For perfectionists, life is an endless report card on accomplishments or looks. It's a fast track to unhappiness, and perfectionism is often accompanied by depression and eating disorders. What makes perfectionism so toxic is that while those in its grip desire success, they are most focused on avoiding failure, so theirs is a negative orientation. And love isn't a refuge; in fact, it feels way too conditional on performance. The need for perfection is usually transmitted in small ways from parents to children, some as silent as a raised eyebrow over a B rather than an A.

Recent Posts on Perfectionism

6 Little Known Factors That Can Affect Depression

By Pamela D. Garcy Ph.D. on November 18, 2015 Fearless You
These 6 little known factors can affect depression.

The Story of a Fierce 8-Asserter Facing Death

By Elizabeth Wagele on November 17, 2015 The Career Within You
As an Asserter, Lester had difficulty giving up his power and sense of control. He insisted that I see him as a powerful man.

A Bigger Take-Away From Paris

By Jeremy E Sherman Ph.D. on November 16, 2015 Ambigamy
In holier than thou competition, the absolutely holy become holy terrors.

Why Women Over-Apologize: How and Why To Stop It!

What drives women to over-apologize? And why you need to get a grip.

The Human Seeking Perfection

One cannot be truly human alone. Other humans are required

You Don’t Have to Be Perfect

Procrastination, weight problems, and over-spending all depend on feeling special.

When the Best You Can Be is Not Good Enough

By Abigail Brenner M.D. on October 28, 2015 In Flux
There are specific times in our lives when we don't feel like we're good enough. But the challenges for a person raised to feel "not good enough" most of the time is a daunting one. Where do these internal messages come from, how are they generated, and what can we do to learn that we are indeed enough, just the way we are.

Embracing Imperfection

Frustrated with the messiness of life with kids? A subtle shift can make all the difference in the world.

Ridding Happiness Contaminant 2: LHT Anxiety

While we have to endure all sorts of hassles and hardships in life, we need not experience anxiety about them. Learn how to never turn a hardship into a horror and thus never fall prey to anxiety.

Let's Cut New Moms Some Slack

Modern mothering is the best and the worst, light and darkness, hope and despair, all rolled into one. And too few people are talking about it.

6 Mental Habits That Will Wear You Down

Do you struggle with self-doubt and self-defeating habits? Do you want to feel more confident about yourself and what you have to offer? Do you focus on pleasing others, rather than following your dreams and living your best life? The best way to start feeling better about yourself is to notice the automatic mental and emotional habits that don’t serve you well.

The Zodiac and Other Thrill Killers

By Scott A. Bonn Ph.D. on September 21, 2015 Wicked Deeds
Thrill killers like the Zodiac are perfectionists and often have narcissistic personalities. Such traits may drive them to pursue the goal of a perfect murder. Their motive is to induce pain or terror in victims prior to killing them. Victims are generally strangers but the killer may stalk them for a period of time before the attack to fuel the the excitement of the hunt.

How to Think of Your Body as Beautiful at Any Size

By Gregg McBride on September 19, 2015 The Weight-ing Game
The more we accept and respect others (no matter what they look like), the more disposed we'll be to extending that kind of acceptance (and even kindness) to ourselves. And when we change our judgements about how we look and what we weigh, we'll be more likely to initiate and even accomplish the kind of healthy, positive change that can lead to true transformation.

Fear Failure? Here’s a Note to Your Inner Critic

By Leslie Becker-Phelps Ph.D. on September 15, 2015 Making Change
You, like many people, might motivate yourself by being self-critical. You might expect that you need to do this to succeed. But what if you're wrong? What if you're hurting more than helping yourself?

5 Beliefs to Radically Transform Unhappiness to Wellbeing

Are you sad, anxious, managing a difficult relationship, grief or divorce? Are you feeling the stress of medical issues, parenting or work? Like flipping on a switch, changing the meaning you ascribe to life’s hardships instantaneously short circuits the thoughts that breed negative emotions. Adopt these 5 beliefs to transform unhappiness to wellbeing.

Mindfulness: The Antidote for Perfectionism

The concept of ‘mindfulness’ often congers up images of relaxation, stillness, or acting in some idealistic, staid way. There’s an assumption that it means being always calm, serene and in control. Because of this, it is occasionally portrayed as a set up for personal failure. Yet, that perspective misses the point of mindfulness in the first place.

Ridding Happiness Contaminants 1: Ego Anxiety

Anxiety cannot help but destroy one’s ability to be happy. Learn how to eliminate one form of anxiety, ego anxiety, and unconditionally accept oneself, and live a life free of anxiety.

Personality Challenges, Perfectionism, and Self-Compassion

Having compassion for oneself means that we can honor our humanness by accepting ourselves—even during those times when we inevitably come up against our limitations and fall short of our ideals.

The Sin of Being Perfect

Voltaire wrote perfect is the enemy of good. Perfect is also the enemy of the authentic.

One Reason Being a Perfectionist Isn’t All Bad

Do you consider yourself to be a perfectionist? New research identifies how various forms of perfectionism can have a bright side and a dark side.

4 Ways to Keep Your Perfectionism from Getting You Down

Always wanting your life, and everything in it, to be perfect can become a thankless enterprise. In addition to the fact that perfection is almost impossible to achieve, striving for the ideal can cause your stress levels to mount. These 4 tips will help you keep perfectionism under control.

Are You a Quitter? Time to Bulk Up Your Willpower

The antidote to being a quitter is recognizing where you get stuck and learning to override these emotions. Tips for developing perseverance.

Your Field Guide to the Perfectionist

There's a fine line between striving for excellence and demanding perfection.

Chasing Dreams or Avoiding Nightmares?

There are two kinds of achievers. Which kind should be? Which one will yield results faster?

Book Review: "Drop the Worry Ball"

When children experience fearful situations, they have the opportunity to cope with challenges, which increases their long term resilience.

Do You Ever Pretend You’re Somebody Else?

I decided I couldn’t live in a world without Robby. The only thing to do was to take his place. I’d have to become Robby. No, not “become Robby.” I’d be Robby.

Do you have Perfectionist Mental Model?

How is your Perfectionist mental model working for you?

The Most Overlooked Reason To Commit

By Jeremy E Sherman Ph.D. on June 26, 2015 Ambigamy
You can't tell what a compromise will cost until you commit to it and start figuring out how to make it cost less.

5 Problems that Are Unique to High Achievers

Becoming successful won't make you immune to many of life's problems. In fact, your accomplishments could bring about a whole new set of problems.