What Is Infidelity?

Infidelity is breaking a promise to remain faithful to a sexual partner. That promise can take many forms, from marriage vows sanctified by the state to privately uttered verbal agreements between lovers. As unthinkable as the notion of breaking such bonds may be, infidelity is common. And when it does happen, it raises thorny and painful questions. Should you stay? Can trust be rebuilt? Can you and should you forgive and move on?

Recent Posts on Infidelity

Why I Am No Longer a Sex-Addiction Therapist

Our evolving understanding of the complexities of human sexuality have revealed an increasing number of cracks in the foundational models of sex-addiction therapy.

Why Is Your Relationship a Secret?

Historically, the closest a young woman could get to having power was to have sex with a man who had it. If the powerful man desires a woman privately, could he really deny publicly that she's the love of his life?

Is Texting or Sexting Cheating?

Sexting, texting and porn are subjects we typically shy away from but not dealing with it may come back to bite you.

What Affairs Can Teach You

By Robert Taibbi L.C.S.W. on November 09, 2015 Fixing Families
Embedded in the pain of affairs are lessons: 4 things to learn

Does the Thought of Money Make Us Dishonest?

By Peter A. Ubel M.D. on November 05, 2015 Scientocracy
Our moral backbones are often quite pliable, bending to the social norms of things like our workplace.

Should You Worry About Your Lover's Ex-lovers?

By Fredric Neuman M.D. on November 02, 2015 Fighting Fear
People inclined to be jealous are especially inclined to be jealous of a lover's ex-lovers. Is this reasonable?

Wine, Ink, Women and Revenge

"He’d done something permanent to my idea of myself and I wanted to do the same thing to him” she explained.

Netflix and Chill

By Ryan Anderson on October 14, 2015 The Mating Game
Rather than facilitating it, social media is hijacking real human interaction.

The Sexpert Chronicles: Profile of an Infidelity Expert

Alex sits down with Dr. Tammy Nelson to discuss "the new monogamy", erotic integrity and treating infidelity in sex therapy.

When Love Hurts - The ABC's

By Barton Goldsmith Ph.D. on September 27, 2015 Emotional Fitness
If you and/or your partner are engaged in any of the ABCs of relational suicide, don’t go into denial. Take a good look at where you are and where you want to be. If you don’t like where you are, now is a good time to change it. If you don’t like where you’re going, there is time to make a course correction. It is never too late to have a good relationship.

Why Some of Us Commit Romantic Revenge

What happens when someone cheats? Is revenge the answer? For some people, yes.

Is Online Infidelity Really Infidelity?

By Martin Graff Ph.D. on September 16, 2015 Love, Digitally
Online liaisons are not necessarily considered to be unfaithful behaviour. Sexual infidelity online is no threat to a male’s certainty of paternity

7 Things You Need to Know If a Partner Betrayed You

Thanks to the recent Ashley Madison hack and data dump, countless unsuspecting spouses are learning they’ve been cheated upon by their significant other.

Love, Sex, and Surrender

By Frances Cohen Praver Ph.D. on September 13, 2015 Love Doc
Slim of body, meticulously groomed, Sari sat down carefully at the far end of the sofa. “Thank you for fitting me in at this late hour. It’s just that I work full time in Manhattan and have three children

Cheating on Ashley Madison

By Ryan Anderson on September 07, 2015 The Mating Game
Why do people cheat on their partners?

Life is Short… and so Could Be Your Marriage

By Stan Tatkin Psy.D. on September 01, 2015 The Puzzle of Love
There is no such thing as “safe” infidelity. Couples who want to stay together need to appreciate the importance of establishing safety and security within their relationship.

The Truth About Why We Try to Steal Each Other's Partners

By Ryan Anderson on August 30, 2015 The Mating Game
You can't always get what you want

I Was On Ashley Madison

By Sam Louie MA, LMHC on August 29, 2015 Minority Report
You are on the Ashley Madison list and the pit of your stomach is churning. You may experience shortness of breath, dizziness, or loss of concentration. Your double life is over and exposed (at least to those who have the list) now you're wonder if you should double-down and continue to lie or face significant consequences for sharing the truth. But where do you start?

Attraction & Infidelity: Can 'Eye Candy' Always Be Resisted?

When the Ashley Madison website, apparently promoting infidelity, was hacked revealing just how many people appear involved in relationship betrayal, the media appeared scandalised at the prevalence of infidelity - or at least the appetite for it. However psychologists have recently posed the opposite question - why is there in fact not more infidelity?

Cheating Ethically?

By Isadora Alman MFT on August 24, 2015 Sex & Sociability
I can think of no circumstance in which cheating of any klind can be ethical. Can you?

Josh Duggar, Porn Addict?

By David J Ley Ph.D. on August 20, 2015 Women Who Stray
Embattled Christian reality television star Josh Duggar has blamed porn addiction and a battle with Satan for the latest sex scandal, as he is revealed in the Ashley Madison data dump.

Infidelity: Looking Beyond the Ashley Madison Scandal

Although it’s difficult to know where to draw the line between addiction, ‘high sex drive’ and plain old dishonesty, there are some basic patterns that one can identify in an effort to make sense of a betrayal.

Ashley Madison May Be Too Honest For Our Times

By Laurie Essig Ph.D. on August 19, 2015 Love, Inc
37 Million Ashley Madison users have had their personal information released by hackers who don't like the idea of a website for married people who want to have an affair. But these hactiprudes are not heroes.

3 Common Excuses for Cheating (and Why They're Bogus)

After more than two decades as a psychotherapist specializing in human sexuality and intimacy, I’ve heard just about every excuse imaginable related to infidelity, especially from the men I have seen.

The Neuroscience of Trust

Neuroscientists have identified specific brain regions associated with trust.

Going Down is Coming Up: Oral Sex and its Confusions

By Noam Shpancer Ph.D. on August 11, 2015 Insight Therapy
Oral sex is popular, playful, and pleasurable, yet absent from most Sex Ed curricula.

Marriage vs. Long-Term Affair: What If You Love Them Both?

You’ve been caught in a long-term affair, and your spouse has given you an ultimatum: “It’s him/her or me, so make up your mind.” What now? Do you stay in the marriage? Do you run off with your affair partner? Or do you try to somehow keep both relationships intact?

How Couples Can Survive Cheating (and Why They Even Try)

I am a couple’s therapist. I believe in relationships and marriage. To believe that an injured partner should be shamed for staying and working things out seems to be in conflict with our cultural message that marriage and relationships matter and should be fought for.

Cheating Yourself? I Hear the Advice, I Do What I Want

Real behaviour change is not about willpower, or stages of change, but about satisfying wants and dealing with needs along the way.......it is about coherence at all levels of the person......

Stories of Seclusion: Embarassed into Isolation

By Marty Nemko Ph.D. on July 26, 2015 How To Do Life
The price of an affair can be great indeed.