Six Common Fears About Starting Relationship Therapy

Entering relationship therapy can be a daunting step for many couples. While it holds the promise of resolving conflicts, deepening understanding, and strengthening the bond between partners, the decision to seek therapy often comes with significant anxiety. This apprehension can stem from fears about vulnerability, stigma, perceived failures, or uncertainty about what therapy entails. By understanding the common reasons behind this anxiety, individuals and partners can better navigate their hesitations and approach therapy with an open mind.

1. Fear of vulnerability. One of the primary reasons people feel anxious about starting relationship therapy is the fear of vulnerability. Therapy requires a level of honesty and emotional openness that can feel uncomfortable, particularly for those unaccustomed to sharing their innermost thoughts and feelings. Many individuals worry about exposing their flaws, insecurities, or past mistakes, fearing judgment from both the therapist and their partner. This fear is often rooted in the belief that revealing weaknesses could harm their relationship or make them appear inadequate. Additionally, some people struggle with the idea of confronting emotions they have suppressed for a long time, as doing so can be painful and disorienting. This fear of being vulnerable can prevent individuals from embracing the process of therapy, even when they recognize its potential benefits.
2. Fear of how you will be perceived / stigma surrounding relationship therapy. Another significant source of anxiety is the stigma surrounding relationship therapy. Part of that worry may stem from fear of negative evaluation or even worries about how you’ll be perceived by the therapist. Take comfort in knowing that therapists view people who are curious and willing to work on their relationship health as incredibly courageous! Despite growing awareness and acceptance of mental health services, many people still view seeking therapy as an admission of failure. This stigma can be particularly strong in cultures or communities that prioritize self-reliance or consider private matters to be kept within the family. Couples may worry about how others will perceive them, fearing judgment or assumptions that their relationship is “on the brink” or “broken.” For some, this external pressure can lead to feelings of shame, making it difficult to acknowledge the need for therapy openly. Overcoming this stigma requires reframing therapy as a proactive and healthy step rather than a sign of weakness or defeat. Keep in mind that licensed, independently practicing therapists train for many years in order to provide treatment to the public. Professional standards and ethics require therapists to practice with careful attention dedicated to protecting a client’s privacy and confidentiality.
3. The uncertainty about what to expect in therapy is another common reason people feel anxious. For many, the idea of sitting down with a stranger to discuss deeply personal issues is (unsurprisingly) intimidating, especially if they have never experienced therapy before. Questions like “What if the therapist doesn’t understand us?” or “What if therapy doesn’t work?” can create a sense of doubt and hesitation. Additionally, the structured nature of therapy may feel unnatural or uncomfortable for those who are used to dealing with problems privately or informally. This fear of the unknown can make the first steps toward therapy feel particularly daunting, even when couples recognize its potential value.
4. The fear of being blamed or criticized during therapy also contributes to anxiety. Many individuals enter therapy with the belief that the process will involve one partner being “at fault” for the issues in the relationship. This fear can be especially pronounced if one partner has been more vocal about the need for therapy, leading the other to feel defensive or apprehensive about being unfairly targeted. Similarly, some people worry that the therapist will side with one partner over the other, exacerbating existing tensions. These concerns often stem from misconceptions about the role of a therapist, who is trained to take a contextual approach and focus on facilitating productive communication and understanding rather than assigning blame. In relationship therapy, the relationship is the client — not one person over another.
5. Financial concerns can also create anxiety about starting relationship therapy. Therapy is often perceived as a significant investment, both in terms of money and time. Additionally, it is also most commonly not seen as a typical expense in households, which contributes to the lack of familiarity when considering the cost. For couples with tight budgets or busy schedules, the thought of committing to weekly or biweekly sessions can feel overwhelming. Questions about whether the benefits of therapy will justify the cost or whether they can realistically sustain the commitment may lead some to delay or avoid starting the process altogether. While some therapists offer sliding scale fees or shorter-term interventions, the financial aspect remains a legitimate concern that can compound anxiety for those already grappling with relationship stress. It can be helpful to keep in mind that relationship therapy is often more short term and structured in nature. While of course it depends on the presenting issues and personal commitment to the process, a common average course of treatment will typically be somewhere between 12-15 sessions. It can be helpful to anticipate your particular barriers to therapy and talk with the others involved about what can be done to anticipate the time and expense, and help you to plan accordingly.
6. For some, anxiety about therapy stems from a fear of change. Therapy often involves challenging established patterns of behavior, communication, and thinking, which can feel destabilizing. Even when these patterns are unhealthy or no longer useful, they provide a sense of familiarity and predictability. The prospect of change can evoke resistance, as individuals fear losing their sense of identity or control. For example, someone who is accustomed to avoiding conflict may worry about being pushed to address uncomfortable topics, while another partner may fear that therapy will expose irreconcilable differences. This fear of change can lead to doubts about whether therapy is worth the effort or whether it might inadvertently make things worse.

To help combat your fears of starting relationship therapy, try to picture a more ideal outcome. Perhaps each person desires for the relationship to work and to feel more satisfying, but each person also recognizes there are certain aspects that need to be addressed. Remind yourselves that all relationships need a little special attention from time to time and it’s very common to seek professional help (whether you hear of others doing the same or not). According to Terri Bacow, a psychologist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy, avoiding relationship therapy may only make your anxiety about it worse. "Often, avoiding an experience just strengthens our preconceived notions about it," she says. In contrast, "trying something that scares you will help you realize that it is not as difficult or scary as you think it is. You will learn that not only is it not so bad, it is actually beneficial.”

Despite these anxieties, it’s important to remember that relationship therapy is designed to provide a safe, supportive, and nonjudgmental space for growth. A skilled therapist will help couples navigate their fears, set realistic expectations, and work collaboratively toward their goals. Addressing the root causes of anxiety—whether they stem from stigma, vulnerability, or uncertainty—can make the journey into therapy less intimidating and more empowering. By taking that first step, couples open the door to deeper understanding, improved communication, and the potential for more satisfying connection. Rather than viewing therapy as a last resort, it can be reframed as a courageous and proactive investment in the health of the relationship.

To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.