Picture: Egyptian serving-girl pouring beer
Unbelievably, the Discovery Channel ran a special Sunday night - How Beer Saved the World - explaining that all of civilization is due to beer!
Relying on food, technology, archeology and anthropology researchers and experts, the show listed the following claims for beer, starting with, "Without beer, we'd probably all still be living in caves" and the "story of beer has never been told":
Civilization. Although humans first appeared in their current version about three million years ago, modern civilization only took form 10,000 years ago with the cultivation of crops for the primary purpose of fermenting beer. One expert said that human history could as readily be divided into BB and AB - before and after beer - as BC and AD.
Technology. The show maintained that all of the agricultural discoveries that followed - the plow, irrigation, wagons and further transportation - are thus traceable to beer.
Mathematics. Mathematics was required to define the boundaries of farming properties, keep track of production of crops and beer, et al.
Writing. Record-keeping likwise required writing - the Cuneiform symbol for beer is frequently found in early Mesopotamian writing.
Art and religion. Poetry and other ecstatic forms of expression all trace back to the origins of fermentation.
Nutrition. The population of Egypt, the earliest civilization, was maintained by beer which was consumed by every person - man, woman, and child - at every meal.
Health. Millions of people escaped death in the Middle Ages because beer fermentation involves boiling water and killing bacteria - as in Egypt, people of all ages consumed beer regularly, reaching 600 liters per person annually.
The Church! The Church became wealthy during the Middle Ages through the devotion of monasteries to beer production.
Founding of America. Pilgrims on the Mayflower would not drink water, which was often putrid, but only drank beer. They stopped at Plymouth Rock because they ran out of beer - which they fermented from acorns initially in Massachusetts!
Democracy. Taverns were the primary community institutions in Colonial America and were the site for the planning and spread of the revolution - beginning with the Tea Party. Our founding fathers produced beer - including Washington, Adams, and Franklin, who said - "beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
Medicine. Louis Pasteur discovered bacteria and invented pasteurization - which prompted the modern era of medicine, including sterile operations and childbirth - out of his concern for the spoilage of beer (and wine) .
Industrialization. Ten years prior to Ford's development of assembly production of automobiles, mass production machinery was used to create bottles for beer.
Humanitarianism. And, the show claims, this mass production began our modern concern for humanity - by eliminating child labor.
Clearly, this is all some plot by beer manufacturers - and all of the "scientists" shown should be ___________________. Who will join me in this movement, starting with boycotting the Discovery Channel? As so many commenters have written into my blog, alcohol is the source of all misery in the world, and the denial of its evil is the root of all evil.