This Simple Insight Will Take a Load Off Your Mind

You'll be a lot smarter, happier and more bully-proof when you divorce the popular moral nonsense that makes an absolute virtue out of only-sometimes-useful tactics.

The Two Ways We Shop For Psychological Insights

Psychological therapy and psychological science have different goals. It's useful to be clear on the difference.

Is “You Can’t Change People” True?

"You can't change people" is self-contradictory, like saying "let me persuade you that people can't be persuaded." Like all self-contradictions it's good food for thought.

The Truth About Lying Politicians

Yes they lie, but we all do. The question isn't whether to lie but when? When does it help and when does it hurt? Not as easy to answer as we'd like to think.

There Are Two Kinds Of People

Remembering that you're fallible even in the middle of a fight.

Narcissism Isn’t One Thing But Many

If you think that you’re dealing with a narcissist, don’t stop there because the devil is in the detail – what kind of narcissism if it’s narcissism at all.

A Simple Trick for Getting What You Really Want

Spinplex: Spin piled high, like saying that something is great because it's tremendous, huge and great. Learn to spin and unspin these spinplexes and you'll be happier long-term.

Doing Well Vs. Doing Right

Love is not the answer. Toughness is not the answer. Tough love is not the answer. Tough love is the question.

How To Tell If Someone Is Being Unreasonable

Unreasonable: Unwilling or unable to explain our opinions.

The Key to Calmfident Self-Assertion

There's nothing more unenlightened than attacking the ignorant, nor more ignorant than trying to enlighten the con artist. Here's how to avoid both errors when speaking your mind.

Grouch Potatoes

A Grouch Potato is anyone who assumes that if there's a problem it must be you.

How to Fantasize: Sex, Religion, Politics

Blaming politicians for lying is like watching a few hours of porn and, while cleaning up after yourself, cursing the porn stars for pretending they’re in love.

Evolution: The Sad End Of "Happily Ever After"

We all dream of panaceas, or ways to win permanently. The harshest truth from evolutionary theory is that we never do.

Love, Good Chemistry And How They're Different

With love we bond but we also bond with glue. So what's the difference, and why do we blur the distinction as though love were just good chemistry?

Wild-Card Trump Cards: Hate ISIS? Rethink Revelation

Even if your spiritual or religious beliefs are wholesome and virtuous you may be part of the problem.

9 More Compassionate Ways to Say No

Whether it's saying no to a lover, job candidate, spouse, friend or business proposal, here are some basic principles for doing it compassionately.

Self-Winding Movements

Love em, hate em, prove them wrong--with fanatics, everything you do fuels their zeal. You can't help but fuel some of the people all the time.

Moral Intelligence 101

Moral dilemmas are much more fundamental than moral principles.

Our Inner Donald Trumps

Psychological reflections on the campaign trail and what politics says about us all.

The Fastest Way to Feel Confident About Your Hopes and Plans

Your greatest leverage toward self-confidence can be had by designing and practicing a self-affirming response to "Hey how's it going? What are you up to these days?"

How Insecurity Happens and How to Overcome It

"Flow" happens when we're "in the groove." Anxiety arises when we "lose our groove." Here we explore how grooves are made.

How Minds Work: As Little As Possible

Once we're familiar with the windy contours of a path it becomes to us a straightaway. We love straightaways. They free our attention and fill us with confidence that we can cruise forever more.

Humankind's Current Growing Pains Are Right On Schedule

Taking stock is a good use of the holiday season, hard this year what with the calamities all around us. Still, from a broad vista humankind is doing fine, just what we'd expect to be doing now given evolutionary and human history.

Thanksgrieving: How Inevitable Decline Can Make Us Grateful

A grateful song I wrote for those times when it's hard to feel grateful.

When Ideological Differences Are Developmental Differences

It's not about ideology or political theory. Through the lens of developmental psychology, today's Republican majority simply manifests immaturity. Sure, they'll cry, "hey, no fair!" but so do all children who try to stir theoretical debate when they don't get what they want.

What's The Difference Between Rationality And Rationalizing?

We toss around rational and rationalize as though we know the obvious objective difference between them when actually, it's a little more complicated than that.

Romance Is Bad for Our Mental Health

The tendency to treat life's rough, uncertain ride as romantic fiction runs and ruins our personal and social lives. Romance ignores chance in favor of fate, probabilities in favor of certainties, details in favor of destinies. It glorifies us and vilifies anyone who gets in our way. It turns love into a sugar high and crash and makes a mess of politics.

A Bigger Take-Away From Paris

In holier than thou competition, the absolutely holy become holy terrors.

Is Virtual Virtue a Virtue or a Vice?

If you're a little troubled by the lightweight gesture of simply Praying for Paris, Je suis Charlie, or just clicking to superimpose the French Flag on our Facebook pictures, you're tapping into an old concern, whether little gestures are empty or useful.

The Know-It-All's Code

Life is hard and complex but it doesn't have to feel that way. Follow the Troll Code and you can have all the smug self-satisfaction you want.

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