Tips to Guide Kids Toward Body Positivity

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by Makenzie Schroeder, PhD student, Department of Communication, University of Missouri

It’s that time of the year again. With Halloween and Thanksgiving recently passing, we suddenly find ourselves awash with Christmas and New Year’s festivities. At this point in the holiday cycle, we are constantly faced with celebrations that have two things in common: family and food.

For many people, being surrounded by food at these social gatherings can be intimidating. Food can feel scary and induce feelings like anxiety and dread. Studies have shown that we’ve been socialized since birth to fear “overeating” and weight gain and to avoid certain foods because of it.¹ Since being indoctrinated with these teachings from our parents, we often unintentionally push these same beliefs onto our own children—that eating too much food (or unhealthy food) is a dark, harsh path no one should tread as it leads right into the “evil” clutches of fatness.

We have become convinced that the true “fun size” is still fitting into our jeans from high school, and, as they overhear our complaints, our kids start believing that, too. We’re taught that weight gain for us—and our kids—should be avoided at all costs, even if it means passing up on a slice of grandma’s incredible apple pie. And it’s not on purpose that we are pushing these ideas onto our children—as parents, the goal isn’t to make our kids feel bad about their bodies. It’s just the way we’ve learned to parent that has been carried on for generations.

These barriers can feel nearly impossible to overcome when learning to celebrate all body types and trying to teach our kids to do the same. So, what can we do to help our kids to have body positivity and feel excited—not guilty—for enjoying this holiday season? Here are some research-based tips for helping your children in their journey to self-love and body appreciation:

1. Don’t tell your child they need to lose weight. I understand that you want your child to be healthy, but weight isn’t always the best indicator of that (take the BMI, for example, which many studies and experts have declared to be junk science). If your child has gained weight, don’t bring it up, and ask your family not to bring it up either. When kids are labeled as fat, and when fat equates to bad, it sticks with them. As noted in research, these labels can make kids feel unlovable and ashamed. Because of harmful societal expectations around what we should eat and how we should look, weight often gets linked to one’s career success or ability to eventually find a romantic partner, for example.² This can turn into an unpleasant future riddled with low self-esteem and disordered eating.
2. Avoid talking about your own desire to lose weight around your children. We all know that kids are like sponges—all they need is to hear something one time and it sticks. Which is probably why it’s equally funny and terrifying when your toddler drops the “F” bomb. It’s the same idea with weight talk. Research has shown that when our children hear that we need to lose weight or need to be thin, they start thinking that’s what they should strive for, too.³ Not to mention, studies have linked weight talk to dysfunctional dieting and poor mental health outcomes in kids.⁴
3. Encourage your children to appreciate themselves and their bodies. Thin shouldn’t equal beautiful; all bodies are beautiful. Research has demonstrated that people who appreciate their bodies (i.e., they accept and respect their bodies for what they are) are less likely to experience negative body image from media that idealizes thinness.⁵ So, the sooner we teach our children that they should love what they look like, the better.
4. Don’t place value on being a nibbler. What is a nibbler, you might be thinking? Well, this is the person at the party who eats one carrot stick, only to be dipped lightly in fat-free dressing, and claims that they are full—the fullest they have ever been, in fact! While it’s totally acceptable to only graze on party platters, it is problematic to encourage this type of restrictive eating because, let’s face it—no one’s appetite is satisfied from eating a single vegetable. In this vein, research suggests avoiding communicating to your kids that eating “too much” is bad. Doing so can lead to kids internalizing fatphobia, and these feelings can carry into adulthood.⁶ These types of messages can also impact the likelihood of your child engaging in disordered eating, or, in other words, becoming a problematic nibbler.
5. Model healthy behaviors. Rather than explicitly telling your child that they should look or be a certain way or weight—or encouraging them to be the nibbler—opt to model healthy habits. This is one of the best ways to get your child on board with an active and healthy lifestyle. Rather than putting pressure on how we look, we should focus on what our bodies need to function properly.⁷ So, go for a walk together, eat veggies, and do all the things that encourage healthy living, just without the nasty side effects of weight talk.

If you have already caught yourself doing some of the things that we’ve talked about avoiding, it’s OK. It is never too late to start these healthy habits and message strategies. If you haven’t already, this holiday season is the perfect time to begin. We all want what’s best for our kids, and helping them along their journey of learning to love themselves, including their bodies, is a great place to start.