Relationships
3 Signs That a Relationship No Longer Serves You
If you see these three signs, it's time to reconsider your relationship.
Posted May 12, 2025 Reviewed by Lybi Ma
Breakups often feel like they happen suddenly, but in reality, relationships never end in an instant. Instead, they unravel slowly — and most often, in subtle and easily overlooked ways.
When you are deeply invested in your relationship, going through the motions is a lot easier than confronting what is wrong. However, if you pay attention to the little details, you see where things are headed, and how urgently change is needed.
Here are three key signs that a relationship may be nearing its end.
1. They Can’t Make You Laugh Anymore
At the beginning of a relationship, small rituals, routines, and inside jokes are strong reinforcers of unity for couples. Moments that may seem silly or insignificant to others — like sharing a particular greeting, familiarly teasing one another or even speaking to each other in silly voices — can be great sources of comfort and familiarity for partners. But over time, if a relationship starts to deteriorate, these once-enjoyable moments can feel mechanical — or even irritating.
Imagine, for instance, that you and your partner have always had a running joke about a funny experience from years ago. For years, it made you both laugh every time. But lately, when they bring it up, you roll your eyes instead of smile. It doesn’t spark joy anymore; it feels more like an obligation to pretend it’s still funny.
According to 2020 research published in Humor, one of the key indicators of satisfaction in romantic relationships is how partners receive and respond to one another’s attempts at making each other laugh. As the author explains, if a partner’s positive relational humor is well-received, it generally contributes to a positive climate — which, in turn, provides a natural boost in relational satisfaction.
However, when humor is perceived negatively — or when one partner stops engaging with it altogether — it can signal deeper difficulties in the relationship. The study suggests that laughter and humor are vital contributors to a satisfying relationship, given that they’re great reinforcers of familiarity, joy, and connection.
When humor loses its impact and laughter becomes infrequent, it may be a sign that the emotional bond between partners is weakening.
Suddenly losing interest in your partner’s jokes doesn’t necessarily mean a breakup is inevitable, but it does suggest that emotional warmth in the relationship is likely fading. When those shared moments feel like a chore rather than a joy, it’s often a sign that emotional disengagement has set in.
2. They’re No Longer The ‘First Person’ You Talk To
One of the most fundamental aspects of a close relationship is emotional sharing: turning to your partner first when something important happens. It could be exciting news, a thought that’s been bothering them, or a challenge they need help with — no matter what they’re sharing, secure partners instinctively seek one another as a source of support, encouragement or to revel in the moment.
However, when a relationship is on the decline, this dynamic changes. Instead of reaching out to your partner first, you might hesitate. Perhaps you worry that they won’t react in a way that you’re hoping for, or maybe your past experiences have taught you that their response will be indifferent. As a result, you start turning to friends, family members, or even online communities for emotional connection instead.
Imagine that you’ve just gotten the news that you’ve been promoted at work — an achievement you’ve worked tirelessly for. Instead of texting your partner right away, you send a message to your best friend. It’s not that you don’t care what your partner thinks; it’s likely quite the contrary. However, you suspect their reaction will likely be lukewarm or even dismissive. Deep down, you want to celebrate with someone who will genuinely share in your excitement.
A 2021 study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that communication in relationships is more of a reflection of relationship satisfaction rather than a cause of it. Happy couples naturally communicate more — not because they are forcing it, but because their closeness inclines them to share their thoughts and experiences. Naturally, the inverse applies too: when satisfaction declines, communication declines.
When your partner stops feeling like your haven, the person you instinctively want to run to first with big news, it’s a strong indicator that the emotional core of the relationship has weakened. Over time, the lack of shared joy or sorrow — or any shared emotion — can create a distance that becomes harder to bridge with time.
3. Spending Time Apart Feels Like a Relief
In a healthy relationship, time spent apart usually results in strong feelings of longing; the longer the time spent apart, the more they miss each other and feel excited to reconnect. But in a deteriorating relationship, time apart doesn’t feel like a temporary absence; it feels like an escape.
Say, for instance, you’ve planned a weekend trip with your friends, with no significant others allowed to ensure optimal quality time. However, throughout the trip, you haven’t thought, “Wow, I wish my partner were here.”
Instead of missing them, you’ve felt a sense of relief. You don’t have to navigate tense conversations or pretend to be engaged when you’re emotionally checked out. Instead, you find yourself dreading the return home, back to reality. You know that your peaceful feelings while away will disappear when you reunite.
A 2020 study published in Family Relations examined why couples in unhappy relationships stay together despite their dissatisfaction. It found that many couples remain in these relationships due to external barriers, such as living together, having children, or having close familial ties.
However, over time, they come face-to-face with the reality that a better life or relationship is out there. As their emotional maturity develops, they may realize that they feel happier and more at ease when they are away from their partner. For many couples in the study, this was the epiphany they needed to take the first step toward making the difficult decision to leave their partner.
If you consistently feel more at ease on your own or constantly wonder if there’s more to life than what your partner can offer you, it may be time to ask yourself whether staying together is truly in your best interest.
A version of this post also appears on Forbes.com.
Facebook image: La Famiglia/Shutterstock
