Toxic Relationships

Narcissism

The One Secret Narcissists Won't Reveal

Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT on December 12, 2021

Narcissists' entire personality is a contrived facade to hide who they are and their worst, secret fear about themselves. It explains all of their behavior.

Narcissists' entire personality is a contrived facade to hide who they are and their worst, secret fear about themselves. It explains all of their behavior.

Relationships

Are You Unappreciated? Love Shouldn't Hurt So Much

Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT on November 21, 2021

Over-functioning and self-sacrifice can ruin a relationship. Understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy giving, and take a quiz about your behavior.

Over-functioning and self-sacrifice can ruin a relationship. Understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy giving, and take a quiz about your behavior.

Attachment

Your Attachment Style Can Help or Harm Your Relationships

Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT on October 17, 2021

Attachment theory claims that our earliest parenting can determine our style of attachment and how we relate to other people.

Attachment theory claims that our earliest parenting can determine our style of attachment and how we relate to other people.

Relationships

Understanding a Jekyl and Hyde Personality

Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT on October 5, 2021

Splitting can cause you to shift from loving to judging or hating someone. It can make you unable to recall a partner’s good or abusive nature and can lead to pain and problems.

Splitting can cause you to shift from loving to judging or hating someone. It can make you unable to recall a partner’s good or abusive nature and can lead to pain and problems.

Relationships

How Parenting Can Foreshadow Abusive Relationships

Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT on September 14, 2021

A dysfunctional family can rob you of self-esteem and healthy communication and boundaries, which can then lead to problems in future relationships.

A dysfunctional family can rob you of self-esteem and healthy communication and boundaries, which can then lead to problems in future relationships.

Trust

How to Rebuild Trust in 7 Steps

Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT on September 2, 2021

Trust is the cornerstone of an intimate relationship. Once broken, it may be hard to rebuild. Ask for and follow these 7 steps to make your relationship stronger than ever.

Trust is the cornerstone of an intimate relationship. Once broken, it may be hard to rebuild. Ask for and follow these 7 steps to make your relationship stronger than ever.

Narcissism

The Concept of Narcissistic Supply

Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT on August 7, 2021

Narcissists crave their narcissistic supply to fill insatiable needs for recognition and admiration. Like addicts, for them, it's survival. Don't sacrifice yourself to feed them.

Narcissists crave their narcissistic supply to fill insatiable needs for recognition and admiration. Like addicts, for them, it's survival. Don't sacrifice yourself to feed them.

Jealousy

Dealing with Triangulation, Envy, and Jealousy

Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT on July 29, 2021

Envy, jealousy, and shame are primal emotions that are inextricably intertwined. They're evidence of individual and relationship problems of intimacy and autonomy that cause pain.

Envy, jealousy, and shame are primal emotions that are inextricably intertwined. They're evidence of individual and relationship problems of intimacy and autonomy that cause pain.

Embarrassment

What to Do When You Get Triggered

Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT on July 6, 2021

Our triggers or "buttons" are our wounds revealed when we overract to peoples’ feelings, needs, problems, and statements. By taking back our projections we can live in the present.

Our triggers or "buttons" are our wounds revealed when we overract to peoples’ feelings, needs, problems, and statements. By taking back our projections we can live in the present.

Learned Helplessness

How Trauma Can Rob Us of Our Power and Makes Us Feel Helpless

Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT on June 1, 2021

Trauma can create learned helplessness, but we can heal and regain our power.

Trauma can create learned helplessness, but we can heal and regain our power.

Self-Esteem

Your Self-Esteem Might Be Ruining Your Relationship

Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT on May 8, 2021

Your self-esteem helps predict whether your relationship will survive. If you can raise it, you can have healthier, more rewarding relationships.

Your self-esteem helps predict whether your relationship will survive. If you can raise it, you can have healthier, more rewarding relationships.

Relationships

9 Precursors for Toxic Relationships

Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT on April 17, 2021

Did your childhood family have any of these 9 patterns? Changing them can improve your love life and the quality of all your relationships.

Did your childhood family have any of these 9 patterns? Changing them can improve your love life and the quality of all your relationships.

Attachment

How to Change Your Attachment Style and Your Relationships

Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT on April 1, 2021

Do you and your partner have a secure, anxious, or avoidant attachment style? Change your style to have healthier, secure relationships.

Do you and your partner have a secure, anxious, or avoidant attachment style? Change your style to have healthier, secure relationships.

Narcissism

Why Narcissists and Abusers Won't Let Go and What You Can Do

Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT on March 21, 2021

Beware of narcissists and abusers who "hoover" to lure you back into a relationship. They'll bait-and-switch to reassert their power over you. Read these six steps for your own protection.

Beware of narcissists and abusers who "hoover" to lure you back into a relationship. They'll bait-and-switch to reassert their power over you. Read these six steps for your own protection.

Narcissism

Know the Kind of Narcissist You're Dealing With and Symptoms

Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT on March 6, 2021

Two research teams found a core trait among all types of narcissism despite varying symptoms and severity.

Two research teams found a core trait among all types of narcissism despite varying symptoms and severity.

Self-Esteem

Tactics Narcissists Use to Gain Power

Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT on February 3, 2021

Narcissists constantly assess who's on top to manage their self-esteem, image, power, and social rank. Learn their tactics to not be hurt, manipulated, or deceived.

Narcissists constantly assess who's on top to manage their self-esteem, image, power, and social rank. Learn their tactics to not be hurt, manipulated, or deceived.

Relationships

Should You Leave or Should You Stay?

Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT on January 2, 2021

Do you doubt whether you still love your partner or wonder whether "Is it me?" "Can I do better?" Here are 6 steps that can improve your relationship or help you decide what to do.

Do you doubt whether you still love your partner or wonder whether "Is it me?" "Can I do better?" Here are 6 steps that can improve your relationship or help you decide what to do.

Narcissism

Dating a Narcissist

Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT on December 3, 2020

You may not know you're dating a narcissist. They're often skilled game-players. Be prepared. Learn their tricks and find out what to expect so you're not ensnared by seduction.

You may not know you're dating a narcissist. They're often skilled game-players. Be prepared. Learn their tricks and find out what to expect so you're not ensnared by seduction.

Relationships

Are You Sabotaging the Love You Want?

Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT on November 1, 2020

We all need love. But when our relationships repeatedly disappoint us, examining why may reveal a startling answer.

We all need love. But when our relationships repeatedly disappoint us, examining why may reveal a startling answer.

Relationships

How We Lose Ourselves in Relationships

Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT on October 3, 2020

Dependency can creep into a relationship in small, unnoticed ways. The struggle to achieve autonomy requires courage and often help.

Dependency can creep into a relationship in small, unnoticed ways. The struggle to achieve autonomy requires courage and often help.