What Is Infidelity?

Infidelity is breaking a promise to remain faithful to a sexual partner. That promise can take many forms, from marriage vows sanctified by the state to privately uttered verbal agreements between lovers. As unthinkable as the notion of breaking such bonds may be, infidelity is common. And when it does happen, it raises thorny and painful questions. Should you stay? Can trust be rebuilt? Can you and should you forgive and move on?

Recent Posts on Infidelity

Life is Short… and so Could Be Your Marriage

By Stan Tatkin Psy.D. on September 01, 2015 in The Puzzle of Love
There is no such thing as “safe” infidelity. Couples who want to stay together need to appreciate the importance of establishing safety and security within their relationship.

The Shocking Truth About Poaching

By Ryan Anderson on August 30, 2015 in The Mating Game
You can't always get what you want

I Was On Ashley Madison

By Sam Louie MA, LMHC on August 29, 2015 in Minority Report
You are on the Ashley Madison list and the pit of your stomach is churning. You may experience shortness of breath, dizziness, or loss of concentration. Your double life is over and exposed (at least to those who have the list) now you're wonder if you should double-down and continue to lie or face significant consequences for sharing the truth. But where do you start?

Attraction & Infidelity: Can 'Eye Candy' Always Be Resisted?

When the Ashley Madison website, apparently promoting infidelity, was hacked revealing just how many people appear involved in relationship betrayal, the media appeared scandalised at the prevalence of infidelity - or at least the appetite for it. However psychologists have recently posed the opposite question - why is there in fact not more infidelity?

Cheating Ethically?

By Isadora Alman MFT on August 24, 2015 in Sex & Sociability
I can think of no circumstance in which cheating of any klind can be ethical. Can you?

Josh Duggar, Porn Addict?

By David J Ley Ph.D. on August 20, 2015 in Women Who Stray
Embattled Christian reality television star Josh Duggar has blamed porn addiction and a battle with Satan for the latest sex scandal, as he is revealed in the Ashley Madison data dump.

Infidelity: Looking Beyond the Ashley Madison Scandal

Although it’s difficult to know where to draw the line between addiction, ‘high sex drive’ and plain old dishonesty, there are some basic patterns that one can identify in an effort to make sense of a betrayal.

Ashley Madison May Be Too Honest For Our Times

By Laurie Essig Ph.D. on August 19, 2015 in Love, Inc
37 Million Ashley Madison users have had their personal information released by hackers who don't like the idea of a website for married people who want to have an affair. But these hactiprudes are not heroes.

Your Lady Says You’re Cheating, You Say No Way! Who’s Right?

After more than two decades as a psychotherapist specializing in human sexuality and intimacy, I’ve heard just about every excuse imaginable related to infidelity, especially from the men I have seen.

The Neuroscience of Trust

By Christopher Bergland on August 12, 2015 in The Athlete's Way
Neuroscientists have identified specific brain regions associated with trust.

Going Down is Coming Up: Oral Sex and its Confusions

By Noam Shpancer Ph.D. on August 11, 2015 in Insight Therapy
Oral sex is popular, playful, and pleasurable, yet absent from most Sex Ed curricula.

Marriage vs. Long-Term Affair: What If You Love Them Both?

You’ve been caught in a long-term affair, and your spouse has given you an ultimatum: “It’s him/her or me, so make up your mind.” What now? Do you stay in the marriage? Do you run off with your affair partner? Or do you try to somehow keep both relationships intact?

How Couples Can Survive Cheating (and Why They Even Try)

I am a couple’s therapist. I believe in relationships and marriage. To believe that an injured partner should be shamed for staying and working things out seems to be in conflict with our cultural message that marriage and relationships matter and should be fought for.

Cheating Yourself? I Hear the Advice, I Do What I Want

Real behaviour change is not about willpower, or stages of change, but about satisfying wants and dealing with needs along the way.......it is about coherence at all levels of the person......

Stories of Seclusion: Embarassed into Isolation

By Marty Nemko Ph.D. on July 26, 2015 in How To Do Life
The price of an affair can be great indeed.

A Crash Course on Gender Differences - Session 10

By Eyal Winter on July 25, 2015 in Feeling Smart
On Sex, Procreation and Sperm Compitition: How do Human Beings Differ from Animals.

Why Millions of Cheating Spouses Could Soon Be Exposed

Most cheaters don’t expect to get caught. They tell lies, they keep secrets, and they cover their tracks. They control the flow of information received by their betrayed spouse, and then they run off and do what they want, when they want, with whomever they want - ignoring their marital vow of sexual fidelity and telling themselves they’re not hurting anyone.

How Society Could Accommodate Multi-Partner Marriages

Legalizing same-sex marriage has started people talking more seriously about the possibility of multiple-partner marriage. For some that means a slide down a slippery slop to absolute chaos, but it does not have to be that way. This blog looks at two alternative ways to structure multiple-partner marriage and explores some of the possible social impacts.

Sexually Open Marraige

By Frances Cohen Praver Ph.D. on July 19, 2015 in Love Doc
“I’m not feeling well. I can’t get going.” Sharon said softly. I remarked, “You seem sad.” Her voice picked up as she said “I am but I don’t understand it. My life is great. I’m married to this wonderful man, have an adorable six year old daughter, a lovely home, and a satisfying career.”

Top 10 Reasons Relationships Fail

Most of us want to meet and settle down with the “right” person, and most of us want such a relationship to last. At the same time, the majority of romantic partnerships end in dissolution. What are some of the major causes? Here are ten common reasons why relationships fail...

When Cheating Isn't Cheating

By Frances Cohen Praver Ph.D. on July 12, 2015 in Love Doc
Tossing her long blonde hair over her shoulder, Sarah smiled, “Stan wants me to marry him.” “Do you want to marry him?” I asked. Her dazzling smile turned to a frown. “I’m thinking about it. It’s a problem though.” I asked, “Why’s that?” “I’m married to Evan.” She said in a matter of fact tone.

The Causes of Infidelity: Players Gonna Play?

By Noam Shpancer Ph.D. on July 01, 2015 in Insight Therapy
At some point in their lives most Americans enter a monogamous intimate relationship. Over time, up to half will stray. Why?

Safeguarding Against Infidelity

By Stan Tatkin Psy.D. on June 30, 2015 in The Puzzle of Love
Research reporting that financially dependency increases a man’s chances of cheating on his wife may fail to take into account the mitigating factor of secure functioning.

Is Everyone on Match.com Looking for a Match?

By Marty Klein PhD on June 29, 2015 in Sexual Intelligence
Many people use dating sites to window shop. Their mates, however, may not be amused.

Couples 101: The Emotional Dance of Intimacy

Most couples start their relationships with starry dreams and positive expectations. But, sometimes relationship patterns develop that leave us feeling resentful and stuck. Understanding your own and your partner’s attachment style can help you negotiate this emotional dance with grace, and develop patterns that allow you to have the relationship you want and deserve.

How Psychologists Can Help Curb Cheating in Sports

By Guy Winch Ph.D. on June 18, 2015 in The Squeaky Wheel
It seems as if every week a new scandal involving cheating and antisocial behavior in sports is capturing the headlines—and psychologists are finally stepping in to solve the problem.

The 8 Biggest Myths About Lying

Sometimes we make ourselves believe a lie because the truth is too painful.

What Are the Psychological Effects of Casual Sex?

Much of my audience is appalled by the fact that infidelity is so prevalent and that it has been so thoroughly monetized, while others simply shrug their shoulders and say things like, “People have been cheating since the beginning of time, so what’s the big deal?”

Ethical Issues in Dating

By Fredric Neuman M.D. on June 07, 2015 in Fighting Fear
A description of what expectations one may have in dating, and what obligations one takes on.

Have We Discovered a Prime Reason Why Some Men Cheat?

By Rebecca Coffey on June 01, 2015 in The Bejeezus Out of Me
Do men who feel "pink washed" by their wives' earning power try to reclaim their masculinity by catting around?