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Gender

Are Men Who Swear Attractive or Offensive?

Research reveals what people really think about men using profanity.

Key points

  • Women have traditionally reported using less profanity than men.
  • Women report being more offended by male swearing than female swearing.
  • When it comes to interpreting profanity, context counts.

You are out on a first date. Your prospective paramour selected the best table at a swanky new restaurant, and even pre-ordered your favorite wine. Conversation is easy and comfortable, as you seem to have much in common. And then he drops the F-bomb. Your impression of your dinner partner has changed. But how? Are you impressed, insulted, or immune due to the language you are used to hearing either personally or professionally?

For many women, profanity is a turnoff—especially on a first date when both parties are expected to be on their best behavior. Is that what they can expect when they introduce their new partner to their parents, or their children? For other women, depending on the words used as well as the context, profanity might be acceptable, or even attractive. What makes the difference?

Evolving Societal Views on Profanity

Gilad Feldman et al. explored the impact of profanity in a piece entitled “Frankly, We Do Give a Damn” (2017).[i] Although they focused on the relationship between profanity and dishonesty, two forms of “norm-violating behavior,” they made some interesting observations regarding profanity’s effect on the hearer.

Feldman et al. defined profanity as “obscene language including taboo and swear words” which are considered socially inappropriate or unacceptable. They note that profanity often includes “sexual references, blasphemy, objects eliciting disgust, ethnic-racial-gender slurs, vulgar terms, or offensive slang.” Regarding motives for use, they note that profanity is commonly used to express emotions such as surprise, frustration, or anger. They recognize that profanity may be used as an unfiltered spontaneous expression of emotion, or in a more controllable fashion, including when used as an insult.

How is profanity received? Feldman et al. note that profane words impact people more strongly than regular speech, and are mentally processed on a deeper level. Depending on the context, profanity can be interpreted as abusive, antisocial, or harmful. They note that it also breaches the “moral foundations of purity” as well as common speech norms—which can suggest the potential to engage in other antisocial behavior. On the other hand, Feldman et al. note that profanity may be perceived positively if it does not inflict harm, but instead functions cathartically to relieve pain or stress.

Evolving Terms of Endearment

Other research on profanity has focused on gender differences. In 1985, Gary Selnow examined this issue in the study “Sex differences in uses and perceptions of profanity.”[ii] He found that women reported less profanity usage than men, as well as more conservative assessments regarding the question of whether using profanity was appropriate in different settings. He explained that men were more likely to view profanity as a demonstration of social power, making the speaker socially acceptable.

How have we evolved since then? Melanie DeFrank and Patricia Kahlbaugh examined this issue in “Language Choice Matters: When Profanity Affects How People Are Judged” (2019).[iii] They found no interaction between the gender of the speaker and profanity on making impressions, which they attribute to changing gender roles as well as an evolution as to what is considered to be profanity. They explain that people have become desensitized to certain words, and in some situations, have even come to expect them.

However, DeFrank and Kahlbaugh found evidence of gender bias in what men and women thought of opposite-sex profanity. They report that men were more offended by women swearing, and women were more offended by male swearing.

Words of Wisdom

So even though profanity may be used emphatically rather than maliciously, and can express authenticity as well as animosity, a woman on a first date might not be enamored with a prospective partner who swears like a sailor. Word to the wise: When making a first impression, even when expressing emotion, it is safer to stick to exclamations without expletives, and to use language that is positive and powerful, rather than profane.

References

[i] Feldman, Gilad, Huiwen Lian, Michal Kosinski, and David Stillwell. 2017. “Frankly, We Do Give a Damn: The Relationship between Profanity and Honesty.” Social Psychological and Personality Science 8 (7): 816–26. doi:10.1177/1948550616681055.

[ii] Selnow, Gary W. Sex differences in uses and perceptions of profanity. Sex Roles 12, 303–312 (1985). https://doi.org/10.1007/BF00287597.

[iii] DeFrank, Melanie, and Kahlbaugh, Patricia. 2019. “Language Choice Matters: When Profanity Affects How People Are Judged.” Journal of Language and Social Psychology 38 (1): 126–41. https://doi.org/10.1177/0261927X18758143.

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