Tips on raising a teen with autism

Last week I wrote about the things parents need to know about teens in general when you are raising an adolescent on the autism spectrum. As a parent you will need lots of practical tips to help you and your teen on the spectrum not only survive the adolescent years, but to grow in a positive way. Here are but a few - I will publish some more soon:

• Allow the teen to be non-compliant in appropriate ways. Non-compliance in a teen on the spectrum is harder to handle than with neurotypical teens, but it starts by giving them more choices over their day. Whether or not they have autism, there's a definite ‘shift' in behavior and personality when children turn into teenagers. Wanting your attention changes to wanting their independence. For kids on the spectrum, this behavior change may look like non-compliance; they don't follow through on your requests as before. But it's actually a normal part of their development, entirely aside from their autism. As a parent it's important to support your teen as he struggles to become his own person, and even though it may be hard to appreciate, this is a positive development. After years of being taught to do as he is told, your teen needs to start learning that it is acceptable at times to say ‘No,' or he might find himself in dangerous situations with peers or others looking for an easy victim to prey upon.

• Teenagers need to learn to make their own choices. Giving choices to your growing teen will teach him about decision making and accepting the consequences of his choice (good and bad), as well as help him realize he will eventually have more control over his own life. This applies no matter what the functioning level of the child. Offer him choices, regularly, and abide by the choice he makes. Remember, as he gets older he will want and need to be more involved in his life and his transition planning. By letting him make choices now (within your parameters at first) you are teaching him valuable life skills.

• Explain to your child about his/her changing body. Imagine how scary it must be to realize your body is going through some strange metamorphosis and you don't know why, and yet there is nothing you can do about it. This is especially difficult for those who do not like change. Whether your child has Asperger's Syndrome and has sat through hygiene classes at school, or he is more impacted by autism and you're not sure how much he understands, it is important to discuss the changing male and female body in a simple way he can understand. Otherwise, your teen may be overly anxious and agitated when she starts menstruating or when he has wet dreams. Visuals that include photos or drawings and simple words may be helpful, especially at the beginning. Be concrete and don't overwhelm - this is certainly not a one-time talk!

• Watch out for seizures. One out of every four teenagers will develop seizures during puberty, according to the Autism Research Institute. Although the exact reason is not known, this seizure activity may be due to hormonal changes in the body. For many, the seizures are small and sub clinical, not typically detected by simple observation. Some signs that a teen may be experiencing sub clinical seizures include making little or no academic gains after doing well during childhood and preteen years, losing some behavioral and / or cognitive gains, or exhibiting behavior problems such as self injury, aggression and severe tantruming that do not appear to have an antecedent or pattern.

For parents and educators who need more indepth information, read my book Adolescents on the Autism Spectrum (Penguin).