All About Assertiveness

Demonstrating assertiveness means there's no question where you stand, no matter the topic. Cognitively, to be assertive implies a lack of anxious thoughts in light of stress. Behaviorally, assertiveness is all about asking for what you want in a manner that respects others. Assertive people don't shy away from defending their points of view or goals, or from trying to influence others. In terms of affect, assertiveness means reacting to positive and negative emotions without aggression or resorting to passivity.

Recent Posts on Assertiveness

Why Smart People Do Dumb Things

By David Maxfield on August 26, 2015 in Crucial Conversations
The quiet, polite expression of doubt can turn the rest of the group from zombies into thinkers.

Your Three Languages and How to Speak Them Well

By Jeremy E Sherman Ph.D. on August 24, 2015 in Ambigamy
There's a lot of confusion about when it's best to be positive, negative and neutral. Here we sort it out.

How to Turn the Voice of No into the Voice of Yes

By Gregg Levoy on August 24, 2015 in Passion!
There are just as many reasons to say “No” to passions and personal growth as there are to say “Yes.” Here's how to turn that around.

5 Ways the Fear of Rejection Holds You Back

Whether you opted out of asking someone on a date, or you chose not to apply for a promotion, the fear of rejection can be debilitating.

A Fool Proof Formula for Saying No

By Barbara Markway Ph.D. on August 08, 2015 in Shyness Is Nice
How often have you agreed to do something only to regret it later?

4 Ways to Set Boundaries

By Shawn M. Burn Ph.D. on August 04, 2015 in Presence of Mind
Most of us must set boundaries around our helping and giving at some point in our lives. But internal conflict is common when we place limits on what we’ll do for or give to others, even when we know it’s the right thing to do. Managing this boundary-setting ambivalence is key to setting and maintaining healthy boundaries.

Get Real About Teamwork

When a team mate is uncooperative, you may be tempted to ignore it to maintain the harmony. But if you do this all the time, fake cooperation gets confused with real cooperation. You shouldn't have to choose between team work and reality. Here's a way to have both.

3 Reasons Your Friends Annoy You (and What to Do About It)

By Clifford N Lazarus Ph.D. on July 12, 2015 in Think Well
When a person we care about consistently annoys us, or acts in a bothersome way, there is usually an explanation for his or her objectionable behavior that falls into one (or more) of three categories. Here are the three main reasons why other people get under our skin and the solutions for them.

Should Couples Share Their Sexual Fantasies?

By Michael Castleman M.A. on July 02, 2015 in All About Sex
Sexual fantasies excite the imagination—and sometimes are better left there.

4 Tips for Dealing with Unsolicited Health Advice

Despite our attempts to be honest with family and friends about not wanting advice, some may continue to give it. This calls for self-protection in the form of self-compassion. We can gently remind ourselves what a burden it is to add to our ongoing pain and illness the work of having to access how to skillfully deal with what others are telling us to do about our health.

The Secret to Slowing Your Anxious Mind

Why you must speed up your thinking to slow down your life.

Five Tips to Get More Clients When Networking

We all get a bit nervous when networking. Learn 5 must have tips to expand your client base when networking from media coach Gina Rubinstein.

Will the Arguing Ever End?

By Seth Slater M.F.A. on June 29, 2015 in The Dolphin Divide
Why things get worse before getting better. We all argue now and then. Chronic arguing, however, requires thoughtful and ongoing work. Happy endings are possible—but there may be a storm or two before the calm.

Talking With Mom or Dad About Driving

Most of us will have to talk with our parents about their driving at some point. Let's discuss how not to fall into some common traps.

7 Tips for Talking About Anything With Anyone

By Marcia Reynolds Psy.D. on June 05, 2015 in Wander Woman
Giving feedback can hurt instead of help a relationship. If you need something to treat you in a different way, follow these 7 steps to help you agree on a way forward that is more respectful and rewarding for you both.

Empowerment and Better Health Through Assertive Behavior

By Clifford N Lazarus Ph.D. on June 05, 2015 in Think Well
Are you passive or aggressive when being assertive is usually the best choice? Here's why assertiveness is an essential life skill that empowers people, boosts their self-confidence, enhances relationships, and might even reduce certain health risks.

Do People Think You're Pushy, or a Pushover?

Research shows we're really bad at identifying how other people perceive us.

Marshmallows. One or Two?

By Vance Z. Johnson M.D. on May 18, 2015 in What Hurts?
"What hurts?" and "What does it mean?" We all want to escape pain. Some of us make that our only goal while others have goals that are past the pain. Life is a few short years and a veil of tears. You can take the pain. Do you want to know if you can take the suffering? Joy can be predicted.

The Definitive Way To Respond to Others' Mistakes

By Emma M. Seppälä Ph.D. on May 13, 2015 in Feeling It
Mistakes happen. The question is: How should we respond? Research shows that compassion will help us come out ahead.

Should You Confront Your Family?

A child’s desperate need for nurture can drive them to repeat any behavior that appears to get it. Whatever relieved pain in your youth built neural pathways that tell you how to feel good today. You can end up with a self-destructive pattern that’s hard to make sense of. Talking about it breaks the spell, and builds a healthy skill to replace it.

10 Ways Mother's Day Provides Life Lessons to Children

By Kate Roberts Ph.D. on May 09, 2015 in Savvy Parenting
Mother's Day is much more than what advertisers make it. It's a chance to celebrate mom, while teaching children some very valuable skills and life lessons.

You May Be Playing the Victim, and Not Even Know It?

When you do everything your partner asks, you likely expect gratitude in return, but what it actually creates in them is a reservoir of guilt and anger.

Will You Be Openly Secular?

By David Niose on April 19, 2015 in Our Humanity, Naturally
Openly Secular Day aims to encourage nonbelievers to be open about their personal secularity.

The Best Diet Is the One You'll Stick With

This bottom line seems to emerge whenever diets are compared over longer periods: there are no magic bullets, and the best diet is the one you’ll stick with. What will you stick with, though? That question itself can be hard to answer.

When You Can't Tell If They're Serious

By Jeremy E Sherman Ph.D. on April 05, 2015 in Ambigamy
It's fun to just browse the options, but sooner or later you have to prioritize.

What Kind of Angry Are You? (Part 2)

In order to get the important message that anger is trying to deliver, you need to steer clear of your old, unhealthy avoidance habits and let your inner communication come through.

10 Things You Can Do as a Bystander

Many schools, corporations and organizations offer ‘leadership training’ courses and seminars, yet they fail to teach the skills and strategies required for ‘bystander intervention.’ Here are a few concrete things that bystanders can do:

Surprise

By The Book Brigade on March 26, 2015 in The Author Speaks
Surprise is good for the brain, great for relationships, and adds a certain frisson all around. Without it, life is lackluster. So why don't more people embrace the unexpected? They run from it or try to subdue it when they should instead roll with it.

Emotional Intelligence: Do Women Have an Edge?

Remember emotional intelligence can be learned; while it may be a part of women's "conditioning," many men have or can learn these behaviors.