We all deserve to have dignity in our lives, from others, but also from ourselves.

This Time I Have A Right To Be Anxious About My Health (1)

The saga started on Thursday, August 27th, which today seems as though it was not quite a lifetime ago. On that evening I had an asthma attack, the immediacy of which was controlled by a session with my home nebulizer machine. But over that weekend and that Monday, I couldn’t quite seem to catch my breath which I knew wasn’t the way it was supposed to be.

A Vicious Cycle

I’m in a revolving door and right now, I’m having a hard time finding my way out. I’m just going around and around in way that is self-sabotaging. I see a slice of light, I grab for it much like a child on a carousel grabs for the golden ring, but it continues to elude me. I need to, I must find my way out.

I'm Using The Technique of Journaling

I hadn’t kept a journal in a long time. The last time was my string of hospitalizations from 2005 to 2007 when I had an extended collapse. I’d take a notebook when I'd go into the hospital and the process of putting pen to paper and recording my thoughts helped contribute to keeping whatever piece of sanity that was possible to hold onto in the midst of all that insanity.

This Past Week Was A Real Test Of My Emotional Strength

The shock of having a heart condition hit me hard. Not only that but the coronary artery spasms are my third chronic medical condition, on top of the chronic obstructive asthma and the migraines, and the second to be diagnosed in 2015.It’s as though I fought so hard to become emotionally healthy only to be struck down by chronic physical illness.

Coming To Terms With The Experience Of Psychosis

When I was in the hospital for the second time last year following my suicide attempt, in April of 2014, I experienced psychotic symptoms. They were delusions, beliefs about situations that I believed in some respect to be true. They were not. For me, they were incredibly frightening and distressing.

It's Time To Terminate Therapy

I’ve made an earth-shattering decision in my therapy with my psychiatrist and therapist, Dr. Adena (not her real name). I’ve decided to enter the termination phase of treatment. Now before we all jump out of our seats, let me mention that I also determined that this phase will last between twelve and eighteen months.

Tattoo Art

It’s a little known secret but I have a tattoo. It’s a small, discreet design of a Shira symbol which represents the fluidity of water and its rough translation is that “everything’s gonna be okay.” I got the tattoo on my right shoulder in 2008 which was at the end of a three year run of a serious breakdown.

The Art Of Breathing

Pranayama is the yoga practice of breathing. According to Yoga Magazine, “pranayama begins with the regulation of the breath. Breath, like electricity, is gross prana, while prana itself is subtle.”

My Self-Destructive Pursuit for Perfectionism

I learned the hard way this past weekend about the connection — for me in particular — among stress, asthma and the pursuit for perfectionism. And I won’t even throw in the effect all this has on migraines.

I Feel Different

I’ve always felt different. Since I was a little girl and somehow I knew that I was the only child who kept her room pristine with everything in order. And made her bed every morning. And later, when I was a teenager and had to hide the fact that my father lost his job and that he was a drunk

A Response to "Why Patients with BPD Don't Get Better"

This post is in response to a post authored by David M Allen, MD titled “Why Patients with Borderline Personality Disorder Don’t Get Better,” published on June 15, 2015. I have several problems with this post and I’ll start with the title. Firstly, the title is a vast over-generalization.