A narcissist walks into a bar
A narcissist walks into a bar.
"What can I get you?" asks the bartender.
"Something," says the narcissist, gesturing toward all the other customers, "that's better than whatever they're having."
What does the narcissist say as you awaken from a six-month coma at the hospital?
"I've been sitting here for an hour and you haven't even mentioned my new haircut."
You: "You never listen to me."
Narcissist: "Huh? I wasn't listening."
Who are you?
You: "Hi, it's me, your old friend and former mentor who let you stay in my house and drive my car for six months and loaned you money when you were broke and gave you your first big break that got you started in this industry."
Narcissist: "Sorry, you're who?"
You should have known
You: "Argh! You knocked my coffee cup out of my hand! I'm bleeding! And I think I've just gone deaf!"
Narcissist: "You should have known that I was about to enter the breakfast room while operating a propeller-like device with whirling daggers which also emits operatic arias at 120 decibels. How could you not have known that?"
What does the narcissist say after losing a game of cribbage, basketball, or chess?
You: "You're a narcissist. You make everything about yourself, you can't see how your behavior harms others, and when they complain you gaslight them."
What does a narcissist say after watching a hapless stranger stumble over the edge of a cliff and seize the slender branches of a bush overhanging the abyss?