How to Stay Sane This Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is supposed to be the most romantic day of the year, where established couples celebrate their love and affection and people in the early days of dating use the day’s romantic vibes to explore their feelings for each other. In reality, however, many couples split up around Valentine’s Day or have significant arguments. But why is it that the day of romance often ends in tears?

Many couples don’t explicitly communicate their expectations around Valentine’s Day. This is understandable, because this day is loaded with lots of emotions and cultural meaning. Maybe one person in the couple never celebrated a Valentine’s Day in high school and now has the unspoken and maybe even unconscious idea that a lack of Valentine’s plans is a lack of love. Maybe their partner had felt pressured in past relationships to buy expensive gifts and spend a lot of money they didn’t have, and has come to resent the commercial aspect of showing love. Both people’s perspectives make sense given their personal history, but can lead to hurt if not communicated to the partner. So, step one, talk about what the day means to you and whether you’ve been hurt by a partner’s actions or inactions around that day in the past.

Many couples also compare themselves to others. It’s difficult not to, especially on social media where #datenight and #couplesgoals have millions of posts. But remember that social media posts often only reflect part of the relationship. The couple that posts their luxurious romantic getaway might have had to cut back on other expenses for months to be able to afford it. The couple that looks stunning in all of their pictures might have spent the day changing outfits and taking endless pictures instead of connecting with each other. For step two, think about what is important to you, and how you’d like to feel this Valentine’s Day, not what you want the pictures to look like.

Finally, romance is really subjective. Some people don’t care at all about flowers but love it if their partner remembers their favorite books or music. Some people would rather ignore Valentine’s Day but do a romantic summer getaway later in the year. Think about what romance means to you and to your partner, or if you’re single, how you can treat yourself to the self-care day of your dreams. It doesn’t have to be what other people dream of. Use the opportunity to bring romance into your life, whatever that looks like to you.