The School Of Hard Knocks, Not Soft Grades

It's crazy: We expect children to be motivated by abstract arguments that wouldn't motivate adults, even though children are much worse at abstraction.

Striving To Maximize Both Charm and Chutzpah

Etiquette is no longer enough to make a gentleman or gentlewoman, and actually never was. Aspiring gents must strive to maximize etiquette and character, humility and boldness, always seeking for better ways to speak their minds and be heard.

The Trouble With "Shame On You! You Shouldn't Feel That!"

Some people shun negative emotions to purge them. It doesn't work.

10 Tips for More Efficient Listening

Better listening isn't more listening, it's listening more efficiently to what's worth heeding, not what's worth ignoring.

The Difference Between Rationalization and Rationality

Thinking fast; thinking slow is a hot topic these days, but it may be two topics confused with each other.

What I Learned From 2,000 Hours Of Freudian Psychoanalysis

Everything I learned from long psychoanalysis, distilled to nine bullet points. Can you learn it just by reading the list? Probably not but you may be learning it anyway.

The Most Overlooked Reason To Commit

You can't tell what a compromise will cost until you commit to it and start figuring out how to make it cost less.

Bite Your Tongue, Silence Is Often Delicious

The talking cure doesn't always cure. We psychology fans can be slow to learn the power of silence—safe, sound non-response to provocation, letting things pass rather than processing.

Owning Our Psychological Dark Matter

When we divvy responsibility for problems, we tend to take responsibility for consciously but not unconsciously motivated error, which can cause additional problems.

I-candy: Evidence That You’re A-OK

Your ability to stay committed in any relationship depends on how much self-affirming I-candy you expect and how much you can tolerate its absence.

Regret And Worry: A User’s Guide

Regret and worry have their place. Here's some background on them, helpful to keeping them in their place.

Facing Our Two-Facedness

We all want opposite things. Life goes better and gets more interesting when you admit that you do, too.

The Key To Relationship Success…And Failure

Today's most popular advice on successful marriage: Don't show criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. But this has couples criticizing each other for showing these traits, and defending against that accusation. The solution lies deeper than banishing these "four horsemen of the apocalypse."

8 Tips for Amateur Psychologists

"Don't psychologize or psychoanalyze me!" What's behind that ban and what can people interested in psychology do about it.

People Who Say “I Hate Game Playing” Play Them

Hate game playing? Hate it enough to wonder what's really behind it? If so read on.

You're NOT Being Irrational!

Rational means comparing, using ratios. We all do that, but sometimes we compare to the wrong things.

Not Just Curious: What In You Seeks Psychological Insights?

You could be watching cat videos but instead you read PT Blogs. Why is that? Here's one big appetite for psychological insight

Rocky Partnership? Here's How To Decide What To Do.

Compatibilities are easy. They're the free space on the bingo board of love. The incompatibilities will get you if you don't manage them well. Here's a quick but powerful test for inventorying the incompatibilities.

8 Tips For Teasing Lovingly To Relieve Partnership Tension

Healthy teasing can make partners feel safe and free. Unhealthy teasing can make partners feel unsafe and unfree. Here are a few ideas about how to stay on the healthy side of teasing, especially when your working to expand how safe and free you both feel.

The Key To Diagnosing Narcissism Diagnosers

Psychology Today's most popular articles are about how to diagnose narcissists. What drives our interest? Here are some factors to consider.

This May Explain Your Relationship Frustrations

Some people need to process, others try to avoid it. Both are looking for ways to feel safe and free within intimacy.

When You Can't Tell If They're Serious

It's fun to just browse the options, but sooner or later you have to prioritize.

The Fastest Way to Get Over It

Grief, mourning, grudges—necessary but man, can they suck away the years and we don't get that many years anyway you cut it. Here are a few fast-acting poems that can keep the sucking to a minimum.

Infantasy: The Dream of Unconditional Love Never Dies Young

Romantic love and confirmation of our social worth are complexly tangled.

16 Therapeutic Tweets

A lot of therapy focuses on "what's wrong with you?" but eventually graduates to what's up with us?," an embrace of the human condition in all its details. One way to play with "what's up with us?" is to take notes like a social scientist. Observe, reflect, jot share.

What's Really, Really Important

Want a formula for figuring out what's truly important? We all do. Here's what we do since there isn't one.

5 Steps to Optimal Illusion

Self-deceptively, most people consider themselves more realistic than average and consider it a virtue to only want the truth. Fact is, none of us do. It's more realistic to admit you're not always realistic. Here's a guess at the path to optimal illusion, kidding ourselves where it helps, not where it hurts.

Be A Selectrician, Wiring Yourself For Sound Growth

We are creatures of our environments. Do what you can to wire up your environment so it grows you in the directions you want to grow.

Mistat: How the other guy becomes the one who started it

It's popularly understood that game theory suggests that tit for tat is a common, appropriate strategy. If you're attacked, attack back. But this simple version of game theory overlooks a human problem with tit for tat: Often an attack is ambiguous. We mistake an innocuous move as an attack and tat when we haven't been titted.

11 Reasons: How to Explain People's Frustrating Behavior

We're notoriously good at rationalizing our behavior and criticizing the behavior of others, and we can't override this tendency simply by deciding to be more even-handed. Here's an alternative: Inventory 11 factors that influence what we all do.