Dealing with Divorce

The dissolution of a marriage is a legal act that may not always coincide with a couple's emotional tearing asunder. Divorce is typically a painful process for all concerned. While it can take adults time to regain psychological equilibrium, whether or not children ever recover a stable perspective continues to be debated. Post-divorce hostility between adults, in addition to directly harming kids, is a sure indicator that the emotional split is incomplete.

In the U.S., divorce rates have been rising since the beginning of the 20th century, and especially since the 1970s, when no-fault divorce was instituted. Some experts contend that the easing of divorce laws has helped make marriage stronger by rooting it more deeply in personal choice, although it does little to give people the skills needed to work out the inevitable difficulties that arise in marriage.

Recent Posts on Divorce

For the Sake of the Children

By Mel Schwartz L.C.S.W. on August 31, 2015 in A Shift of Mind
Many people in unhappy or conflicted marriages stay together for the purported sake of the children. This article examines this premise and explores what's really best for our children.

How to Move on From an Ex You Still Love

By Jennice Vilhauer Ph.D. on August 29, 2015 in Living Forward
Nothing can keep you from moving on to a better future than a lingering relationship wound. While time is ultimately the best of all healers there are some concrete steps you can take that will facilitate the healing process.

Creating a Plan of Action

By Angie Hallier on August 28, 2015 in Life After Divorce
Once you have created a heartfelt and meaningful vision for what you want you new life to look lie, the next step is to create a plan of action. The plan needs to include guidelines, a paradigm, your values and your goals for the next 12 months.

Women Initiate Divorce Much More Than Men, Here's Why

By Douglas LaBier Ph.D. on August 28, 2015 in The New Resilience
Women are much more likely than men to initiate divorce, according to survey of over 2000 heterosexual couples. The reasons point to unfulfilled desire for intimacy and emotional connection with their husbands during the course of marriage; while men report contentment with the way things are.

Dreams Can Help You Solve Problems

By Michelle Carr on August 26, 2015 in Dream Factory
Several authors have shown that current emotional problems are frequently incorporated into dreams, and further, dreaming may provide creative solutions to these problems.

The Life-Changing Magic of Helping Kids Get Organized

By Wendy Paris on August 25, 2015 in Splitopia
Co-parenting in two homes can increase chaos. Help your kids develop organizational skills that will help them now and in the future.

Are You Trapped in a Divorce Storm?

Find the best professionals you can who will guide you through the process and help you navigate the stormy weather ahead.

5 Surprising Reasons Relationships Fail

Much has been written about reasons why relationships fail. Incompatibility, different priorities, and poor communication are just a few of the causes of relational dissolution. At the same time, there are some couple characteristics which, although seemingly positive at first, can ruin a relationship down the line. Here are five surprising reasons relationships fail...

Great Relationships Require Hard Work, But Not Forever

Relationships, we think, should not have to be this hard. Well, that’s true. They shouldn’t be relentlessly difficult, at least not on a permanent basis, otherwise who, other than a masochist would consciously choose to live in a state of perpetual struggle.

Want Your Relationship to Work? Give Up Yelling

By Barton Goldsmith Ph.D. on August 21, 2015 in Emotional Fitness
By giving up yelling, you are giving a gift to those around you, and you are giving a gift to yourself, because yelling actually sends uncomfortable feelings throughout your brain and body. Now you can relax and enjoy your days, knowing that you have removed this destructive habit.

Infidelity: Looking Beyond the Ashley Madison Scandal

Although it’s difficult to know where to draw the line between addiction, ‘high sex drive’ and plain old dishonesty, there are some basic patterns that one can identify in an effort to make sense of a betrayal.

Should You Divorce Your Mother?

By Peg Streep on August 20, 2015 in Tech Support
Some personal choices make us profoundly uncomfortable, and chief among them is the decision to end contact with a parent. Should we be tolerant and understanding instead? Taking an informed look....

Love Is a Feeling, Love Is a Plan

By Jeremy E Sherman Ph.D. on August 19, 2015 in Ambigamy
Don't tell me you love me if you don't feel it, but tell me you love me when you don't feel it, yet still want to stay together.

Why the Experts Are Wrong About the Genetics of Happiness

By Todd B Kashdan Ph.D. on August 19, 2015 in Curious?
Every month, there is a major news article about the gene for god, divorce, or riding a motorcycle without a helmet. There are popular books touting a so-called fact that only 40% of happiness is due to genetics. But what does this mean? What is wrong about these statements? Read on for the answers in 500 words.

Is He The One?

Is he the right person for you? Is she?

Consider These Terms of Engagement Before Your Next Argument

Remember that it’s not the differences themselves that damage the fabric of trust and respect in relationships, but the unskillful ways in which we react to them that do the most harm.

The Impact of Divorce: All Children Only Get One Childhood

Navigating a divorce is perhaps one of the most difficult challenges for parents and for kids. Sadly many children are caught in the middle of overt or covert battles and silently suffer in the process. However, divorce may be managed in a civilized and sensitive manner, and may turn out better for all concerned. We offer some guidelines to help prevent untoward hardship.

Divorce, “Crying Off,” and the Perils of Eugenic Perfection

By Elliot Hosman J.D. on August 13, 2015 in Genetic Crossroads
Eugenic divorces, break-ups, and courtroom drama in the 1910s vividly illustrate the downsides of “perfection.”

Who Gets the Dog?

By Ruth Lee Johnson J.D. on August 12, 2015 in So Sue Me
When can your vengeful ex successfully take your precious pet away from you? It is more complicated than you think. Learn how to protect yourself and your furry best friend.

How Extreme Weather Gave Me Empathy For Divorcing Folks

Learning how to weather your divorce will help you do much better.

Logging on for Love

By Wendy Paris on August 11, 2015 in Splitopia
The Internet has fundamentally altered how we date but some things never change, such as the need to assess chemistry in person.

Co-Parent Problems

By Jeremy Clyman Psy.D on August 10, 2015 in Co-Parent Problems
When two parents divorce, they become co-parents. Co-parents have big problems. This blog examines the topics and distress associated with those problems and discusses why so much of it is understandable if not unavoidable.

A Positive Template for Ending Marital Fights

By Jeffery S Smith M.D. on August 09, 2015 in Healing and Growing
When marital fighting is hard to stop, then a having a positive template can make it easier to stop the arguing.

Schismo….what?

Trusting the possibility of reconciling even the most difficult of relationship impasses and knowing what that process entails, gives us the hopefulness and motivation to develop and practice new skills.

Before Blending Families, Consider All of This

By Wendy Paris on August 04, 2015 in Splitopia
Expecting your blended family to be one big Brady Bunch-like good time can lead to some serious disappointment. Psychologist Anne Brennan Malec recommends managing your expectations and taking steps to help all family members adjust.

When Parents Date Someone New, What's Best for the Kids?

By Michael Ungar Ph.D. on August 01, 2015 in Nurturing Resilience
Though parents are moving in and out of romantic relationships more often, there are things they can do to make these transitions easier for their children.

3 Reasons to Take a Break After a Breakup

By Wendy Paris on July 28, 2015 in Splitopia
We may think that divorce opens the door to a rousing round of nonstop dating, but many people find they need a break between marriage and getting back out there. Taking a break can bring real benefits.

Spiritual Power to Redirect the Impact of Divorce

Children often experience divorce as the death of the family. Parents may draw upon spiritual insight to redefine the family, demonstrating how authentic faith models healthy relating, among other critical qualities to support the child's development of healthy relationships.

Marriage Preparation

The good news is that you don’t have to have had a great track record in the relationship department or in your personal family experience in order to develop the skills and character traits that enhance the likelihood of success in relationships.