The Midlife Shift From Being Led to Leading

Midlife is a time of emotional transition, when we shift from being learners to leaders, marked by a shift of identity. We move from focusing on checking life’s boxes—career, family, friends—to asking: ‘How can I make it all meaningful? Where do I fit in the world and how can I make sure my footprint is deep enough?' This is when we recognize a desire to give back (Erikson, 1950). The ways in which we can create our footprint include mentorship, volunteering, and philanthropy. These serve as powerful tools for personal growth, connection, and purpose in midlife and beyond.

Midlife brings a set of developmental milestones that often include feeling the call to contribute to future generations and leave a meaningful impact. It is the time in our lives when we first really start to reflect and think about ourselves in the world, rather than simply ourselves on a ladder of success. We know what it looks like for those who aren't in this stage when they reach midlife and older. They fail to engage outside themselves, which leads to frustration, a feeling that life presents challenges rather than opportunities, and a sense of purposelessness.

Take Ebenezer Scrooge in A Christmas Carol. He had wealth, status, and success but was miserable. It wasn’t until he saw the power of giving back that he found joy. This transformation mirrors the midlife shift toward generativity, when we realize fulfillment comes from the impact we have on others. When we see ourselves as individuals in the world, we see opportunity for impact. When we see ourselves only in our own lives, we see challenges and cannot see our impact on others and the world, which creates frustration and can hold us back, or leave us feeling stagnant.

Midlife is unlike earlier life stages when external rewards (promotions, money, status) drive motivation. There is an internal shift that moves us toward meaning and fulfillment that hits right around age 40 (though it can be later for many). Midlifers start seeking connections and look to build a legacy rather than just achieve career advancement. Research shows that individuals in this stage seek connections and legacy building over career advancement in the workplace (Kram & Ragins, 2007).

We tend to shift from extrinsic to intrinsic motivation when it comes to our fulfilment in the second half of life. We move from being led to leaders not only because of a shift in perspective, but because decades of living lead to increased emotional intelligence and problem-solving skills that make midlifers more effective in leading others. Reflection on past experiences and learning from mistakes enhances wisdom sharing and builds resilience. After all, midlifers have walked the talk, and have the cognitive and emotional experience under their belts to use for the pivot from being led to becoming a leader. In the wokrplace, this may mean leadership roles such as mentoring, leadership in organizations, or a shift to a leadership position.

Leadership and mentorship are not the same; many leaders guide teams but do not actively mentor individuals. Leadership involves guiding teams and making decisions, but it doesn't necessarily include intentional knowledge transfer or personal connection. Midlifers may pivot to a leadership role and others may pivot to mentorship roles, whether hierarchical or lateral. The key is that midlifers have an innate desire to give back and to shift from being led to leading.

Mentorship involves an emotional component that is transformative (Heiser, 2024) and involves shared goals, trust, and an emotional investment. It helps reaffirm the mentor's own knowledge, strengthen identity (outside of a work title), and provide a renewed sense of relevance. This emotional connection that comes from being a mentor leads to increased well-being and fulfilment in midlife, which counteracts potential burnout or emotional stagnation.

How to Transition from Being Led to Leading

1. Recognize Your Own Growth. Reflect on lessons learned and experiences that shaped your journey. Identify areas where you can offer wisdom and support to others.

2. Seek Out Mentorship Opportunities. Engage in formal mentoring programs in the workplace or community. Connect with younger professionals, students, or peers who can benefit from your insight.

3. Embrace Lateral Mentorship. Engage in conversations with colleagues to exchange skills and experiences. Recognize that mentorship is a two-way street, and that growth happens at all levels.

4. Reframe Mentorship as a Legacy-Building Activity. Instead of viewing mentorship as an obligation, see it as an opportunity to shape the future. Share knowledge, values, and strategies that have contributed to your success.

Midlife is a pivotal stage for growth. Whether formally or informally, you can step into a leadership role by sharing your expertise, guiding those around you, and embracing mentorship as a path to fulfillment, relevance, and impact. Leadership doesn't have to be a formal role. It can be one within your personal circle, or with those lateral to you in the workplace. Embrace generative activities such as mentorship as a means of staying engaged, relevant, and fulfilled, and supporting your pivot from being led to being a leader.