WARNING: THIS POST MAY CAUSE NEGATIVE REACTIONS IN STUPID PEOPLE. It has come to my attention recently that stupid people have been misreading my posts. As a result, I have decided to ban stupid people from accessing my blog. I take this step reluctantly, since this will eliminate ____ percent of PT readers. (Sorry, I have a pizza stain on the figure in my notes, and I forget what the research people have determined this number to be.)
Don't worry, stupid people, you can still ready Kanazawa's posts, and they're stupider than hell! What's that—not available any more? Sorry—still plenty of material for you, though. Anyhow, I hope you will understand (of course, since you're stupid, . . . ?)
NEWS ITEM: It turns out that Republican Senator Marco Rubio's parents, whom Rubio had always claimed to great political effect escaped from Castro's Cuba, actually left the country before Castro came to power. In other words, they were Batista (the U.S.-friendly dictator) exiles, which just doesn't cut it in Southern Florida, where Rubio rose to power.
But what has been most interesting in all this is Rubio's response. I paraphrase: "So what? My parents really disliked Castro, so it amounts to the same thing." Here is Rubio's hard-hitting response to critics of his minor distortion of his family history:
What's important is that the essential facts of my family's story are completely accurate. My parents are from Cuba. After arriving in the United States, they had always hoped to one day return to Cuba if things improved and traveled there several times. . . They were exiled from the home country they tried to return to because they did not want to live under communism. That is an undisputed fact and to suggest otherwise is outrageous.
When I realized the truth in Rubio's analysis—you can say anything and make it true—I went back and researched another important "historical" moment, the sinking of PT 109 under the command of John Kennedy, and found out this it was completely fabricated as well! Following are the myth of PT 109 and the actual truth.
Myth: John Kennedy, despite his bad back, was able to get an appointment into the United States Navy, where he immediately sought to enter combat. He was placed in charge of PT 109, a torpedo boat that attacked Japanese destroyers among the South Pacific's Solomon Islands. After several disastrous encounters by American PT commanders with the Japanese, resulting in many deaths, a Japanese destroyer cut Kennedy's boat in half, causing an explosion and killing several crew members and severely injuring others. Kennedy swam four hours with eleven survivors of the attack to a deserted island, towing one of his injured crew, avoiding sharks, crocodiles, and the Japanese (who had camps on all of the nearby large islands). Eventually, after six days surviving on coconuts on deserted islands, Kennedy and his crew were rescued by two Solomon Islanders with a dugout canoe who had been sent to search for survivors by an Australian scout, despite the memorial service that had already been conducted on the assumption that the entire crew had been killed. The Islanders at first fixed their guns on Kennedy and his crew, since to them the Japanese and Americans were all white people! Eventually, Kennedy convinced the men they were on the same team. But their canoe was too small to load the Americans on board. Kennedy instead cut a message on a coconut that the Islanders carried to an allied base (if they were caught, the Japanese would have tortured and killed them). A canoe returned for Kennedy, who then coordinated a rescue of all the survivors by another PT boat.
Pshew! What a story! Okay, here's what really happened, contrary to all of this historic folderol.
Truth: Kennedy got a cushy job at a U.S. Navy base, and stayed up late every night getting drunk and telling elaborate lies about his service. After the war, when asked how he hurt his back, he said, "Why, towing that wounded sailor after our boat was sunk, of course!" A legend was born—and the rest is political history. When confronted with his outrageous lies years later, Kennedy blithely announced—a la Rubio—"Well, I really disliked the Japanese and wanted our side to win the war— so it all amounts to the same thing."
Wait a sec—did I tell you the truth about those outrageous lies concerning Lincoln—you know, that he freed the slaves and was assassinated for keeping the United States together?
Wait until I tell you what really happened in my next post!
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