Skip to main content

Verified by Psychology Today


A Narcissist Walks Into a Bar

They make us laugh because they make us cry.

Has a narcissist ever driven you to despair? Sometimes jokes are the best revenge.

A narcissist walks into a bar

A narcissist walks into a bar.

"What can I get you?" asks the bartender.

"Something," says the narcissist, gesturing toward all the other customers, "that's better than whatever they're having."

Six-month coma

What does the narcissist say as you awaken from a six-month coma at the hospital?

"I've been sitting here for an hour and you haven't even mentioned my new haircut."

Anneli Rufus
Source: Anneli Rufus

Listen up

You: "You never listen to me."

Narcissist: "Huh? I wasn't listening."

Who are you?

You: "Hi, it's me, your old friend and former mentor who let you stay in my house and drive my car for six months and loaned you money when you were broke and gave you your first big break that got you started in this industry."

Narcissist: "Sorry, you're who?"

You should have known

You: "Argh! You knocked my coffee cup out of my hand! I'm bleeding! And I think I've just gone deaf!"

Narcissist: "You should have known that I was about to enter the breakfast room while operating a propeller-like device with whirling daggers which also emits operatic arias at 120 decibels. How could you not have known that?"


What does the narcissist say after losing a game of cribbage, basketball, or chess?

"You cheated!"

Anneli Rufus
Source: Anneli Rufus


You: "You're a narcissist. You make everything about yourself, you can't see how your behavior harms others, and when they complain you gaslight them."

Narcissist: "You really should see a therapist about your delusions, hostility, and anger-management issues. It saddens me to know that you're so mentally ill."

Hapless stranger

What does a narcissist say after watching a hapless stranger stumble over the edge of a cliff and seize the slender branches of a bush overhanging the abyss?

"Good luck!"