10 Ways to Apologize Appropriately

I began to receive a slew of personal, dysfunctional apologies. People from my past started sending me apologies. Many of them were nothing more that passive aggressive confessions disguised as apologies. I realized that given the opportunity to mend things, most of the world just doesn’t know how to apologize. Hurt people tend to hurt people.

Five Awkward First Dates You Probably Want to Avoid

Five months ago, at the height of my most dysfunctional dating orbit yet, I decided my relationship rocket was in need of repair. I took it into the shop and decided to go on a total dating hiatus. Somehow, along my New York City journey, I’d gotten locked in the equivalent of the Star Wars cantina closet and I couldn’t get out.

Top 10 Ways to Breakup Thru Text

Whereas a typical breakup can take anywhere from 3 hours to 6 months, expect to spend no more than 45 seconds on a text breakup...and it’s much easier (unless you have a limited text message plan). Modern men no longer need to be bogged down with "the talk," icky hurt, vulnerable feelings or resolutions. The millennium was made for the modern man.

An Alternative Guys Guide to Relationship Baggage

You can’t keep blaming the salesman who sold you your baggage. You either blame your parents or your previous partners for the demise of your current relationship and for everything bad thing that is currently happening now. When you refuse to take any of the responsibility or blame, you are only cultivating your victim karma.

Redefining the Law of Attraction and Monogamy

Having a relationship without some side attraction every once in a while is like dating a garden hose. To think you’ll be with one person for the rest of your life and not develop an attraction with another person is a lie they perpetuate in the text book you receive when you enroll in Falling in Love School at Monogamy University.

5 Essential Steps to Taking an Online Dating Sabbatical

“I don’t go out on dates, I go out on relationships.” Woody Allen says. Well, last week I quit dating so I wouldn’t have to go out on any more relationships and it feels permanent, which means it feels less like a sabbatical and more like an allergy. My friend who is allergic to bread cries every time he eats a sandwich. My recent reaction to dating is similar.

Starting Over with a New Life and New Vision

As I’ve come to understand the vision board and my creative process, I’ve come to understand how community intrinsically builds change: My biggest and most important ideas have come when I’m in the midst of others - not in isolation. I may paint in my studio, play the piano in my practice room or write alone at my lap top, but my spark always comes from another place.

Cupids Kick: A Valentine's Day Gift of Self Love

And that little eleven word email she sent me - a message no bigger than a tweet - well it’s helped me see how I’m no longer stuck in-between with a woman that never really wanted to be with me. After my inner Francisco-Goya-Woody-Allen settled down I actually saw that sometimes things fall apart sometimes so better things can fall together.

The New Narrative: Man vs Storytelling

While I watch it, I feel like a voyeur, a friend, an audience member, and a Peeping Tom at the same time. I get to feel ashamed and aroused and slightly uncomfortable, which is what the new narrative is all about. Maybe it’s just that my vision has shifted slightly now that I’m a Costco celebrity. Maybe, every stack of boxes will look like a gorgeous corrugated breast now.

Break up Rituals for Romantics

The only good thing that came out of the conversation was finding out that my Venus is in permanent retrograde which is kind of like finding out you’re being cast as Bradley Cooper in the movie "Silver Linings Playbook" every day for the rest of your life. I asked him if there was some kind of spell I could do to fix this. He told me to do a Thunder Blast.

Anatomy of a Relationship

You may know someone who is better at begining and ending relationships then being in relationships. That someone may be a member of your family. That someone may be you. I think every family has one of these people. In my family, I am this person.

My Frankenstorm Date with Sandy Warhol

The idea of having no electricity, no running water, and no internet for a week or more sounded perfect. I’d have all the time in the world to reflect on where I’d gone wrong and more than enough time to write - no distractions - no social media responsibilities - oh, the quiet possibilities. It would be like camping inside with a side of sweet self reflection.

Breaking up without Breaking Down

I decided for the 112th time to end things with her. We hugged goodbye. She was in tears. It felt different this time, but I no longer trust that feeling. It felt the same way the other 111 times.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Beards

Zack Galifiankis was funniest in one, John Lennon grew one when he wanted to “Give Peace a Chance,” Willie Nelson has a country one and Abraham Lincoln grew one so he’d look better on five-dollar bills and ads for Presidents’ Day sales.

Can Men and Women ever be “Just Friends”?

I enjoy having female friends, period. I liked it in elementary school, middle school and high school and I like it now, daggone it.

The 4 Fantasies Men Are Afraid to Talk About

Across the globe all of us little Boymen share one common testosterone-filled denominator that makes us who we are: We have personal fantasies (yet unfulfilled) that once came late at night in a sheet fort. I’m not talking about those bleep bleep fantasies that you bleep bleep for your bleep. I’m talking about the common denominator fantasies that shape our manhood.

The Good Guy’s Guide to Lying

According to a Shimer College adjunct faculty member, Dr. Yau (he also holds an MFA in Phrenology) whose team analyzed all 81 students at his school, there are 4 distinct ways to tell if a guy is lying.

A Guy's Guide to a Sexual Relationship in 6 Disappointing Parts

By dissecting the monumental failure of my marriage, I hope to also cleanse some of my karma when it comes to bombing tests, making horrible first impressions, and saying the dumbest things on job interviews and first dates. It's my hope that by doing this I will ultimately arrive in front of my next potential lifelong partner baggageless and inspire you to do the same.

The 5 Dumbest Things Guys Can Do in a Breakup

If things weren’t sucky enough, break-up articles make you feel even worse for making you feel like you broke up wrong.

The Clueless Groom Battles for Relationship Status

To be honest, after such a long road to our May-December engagement the congratulations seemed more like the kind warranted for someone who escapes from an episode of Dexter without being killed off.

Should the May-December Relationship End?

When we first met and calculated our age difference, we laughed. I knew it had nothing to do with our sense of humor. It was nervous laughter. Our age difference is 16 years. A typical May-December relationship.

My Lunch with Jon Bon Jovi

I imagined going home and telling my twin sisters how much I appreciated them and having them punch me in the stomach.

M3: Modern Matchmaker Matchmaking

Agnew came back to work for me last year. Disillusioned with his role as an imaginary personal assistant, I put him to work as a Yenta (or in his case a Yento), which is Yiddish word that is synonymous with Jewish matchmaker. He's really more of a courtship counselor.

Love in the Time of Big Hair

From that point forward every budding memoirist in the world with a unique tale to tell would be required to wear a house arrest ankle bracelet and jump through a hoop.