Toxic Masculinity In and Outside of Prison

There is renewed interest today in the notion of “toxic masculinity.” The confirmation hearings for Judge Kavanaugh, the #MeToo movement, a spike in hate crimes, and a surge in misogyny and homophobia in political circles have reawakened interest in the project of raising boys who are not racist, sexist, or homophobic, and changing the toxic atmosphere in our social milieu. My understanding of toxic masculinity has expanded greatly with my research about men’s prisons.

Walking on a prison yard, I often feel like I am back in high school. Guys are working out, playing basketball, and challenging each other to fight. There are animosities between the races and the ugly drama of prison rape. It’s all about the male dominance hierarchy, and the prison drama contains painful lessons about just how toxic masculinity can become.

In previous discussions of this topic, I delineated four obvious structural elements of the male prison code (Kupers, 2001 & 2017).

1. There is an exaggerated dominance hierarchy wherein the toughest men dominate those who are less tough.
2. There is a sharp demarcation between those at the top of the dominance hierarchy and those at the bottom. At the top are the “real men,” whereas weaklings and “punks” populate the bottom of the hierarchy.
3. “The bottom is defined in terms of the feminine. Whether a man is known as a loser, a weakling, a snitch, or a punk, he is accused of being less than a man—in other words, a woman. . . . When one man beats up another and sodomizes him, the message is clear: ‘I, the dominant man, have the right and the power to use you, the loser, sexually, as if you were a woman and my slave’.”
4. There is a narrowing of personal possibilities, and men are forced to act in hyper-masculine and dominating ways merely to prove they are not feminine, they are not anyone’s “punk.” This hyper-masculinity reinforces the misogyny and toxic masculinity that are central to the male prison culture.

I have described toxic masculinity as “the constellation of socially regressive male traits that serve to foster domination, the devaluation of women, homophobia, and wanton violence” (Kupers, 2005). But toxic masculinity is more about relations based on the dominance hierarchy than it is any particular attributes of individual males. In prison, toxic masculinity erupts in fights on the prison yard, assaults on officers, and the ugly phenomenon of prison rape.

But the prison code that reigns in men’s prisons is merely an exaggeration of the unspoken “male code” on the outside. According to both, a “manly man” does not display weakness of any kind, does not display emotions other than anger, does not depend on anyone, is never vulnerable, and suffers pain in silence. Misogyny is one aspect of toxic masculinity. After all, one way to make it obvious that one is manly is to denigrate the feminine, to stigmatize feminine qualities in other men, and to dominate and abuse men who seemingly exhibit female characteristics. For the perpetrator of sexual assault, there is this further advantage in stigmatizing the victim as feminine: That way, the perpetrator can subjectively imagine himself engaging in heterosexual, not homosexual sex.

Not all prisoners are misogynistic, nor are they all abusive toward weaker male prisoners. Many are friendly and caring and protect more vulnerable peers without demanding sexual favors in return. Quite a few prisoners tell me that they would never have survived their time in prison had it not been for the kindness and mentoring of other prisoners. But there are abusive men among the prison population. Moreover, the prison code prohibits “snitching.” As a result, there is a danger that kind and caring prisoners will inevitably become collusive in the sexual assaults that occur simply because they are constrained from reporting or taking action to halt the assaults.

How different is this from the way men behave outside of prison? Actual violence is less prevalent, but an equivalent dominance hierarchy holds sway in too many settings today. Don’t get me wrong, I am definitely not saying that toxic masculinity is the “norm” for male behavior, not in prison and not outside of prison. Nor am I saying that there is something innately toxic about masculinity itself. Toxic masculinity is only one of many possible forms of masculinity. Very many men are caring and supportive of gender and racial equality, and in other historical and cultural contexts, non-toxic forms of masculinity can and have become hegemonic. Rather, the notion of toxic masculinity describes certain unfortunate tendencies enacted by some, but far from all men, and certain settings foster its emergence. Much of the current robust public discussion of gendered behavior usefully focuses on ways we can raise boys who are not sexist, homophobic or racist, and who enjoy peaceful and mutually respectful relationships.