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Personality
Why “Behavioral” Is a Bad Description for Difficult People
Reducing people to behavior ignores their complexity and what's needed to change
Posted February 5, 2025 Reviewed by Davia Sills
Key points
- Behavioral and mental health aren't neatly separated entities; they're part of the same equation.
- Saying someone is "behavioral" is often pejorative and stigmatizing, suggesting they want to be problematic.
- Maladaptive baseline behavior is the nexus of biology, psychology, and social factors and can't easily stop.
If you haven’t heard someone say, “They’re just behavioral,” it’s probably your first day.
The intention of this description is to suggest that the concerning action(s) are voluntary or calculated and not of some mental illness that’s more out of the person’s control. Often muttered in a haughty or pejorative fashion, the comment fails to consider there are complicated mechanisms driving the behaviors, and people can’t simply stop them, similar to how someone can’t just stop being depressed, which, by the way, has behaviors.
Symptoms, or behaviors, could be thought of as the observable manifestation of a person’s internal conflict. Someone with a penchant for, say, disruptive or explosive behavior is analogous to tectonic plate shifting. Internal geologic unrest culminates in the expression of earthquakes and volcanos, signifying deep unrest below. The earthquakes and volcanoes are “symptoms” of Earth’s inner conflicts.
Behaviors are part of an equation
The website Healthline differentiates between mental and behavioral health: “Mental health is about how your psychological state affects your well-being, while behavioral health is about how actions affect your well-being.” This definition fails to consider that thoughts (conscious or not) drive feelings, which drive actions. Behaviors tend not to exist in a vacuum that can be neatly turned on and off.
Thus, behaviors are observable sequelae of thought processes, conscious or not, intersecting with genetic or inherited traits like proneness to anxiety, impulsivity, aggression, attention span, etc. A phobia, for instance, is someone’s belief that, say, heights are dangerous based on some experience or being taught that. Chances are, they also have some proneness for trait anxiety. Coming to a bridge, “Danger!” (thought) flashes in their head, and their anxiety elevates (physiological response or feeling), halting their progression (behavior).
Now, consider that maladaptive interpersonal and problem-solving abilities (“behavioral”) are part of one’s personality or how they relate to themselves, others, and the world. One’s personality development is at the mercy of early life experiences intersecting with genetic vulnerabilities and, most theorists agree, crystalized between ages 6 and 13.
What is termed “behavioral” in adults, if it is a long-standing, baseline manner of being, is often code for personality disturbance, particularly borderline, narcissistic, histrionic, and sociopathic types. In juveniles, it is often the maturing of personality disturbance. Interested readers are directed to Disorders of Personality (Millon, 2011) for juvenile portrayals of the various personality disturbances.
The complex ingredients of “just behavioral”
To illustrate the complex machinations of “behavioral,” let’s look at borderline personality disorder (BPD). Here, there’s often some form of early abandonment, like a parent leaving a child or being grossly neglectful or unavailable. The child can experience this as happening because they’re unacceptable, which plants seeds for rejection sensitivity.
With age, boundary-pushing ensues, for if somebody lets you get away with something, it shows you’re special and thus acceptable. Should the boundary be held, aggressive reactions aren’t uncommon, for they conceptualize this as “You don’t accept me” and a sign they’re valueless. It’s also interpreted as a sign they’re surely about to be tossed aside. Thus, the aggression also serves to push the other person away.
While it may seem counterintuitive for someone whose life revolves around fear of abandonment, it makes sense because, to them, it’s a preemptive defense; “I pushed you away.” Once they become the rejector, they can’t be rejected.
Self-destructive activity, like cutting, may follow. Although conceptualized by many as a manipulative activity, it is, however, self-soothing behavior; physical trumps psychological pain. Some may injure themselves as self-flagellation for being unacceptable. Later, it can be capitalized upon—e.g., “Look what you made me do!”—garnering concern that draws the pushed-away person back—“Come back and rescue me! Show me you care”—completing the famous “push-pull” cycle of BPD.
Further, those with BPD have an interesting neuropsychiatric make-up. According to psychologist Joseph Shannon, a personality disorder expert, they have a hypersensitive amygdala, which governs fear, anxiety, and aggression. In addition, they are inordinately low in serotonin, a neurochemical essential for mood and anxiety regulation.
Lastly, the prefrontal cortex, which can influence impulse control and decision-making, is not fully operational. Thus, says Dr. Shannon, from a physiological standpoint, when someone with BPD encounters vulnerable situations, it’s akin to driving a car with the pedal to the floor (hypersensitive amygdala), bad brakes (prefrontal cortex), and no brake fluid (serotonin).
Therapeutic implications
If you hear that someone is “behavioral,” or it happens to be your current lens, consider there may be more occurring behind the scenes that isn’t as easily correctible as it might seem. Consider, too, that the person may no more want to be acting that way than others want to put up with it.
While it would be foolish not to set boundaries and hold people responsible for their actions, that alone will change little. Personality has too many moving parts for shock collar treatment; it isn’t like keeping a dog within the limits of a yard. The underlying conflicts driving the defensive or maladaptive behavior must be addressed, and that can only happen within an understanding therapeutic setting.
Believe it or not, as complicated as challenging behavior may be, returning to basics might be the best approach for altering it. People in such states are used to others finger wagging and saying, “Why do you do that?” and “I don’t understand you!” The person likely doesn’t understand why they act the way they do, and now they’re being asked to explain. While valid in their own right, those reactive quips ultimately do little more than reify the need for defensiveness and maintain the cycle, as noted in my post, “2 Things Not to Say to Someone With BPD.”
Establishing a genuine relationship with the person, showing them you want to understand and aren’t going to just ask, “Why do you do that?” like most others, is a good starting point. Being genuinely curious and exploring their experience and not just focusing on behavioral symptoms as if a “to-do list” can help the therapist understand and help the patient better know themselves and thus better navigate changes in their course for a more desirable destination.
Disclaimer: The material provided in this post is for informational purposes only and not intended to diagnose, treat, or prevent any illness in readers or people they know. The information should not replace personalized care or intervention from an individual’s provider or formal supervision if you’re a practitioner or student.
References
Gillette, H. (2023, 28 March). What’s the difference between mental health and behavioral health? Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health-vs-behavioral-health
Shannon, J. (2019, October 25). Character flaws: How to understand and navigate relationships with high conflict clients. Brattleboro Retreat, Brattleboro, Vermont.
