Verified by 
Back-to-school season is an especially unique time for children who are in the throes of changing schools. Even more so if they come from another state or country. And if they are entering a new family and needing to learn a new language, there's going to a lot on the child's mind--some of things he or she may be too young to actually have words for yet, not only in a language that is totally "foreign" to them, but in their primary language as well.
When our daughters arrived from Russia, they were fortunate to attend public schools in a district that offered a strong English Language Development (ELD) program to non-native English speakers. They were also fortunate to have parents who spoke English AND to have each other, to maintain their Russian language. They stayed in ELD one year, then were mainstreamed. Our district fostered immersion which is somewhat a necessity when, at any given time, more than 100 languages are spoken by new or existing students whose English comprehension kept them from being mainstreamed.
All over the country (and world) children who have been adopted by families in a culture different than their own, are preparing for their first day of school. Jane Katch's new book, FAR AWAY FROM THE TIGERS--A Year in the Classroom with Internationally Adopted Children, is an engaging read that combines stories from the classroom, and conversations with children's parents. Katch, who teaches at the Touchstone Community School in Massachusetts, stresses the value of encouraging--and allowing--children to learn and develop at their own pace.
Just in time for fall registration, long lines at Office Max to buy school supplies and frantic trips to the mall for back-to-school clothes, Jane Katch answers some questions about parent fears, misunderstanding about children adopted internationally and emotional growth of children in and out of the classroom.
Meredith: What are parents most concerned about when they bring a new child, from another country to your classroom? Do their original concerns often end up taking a backseat to something else?
JANE KATCH: When I have asked parents that question, they have told me about the tension that can exist for them between their wish to have their kids seen as "regular kids" but also to be appreciated for what is unique about them, including their adoption and their heritage. The parents can be unsure how much to emphasize the past--should they offer to celebrate the Chinese New Year in school or bring in special food from Russia? What if the child does not show an interest in sharing these parts of his/her heritage in school but is trying to just fit in--is it all right to just go along with what the child wants? One of the parents in my class believed it was important for their child, a boy adopted from Cambodia, to have them come on and talk about their trip to Cambodia to adopt him, when it was a part of a unit I was doing on family stories, even though he was not able to come out and say directly that he wanted them to do it. His parents felt that he needed to see that they celebrated his heritage, even though he was more ambivalent about it. These can be complex decisions.
Another area that is challenging for parents is their concern about developmental problems that may show up in school. As one parent explained to me, if you come from a family where everyone wears glasses, then you start watching carefully, when the child is school-aged, to see if he/she will need glasses. But if you don't know what to look for, you feel as though you need to be looking for everything that might go wrong. So it can seem as though you are hyper-vigilant. As a parent you don't want to be always looking for what's wrong with your child.
I believe that an experienced teacher can be very helpful with these tensions. Teachers see many children the same age as your child and know, for example, that most five-year-olds are happy to have a parent come in with a special ethnic snack while a seven-year-old may want to eat what everyone else is eating. A good teacher will know what behaviors are typical for the age and what ones seem to point to something unusual or worrisome. To have this conversation, though, there must be a trusting and open parent-teacher relationship. Most teachers, however, know very little about the issues that can come up around adoption. So it is up to you, the parents, to educate them.
I think that parents' concerns are constantly changing as our children grow. But one area that seems to continue to be a challenge, both for adoptive and non-adoptive parents, stems from the tension between the ideas and images we had about the kind of kids we would have and the parents we would be and the realities of who our children really are and who we need to be as parents in order to meet their needs. How flexible we can be when our kids are different from the kids we imagined in our daydreams--and how flexible we can be in becoming the parents they really need--will have a big effect on how well we work together as a family.
Meredith: Can you tell me about the things you misunderstood about children adopted internationally? Did your misunderstandings ever mirror the parents?
JANE KATCH: I first became puzzled about children from international adoptions when I had three children in my kindergarten that were worrying me. Katya, adopted from Russia, was manipulative with her friends and wanted all the attention at group times. How should I set limits for her in a way that would not remind her of the harsh orphanage she had come from? Jasper, from Romania, would spend the play time each day practicing the alphabet in uppercase, lowercase, and cursive. Should I let him take his time or encourage him to join the group of boys building a puppy pound on the block area nearby? Caleb, from Russia, could articulate words properly but couldn't tell a coherent story.
How could I prepare him for first grade reading and writing when he did not seem to know how to use words to make sense? I wanted someone to give me the answers but what I discovered was that quick answers were not to be found--the solutions would be ones that we came up with together, once their parents and I had developed a relationship of trust and support for each other.
When I started writing my book, Far Away from the Tigers: A Year in the Classroom with Internationally Adopted Children, I was looking for answers to my questions. What I discovered is that opening up the dialogue is what is most important--even if we don't come up with "the answers."
Meredith: The classroom is not only a place for learning, but for emotional development, and building trust in others, and in the child himself. How do you do this?
JANE KATCH: I agree with you very strongly about this--no one learns well when they feel defensive and frightened. We all do our best learning when we feel safe and appreciated for who we are. I usually start out by being curious. Why is a child behaving the way he is? What helps the child feel more safe or learn more easily? I watch carefully, assuming the child is doing the best he or she can. Kids want to learn and have friends. If something is getting in the way, then what is it that the child really wants and what is getting in the way? Then I try to see what I can do to improve the situation. (continued on next page)
For example, Katya became upset every day at lunch time. She would open here lunch box and complain loudly that there was nothing there that she liked. Yet I was sure that her parents did everything they could to find nutritious food that she would like. When I talked about it with her parents, I learned that they had observed her at a mealtime at the orphanage. Her caregiver, who had many children to feed and clean up, stuffed food in her mouth so fast Katya threw it up. Then the caregiver would continue feeding her--while she continued to gag. When we talked about it, we saw that Katya needed to feel in control of her food intake. We decided she could have two lunch boxes every day, so she could reject one and still have food left in the other!
This unconventional idea did help her and gradually she was able to enjoy more of her food at school.
For more information about Jane, her workshops and other training, and to check out her other work and books, or to contact her, visit her website at JaneKatch.com.
