The Myth of "The One That Got Away"

When we tell ourselves that we lost “the one,” we create a myth—one that makes every future relationship feel like a consolation prize. Like we missed the door to some perfect love, and now we’re just fumbling through side exits. But love doesn’t work that way. People don’t “get away.” They leave, or we leave, or life rearranges the pieces. And if someone was truly meant to stay, they would have.

The Myth of the One That Got Away

Holding onto the idea that someone was supposed to stay when they didn’t is a way of rewriting history. It turns memories into fiction, into something grander and more tragic than it really was. But, the truth is, love isn’t defined by who stayed or who left—it’s defined by who was truly present while they were there.

The longing for what could have been keeps us anchored in the past, tethered to an illusion instead of living in what’s real. We romanticize people once they’re gone, turning them into something they never actually were. But the people meant for us don’t slip through our fingers like sand; they leave fingerprints, impressions that last, but they don’t linger beyond their time.

Making Peace With Endings

The truth is, the people who are meant for us don’t escape. They impact us, shape us, sometimes break us—but they don’t “get away.” They just complete their role in our story. And if we’re brave enough to let go of the fantasy, we make space for what’s real.

Letting go doesn’t mean the love wasn’t real. It doesn’t mean the connection didn’t matter. It means accepting that not all love stories are meant to last forever, and that’s OK. Some people are lessons, not lifetimes. Some loves are chapters, not the entire book.

Steps to Let Go of the One Who “Got Away”

1. Acknowledge the story you’re telling yourself. Recognize the myth you’ve created around this person. Are you idealizing them? Are you focusing only on the good and ignoring the reasons it didn’t work? Challenge the narrative that they were the only one for you.
2. Reframe the relationship as a chapter, not the whole book. Just because someone was significant doesn’t mean they were supposed to be permanent. Shift your perspective from loss to gratitude. They were part of your journey, not the destination.
3. Detach from the fantasy. The hardest part of letting go is separating reality from the dream you built. Write down what was real versus what you imagined. This helps in seeing them as a person, not an unattainable ideal.
4. Create closure for yourself. Closure doesn’t have to come from them—it comes from you. Write a letter to them (you don’t have to send it) to say what you need to say. Acknowledge what they meant to you, then consciously release them.
5. Remove triggers that keep you stuck. Stop checking their social media, revisiting old messages, or playing “your song.” These small actions keep the wound open. Create boundaries with yourself to prevent unnecessary longing.
6. Redirect your energy to the present. Focus on your life now. Invest in hobbies, friendships, and goals that excite you. Every time you catch yourself dwelling on the past, shift your focus to something that fuels your present growth.
7. Trust that love will come again. Love isn’t scarce. The belief that this was your only chance at real love is a lie. The right person will come into your life when you’re open, present, and ready to receive them—not when you’re clinging to a ghost.

Opening the Door to What’s Next

The more we chase what’s already finished, the more we miss what’s right in front of us. Life doesn’t take away what’s meant for us; it clears the way for what’s next. Every ending is an opening, every goodbye is space for a new hello. And when we stop chasing ghosts, we finally see the people who are truly here.

No one “got away.” They just weren’t meant to stay. And in their absence, life is making room for something new—something real, something present, something that isn’t a shadow of the past but a light in the now.

If you want to dive more into this, check out my podcast.

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