All About Assertiveness

Demonstrating assertiveness means there's no question where you stand, no matter the topic. Cognitively, to be assertive implies a lack of anxious thoughts in light of stress. Behaviorally, assertiveness is all about asking for what you want in a manner that respects others. Assertive people don't shy away from defending their points of view or goals, or from trying to influence others. In terms of affect, assertiveness means reacting to positive and negative emotions without aggression or resorting to passivity.

Recent Posts on Assertiveness

The Door in Trump's Wall

By Fredric Neuman M.D. on October 02, 2015 Fighting Fear
Mr. Trump has suggested a literal wall separating Mexico from Texas. He went on to suggest a "beautiful door" in the wall. An examination of that suggestion.

The 5 Fighting Words You Need to Drop From Your Relationship

Do you fight dirty? These five words are hurting your relationship.

How to Break Up with Someone Compassionately and Effectively

While it is always difficult to end an intimate relationship, research indicates that some ways of breaking up are better than others. In fact, it is possible to learn how to break up with someone compassionately and effectively. This approach helps minimize the pain and confusion for both partners, while sometimes even preserving a friendship.

Whatever Happened to Assertiveness Training?

Getting mellow and relaxed in response to stress can be a good thing, but it can also lead to staying in a bad situation that might otherwise be fixed, particularly in dysfunctional families. Cognitive behavior therapists used to counsel their patients on how to speak up for themselves, but seem to have forgotten the "assertiveness" techniques they used to champion.

The 6 Mental Health Habits That Kill Your Confidence

Do you struggle with self-doubt and self-defeating habits? Do you want to feel more confident about yourself and what you have to offer? Do you focus on pleasing others, rather than following your dreams and living your best life? The best way to start feeling better about yourself is to notice the automatic mental and emotional habits that don’t serve you well.

Bad Teachers Can Damage You-- or Make You Stronger

From one very bad teacher, I learned that intelligence without emotional generosity means nothing, that narcissism unchecked is poisonous and that sometimes it is far more honorable to be refused membership to a group than to be part of it. That lesson left welts.

Can You Say No To Requests?

People-pleasing has its up-sides. Generosity tends to uplift the giver as well as the receiver. Yet for the times when you really do not want to do something that someone has requested of you, here's a gracious way to say a clear no.

Is it Narcissism—Or Just High, Healthy Self-esteem?

By Caroline Beaton on September 25, 2015 The Gen-Y Guide
How psychology tests are failing us: the data behind Millennial narcissism.

One Skill to Curb Unconscious Gender Bias

By Joseph Grenny on September 23, 2015 Crucial Conversations
What if your colleagues discriminated against you just for being assertive? Unfortunately for many women, gender bias is a reality in today’s workplace.

Yintimidation: Bullying The "Nice" Way

By Jeremy E Sherman Ph.D. on September 21, 2015 Ambigamy
We associate bullying with yang or macho behavior, but that's not the only way to bully

The Right to Bear Arms in the Operating Room

By Fredric Neuman M.D. on September 21, 2015 Fighting Fear
The right to bear arms is being asserted in more and more places--churches, schools, etc. There are problems, however, in bearing arms in the operating room. The reasons are given here

Pubic Shaving: Which Women? And Why?

By Michael Castleman M.A. on September 15, 2015 All About Sex
In pubic shaving the new normal?

Speaking Up for Yourself, Part 2

You can learn that speaking up does not have to mean conflict, and that gradually you can become more comfortable with establishing some boundaries. If the person you are with later treats you in a way that feels like payback for them being nice to you, then you have learned something about the relationship.

When You’ve Been Humiliated or Hurt by Someone You Trusted

By Carrie Barron M.D. on September 08, 2015 The Creativity Cure
Research suggest that the scars of childhood bullying have a significant impact later in life. This is one person's story of resilience and how "woe is me" turned to "woe is you."

Why Smart People Do Dumb Things

The quiet, polite expression of doubt can turn the rest of the group from zombies into thinkers.

Your Three Languages and How to Speak Them Well

By Jeremy E Sherman Ph.D. on August 24, 2015 Ambigamy
There's a lot of confusion about when it's best to be positive, negative and neutral. Here we sort it out.

How to Turn the Voice of No into the Voice of Yes

By Gregg Levoy on August 24, 2015 Passion!
There are just as many reasons to say “No” to passions and personal growth as there are to say “Yes.” Here's how to turn that around.

5 Ways the Fear of Rejection Holds You Back

Whether you opted out of asking someone on a date, or you chose not to apply for a promotion, the fear of rejection can be debilitating.

A Fool Proof Formula for Saying No

How often have you agreed to do something only to regret it later?

4 Ways to Set Boundaries

Most of us must set boundaries around our helping and giving at some point in our lives. But internal conflict is common when we place limits on what we’ll do for or give to others, even when we know it’s the right thing to do. Managing this boundary-setting ambivalence is key to setting and maintaining healthy boundaries.

Get Real About Teamwork

When a team mate is uncooperative, you may be tempted to ignore it to maintain the harmony. But if you do this all the time, fake cooperation gets confused with real cooperation. You shouldn't have to choose between team work and reality. Here's a way to have both.

3 Reasons Your Friends Annoy You (and What to Do About It)

When a person we care about consistently annoys us, or acts in a bothersome way, there is usually an explanation for his or her objectionable behavior that falls into one (or more) of three categories. Here are the three main reasons why other people get under our skin and the solutions for them.

Should Couples Share Their Sexual Fantasies?

Sexual fantasies excite the imagination—and sometimes are better left there.

4 Tips for Dealing with Unsolicited Health Advice

Despite our attempts to be honest with family and friends about not wanting advice, some may continue to give it. This calls for self-protection in the form of self-compassion. We can gently remind ourselves what a burden it is to add to our ongoing pain and illness the work of having to access how to skillfully deal with what others are telling us to do about our health.

The Secret to Slowing Your Anxious Mind

Why you must speed up your thinking to slow down your life.

Five Tips to Get More Clients When Networking

We all get a bit nervous when networking. Learn 5 must have tips to expand your client base when networking from media coach Gina Rubinstein.

Will the Arguing Ever End?

Why things get worse before getting better. We all argue now and then. Chronic arguing, however, requires thoughtful and ongoing work. Happy endings are possible—but there may be a storm or two before the calm.

Talking With Mom or Dad About Driving

Most of us will have to talk with our parents about their driving at some point. Let's discuss how not to fall into some common traps.

7 Tips for Talking About Anything With Anyone

Giving feedback can hurt instead of help a relationship. If you need something to treat you in a different way, follow these 7 steps to help you agree on a way forward that is more respectful and rewarding for you both.

Empowerment and Better Health Through Assertive Behavior

Are you passive or aggressive when being assertive is usually the best choice? Here's why assertiveness is an essential life skill that empowers people, boosts their self-confidence, enhances relationships, and might even reduce certain health risks.