Resilience

A 9/11 Insider’s Reflections Twenty Years Later

Seven ways to move past tragedy.

Posted September 11, 2021 | Reviewed by Vanessa Lancaster

Key points

The 20th anniversary of 9/11 will rekindle strong emotions of heroism, humanity, and gut-wrenching tragedy.
Lessons on how to overcome tragedy include learning acceptance managing perspective.
Beginning to heal starts one day at a time and gradually becomes weeks, months, and years.

At 8:46 am on Tuesday, September 11, 2001, I was home as the first plane struck the World Trade Building.

At 8:46 am on September 11, 2021, I will be on a soccer pitch watching my grandson play the first game of the season. So much has changed, and so much has been learned about tragedy and human resilience in those 20 years. I debated whether I should write a post for the 20th anniversary of the attacks of September 11, 2001. Frankly, I had chosen to let this anniversary pass without comment.

But then I received a text from an old friend. I realized there would be many commentaries and analyses attempting to provide insight into the psychological impact of the disaster and its enduring legacy. Still, sadly many such analyses would be from people who were never there. With that in mind, I put pen to paper (fingers to keyboard) to offer one such perspective.

In April of 2001, I was standing in the Sahara Desert preparing to leave Kuwait at the end of a 10-year tenure serving The Office of His Highness, the Amir of Kuwait. The invasion and occupation of Kuwait with the subsequent Gulf War of Kuwaiti liberation had prompted my efforts to build resilience and treatment programs that spanned that 10-year period.

I left Kuwait thinking my experiences and the lessons learned would be the most important of my career. I was wrong. The attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon occurred on Tuesday. I was in New York City on Friday. I was in the Mayor’s Office on Sunday. From there, I went to work for the next three years serving the New York Police Department, The Port Authority Police of New York and New Jersey, the American Red Cross, and finally the New Jersey State Police.

What did I learn? The lessons are far more simple, far less eloquent than you might expect, but powerful nonetheless. The survivors of 9/11 and their families shared their wisdom with me through actions far more than words. Here are reflections on the 20th anniversary of 9/11 about tragedy and human resilience in the form of seven simple maxims.

Seven Ways to Move Past Tragedy

Tragedy is a tie that binds. Cherie, Pete, Rachel, and Mike were people I met and worked with at Ground Zero. Our friendships cannot be described in words, yet they are stronger than most. They are connections that can only be experienced. They are a source of enduring strength. When tragedy strikes, search for connections with others. Begin by accepting that tragedy occurs, and there may be no reason whatsoever.
Too many people waste precious time and energy asking, “Why?”The answer to the question “Why?” will eventually become clear to you, or it will not.
Never view yourself as a victim. You are a survivor.
Mourne and honor those you’ve lost. You can carry their memories in your heart as well as your mind. You carry them with you whenever and wherever you go.
Understand that any amount of time and energy you commit to thinking about the tragedy itself or those who may have caused it is actually surrendering that time and energy to the very thing you must move past. Never surrender.
Do not seek long-term recovery. Rather seek to have a “good day.” One day at a time. With time days become weeks, weeks become months, and months become years.
Remember,” Life is a journey, not a destination.” It is a series of experiences with milestones. Some milestones are more significant than others. To that end, remember the adage, “Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life. It is an opportunity.” Do not allow tragedy to rob you of that opportunity.