All About Assertiveness

Demonstrating assertiveness means there's no question where you stand, no matter the topic. Cognitively, to be assertive implies a lack of anxious thoughts in light of stress. Behaviorally, assertiveness is all about asking for what you want in a manner that respects others. Assertive people don't shy away from defending their points of view or goals, or from trying to influence others. In terms of affect, assertiveness means reacting to positive and negative emotions without aggression or resorting to passivity.

Recent Posts on Assertiveness

What Kind of Angry Are You? (Part 2)

In order to get the important message that anger is trying to deliver, you need to steer clear of your old, unhealthy avoidance habits and let your inner communication come through.

10 Things You Can Do as a Bystander

Many schools, corporations and organizations offer ‘leadership training’ courses and seminars, yet they fail to teach the skills and strategies required for ‘bystander intervention.’ Here are a few concrete things that bystanders can do:

A Surprising Ingredient for Lasting Relationships

You'll be surprised by this key ingredient to make your marriage work.

An Open Letter to Conversation Stealers

Are you a talker or a listener?

Surprise

By The Book Brigade on March 26, 2015 in The Author Speaks
Surprise is good for the brain, great for relationships, and adds a certain frisson all around. Without it, life is lackluster. So why don't more people embrace the unexpected? They run from it or try to subdue it when they should instead roll with it.

Emotional Intelligence: Do Women Have an Edge?

Remember emotional intelligence can be learned; while it may be a part of women's "conditioning," many men have or can learn these behaviors.

To Everything There Is a Season: A Time to Smash the Ice

By Julie J. Exline Ph.D. on March 24, 2015 in Light and Shadow
Is there a time for rage? After a brutal winter and an attempt to come to peace with the ice that wouldn't leave our streets and sidewalks, here's what happened when I finally had a chance to do something about it.

What's Really, Really Important

By Jeremy E Sherman Ph.D. on March 23, 2015 in Ambigamy
Want a formula for figuring out what's truly important? We all do. Here's what we do since there isn't one.

Do As I Say: Be Oppositional!

Oppositional behavior by children would seem to run counter to arguments in my previous posts that family members often do what they think their families want them to, even at great personal sacrifice. But oppositionality can be more apparent than real. People often act that way to accomodate what they perceive their parents to want and need from them.

“I Need a Do-over!” 5 Ways to Fix Relationship Missteps

By Meg Selig on March 19, 2015 in Changepower
So you were a doormat or a bully and you regret it. There's a do-over for that! Try these 5 assertive scripts that will mend your relationship and restore your confidence.

Are There Downsides to Having a Woman President?

With Hillary Clinton's all-but-certain to run for president, one of the world's leading experts on gender and leadership examines whether her gender will make a difference.

The Mach 1 Experience: 6 Keys to Successful Risk-Taking

By Gregg Levoy on March 18, 2015 in Passion!
There’s no risk without fear, but living a passionate life means pushing yourself through your resistance. These 6 insights about successful risk-taking can help you jump-start your engines.

Do Dog People and Cat People Differ in Terms of Dominance?

New data suggest that dog people and cat people are selecting their preferred pet because it complements their own personality.

4 Ways To Be A More Authentic Person

People are attracted to authenticity. Here are four techniques that help you be your most authentic self, even in uncomfortable situations.

2 Dating Mistakes You Don't Want to Make

By Robert Taibbi L.C.S.W. on March 11, 2015 in Fixing Families
It's natural to try and present your best self when dating and avoid confrontations. Makes sense but not a good idea. Here are some tips on making dating do what its supposed to do.

What Does it Mean to Think in a Second Language?

Does learning a second language make you think differently? Or do you have to think differently in order to speak a second language?

3 Major Warning Signs of Relationship Trouble

Most of us want to meet and settle down with the “right” person, and most of us want such a relationship to last. Yet, 53% of marriages in the U.S., 48% in Canada, 47% in the U.K., and 43% in Australia end in divorce. What are some of the major warning signs of a relationship in trouble? Here are three key indicators based on research...

What Girls Can Say and Do to Stand Up to Bullying

When the simplicity of forming a friendship just by climbing the same jungle gym is replaced by the intricacy of scaling middle-school social ladders, how can you teach your daughter the skills she needs to stay strong in the face of friendship drama and bullying?

4 Secrets to Negotiate with Difficult People

By Aldo Civico Ph.D. on March 04, 2015 in Turning Point
Are you dealing with a grumpy teenager, or an impossible boss? Here are 4 secrets suggested by successful mediators to deal with difficult people and situations.

Balancing Inhibition and Exhibition

By Gregg Levoy on March 03, 2015 in Passion!
The desire to keep your spark, your life-force, intact, will always have to contend with agents of decay and distraction. All the forces of resistance and inhibition, from within and without, that can rob you of your vitality if you let them. Here's how to referee that boxing match.

Do You Want People to Understand You? Stop Doing This.

Saying what you mean is more than a matter of finding the right words. It’s the intonation, or tone of voice, that adds punch to our language. If you’re a victim of “uptalk,” without knowing it, you may be leaving people with a wrong, and confusing, impression.

The Sexual Boundary Issue That's Seldom Discussed

By Michael Castleman M.A. on March 02, 2015 in All About Sex
Many couples struggle over men's wish to ejaculate into women's mouths and have them swallow.

Empathy for a Child Abuser?

Empathy for a child abuser? For a child molester? How can anyone be empathic with someone who has done something so terrible? Why would they want to? Do the perpetrators possibly deserve such a thing? For a judge or prosecutor, of course not. For stopping repetitive dysfunctional family interactions that trigger someone's self-destructive behavior? Necessary.

Adolescent Self-Management for a Successful Independence

A major goal of parenting high school age adolescents is helping them develop basic skills of self-management that will support more independence soon to come.

Blaming the Victim

By William R. Klemm Ph.D. on February 28, 2015 in Memory Medic
"What did we do to make them hate us so much?"

Is Good Psychotherapy Worth the Investment?

By Judith Coche Ph.D., ABPP on February 26, 2015 in No Ordinary Life
Nick, age 55, gets unstuck when he and wife Barbara join together to invest in their own depth therapy to deal with how to feel passion, be more cognitively flexible, and create a happier marriage. They are glad they did.

How to Survive a Slasher Film

By Romeo Vitelli Ph.D. on February 23, 2015 in Media Spotlight
Do you think you're trapped in a slasher film? A new research study published in the journal Psychology of Popular Media Culture provides an in-depth look at Final Girls over three decades of slasher films and what it was that enabled them to survive to the end of the movie. The study results may surprise you.

Mastering the Art of Relationship Yoga

You probably didn’t log on to this website to read about yoga, but trust me, there’s a connection between the subject at hand, and the theme of this blog, and that, in fact, is the point of this post, and the point of Yoga: Connection.

Your Health Care, America's Health Care, Today and Tomorrow

By Marty Nemko Ph.D. on February 20, 2015 in How To Do Life
The Affordable Care Act/ObamaCare is already causing shortages. How can you cope? What should society do?

How to Break the Bonds of Victimhood and Build Self-Esteem

By Clifford N Lazarus Ph.D. on February 18, 2015 in Think Well
Here are two simple ways to feel more in control of your life and better about yourself.