Verified by 
For those of us who are “commitment-phobic,” we may fear that the costs of marriage will outweigh its rewards.
Often, this fear doesn’t stop us from getting married, but may stop us from giving ourselves fully to our relationship. There is a tendency to put our own needs (or what we think are our needs) before our partner’s, in an attempt to compensate for losing our freedom. Not surprisingly, this strategy doesn’t work.
Such a struggle to maintain control results in increased suffering for both partners. In time, the one holding back can come to realize that the gifts we receive are far greater than the preferences that we give up.
Ultimately, our partner’s well-being can become as important to us as our own. In the process, we can experience greater fulfillment and joy than we have ever known. It turns out that sacrificing our desire for control and gratification in favor of a commitment to intimacy, mutual support, and spiritual growth is what makes our cup run over.
We may come to realize that the outcome is a bargain at a hundred times the price!
None of this is to downplay the sacrifices we are sometimes called upon to make in marriage. No, we can’t always do what we want when we want. At the least, we have to negotiate and coordinate with another person’s preferences, tastes, timetable, and styles.
We can’t always get to choose the video, the ice cream, the carpet, the restaurant, or the vacation destination. We may at some point be asked to move across the country for a spouse’s career, to have fewer or more children than we’d like, or to care for aging in-laws. We may even be called upon to go through unforeseen periods of hardship, addiction, depression, serious illness, or tragedy. If we stay together, at some point we will either endure the death of our partner, or our partner will endure ours.
In learning to let go of the need to always have things our way, it becomes possible to create a harmonious relationship that brings a much deeper level of fulfillment than does the gratification of ego-based desire.
When we create a shared history with another person, security and trust develop, allowing for a depth of intimacy that’s not possible in more superficial relationships. Most importantly, in all of this, we become more loving human beings.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We’re giving away 3 e-books absolutely free of charge. To receive them just click here. You’ll also receive our monthly newsletter.
Be sure to follow us on Facebook and don’t miss our Facebook Live presentations every Thursday at 12:30 PST.
