I'm sorry, but no one has ever "made" his or her spouse have an affair. One person and one person only in the marriage made that horrific decision. I don't care if your spouse is an axe murderer. The decision to cause him /her so much pain is on you, Bud. I've worked in the system many, many years, and have observed that the lion's share of divorces are caused by infidelity, and the lion's share of those, the guilty party re-writes history after the fact, attributing bad character and hurtful motives to the cheated-on spouse, in a transparent effort to deflect responsibility and to delude himself or herself that he/she is a good person. Anyone who is capable of destroying the lives and psyches of the people he/she is supposed to love and care for the most, then lie and sneak about it is a horrible person. The cheated-on spouse now not only is severely psychologically injured, but also insulted and blamed. No sir, until we start getting real about what marital infidelity is, how damaging it is to a spouse, children, extended family, community, and society at large, and start fashioning some of our societal reactions to it to fit the crime and contain the damage, we are just inviting more of the same.