The Nature of Forgiveness

Mustering up genuine compassion for those who have wronged us, instead of allowing anger toward them to eat away at us, is the course of action recommended by most psychologists. An exception to the belief that burying the hatchet brings peace to the soul may be sexual abuse: Some victims of these crimes are empowered when given permission to not forgive.

Recent posts on Forgiveness

Don’t Blame Trump: Heal Thyself, America

It is always easier to understand, celebrate or attack single individuals than it is to comprehend and address the context that gives rise to them.

Know Thyself

Knowing ourselves is no easy task.

Tidying Up Craze: Toss Clutter, Forgive People

Tidying up seems to be a new craze. While it might be helpful to eliminate toxic people in your life, be certain to look inward and embrace forgiveness.
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The Energy of Anger

By Matt James Ph.D. on July 19, 2016 in Focus on Forgiveness
Is it just me or are there a lot of angry folks out there? It just seems to be getting worse and worse. How do handle the energy of anger?

4 Parts of a Real Apology

Apology is a relational process that leads to change.
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“I’m Sorry You Were Offended” Is Not Really an Apology!

Consider these 5 steps to get good at saying sorry when you aren’t even sure you did anything wrong.

Smartphones vs. "Smart Parenting" - Part Two

Do you soothe or comfort your child with a digital smartphone or tablet? Here's what you can do instead, and how you can limit your child's use on a digital device.

Taming Blame and Shame

By Michael F. Kay on July 06, 2016 in Financial Life Focus
What could be more destructive to your financial success and happiness than wallowing in blame and shame?

Mourning? - Yes. Forgiveness? - No.

I do not understand why the principle of forgiveness is held in such high esteem. The process by which we come to terms with the past is through mourning.

The Quest for Self-Forgiveness

Encumbered a lifetime with a sense of inexplicable guilt.

The Caregiver's Spouse

A fiction author gets the real-world details—fantasies, realities, and so much more—right.

LeBron James: Victorious in Cleveland at Last!

If there’s such a thing as a city's "psyche,” then Cleveland’s just got a boost even greater than their beloved/hated LeBron's returning to Cleveland from South Beach in 2014.

You Only Get More of What You Resist—Why?

Jung argued long ago that “what you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.” Today this paradoxical viewpoint is typically shortened to “What you resist persists." . . .

The Case for Justice Over Mercy

By Marty Nemko Ph.D. on June 15, 2016 in How To Do Life
Forgiveness is often a short-term feel-good, a long-term mistake.

Hard Truths and Half-Truths about Race on Campus, Part III

By Lee Jussim Ph.D. on June 13, 2016 in Rabble Rouser
Racial differences in achievement are large, "microaggressions" have been weaponized, humility and forgiveness without witch hunts, and a correction.

Are We All Becoming Pavlov’s Dogs?

Don't let your phone control you. A few simple tricks will help you keep technology from taking over your life.

Got Loyalty?

Demonstrating loyalty in all the possible ways we can think of is a direct and mighty way to strengthen the bond.

9 Questions You Have to Ask When Someone Lets You Down

By Andrea Bonior Ph.D. on June 06, 2016 in Friendship 2.0
When we've lost faith in someone, it can be difficult to move forward. Wondering how to salvage a relationship? Here are nine things to consider.

When Bad Things Happen to Good Mothers

By Amy Tuteur M.D. on June 05, 2016 in Push Back
Why do we have more compassion for a gorilla than for a mother hoping to give her child the happiness of a day at the zoo?

Anger, Forgiveness, and Healing

Healing from trauma is possible using tools like these to work through it.

Trauma, PTSD, and Memory Distortion

One of the cruelest aspects of PTSD is that traumatic memories intensify over time, contributing to its progressive nature. This phenomenon may have once had value for humans.

Forgiveness Goes Beyond Three Words

Forgiveness is not a feeling; forgiveness is an action.

Holding the Mast in the Dark Night Sea Storm

When we fight, it can feel like we are adrift in a violent, dark night sea storm.

How Does Forgiving Someone Affect Their Behavior?

By Art Markman Ph.D. on May 04, 2016 in Ulterior Motives
Forgiveness is a statement that the particular bad behavior will not affect the relationship going forward. How does this affect the behavior of the person forgiven?

How Do You Forgive Even When It Feels Impossible? (Part 2)

I'll explain what I mean when I use the word "forgive," why I recommend the healing power of forgiveness, and how to heal even when you don't feel you can forgive.

The Art of Friendship in Marriage

Friendship is not always sweet, warm, and secure. There has to be room for confrontation and the darker parts of life.

Why Should We Forgive?

Forgiveness is an act of love, strength and a gift from which no one benefits more than ourselves.

Sobering News on Suicide

By Elias Aboujaoude M.D. on April 24, 2016 in Compulsive Acts
The Internet has not lived up to its promise as a suicide prevention tool

The Most Important Part of an Apology (and the Least)

Science explains how to say 'I'm sorry' in a way that will repair relationship.

6 Science-Based Ways to Say “I’m Sorry” Effectively

New research has pinpointed the 6 key elements to an effective apology. Interestingly, 'requesting forgiveness' is the least effective way to say "I'm sorry."