Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture

Hungarian-Jewish physician Gabor Maté survived World War II because his mother, in an act of desperation, sent him away from Nazi-occupied Budapest to be cared for by his aunt. He was just 11 months old. While his mother’s actions were well-intentioned, they left Maté with a lifelong feeling of abandonment and invisibility.

In The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture, co-written with his son Daniel Maté, Gabor recounts how, 70 years later, his wife forgot to pick him up from the airport. This seemingly minor oversight triggered deep wounds, leaving him feeling hurt and acting childishly resentful for days. The incident activated an emotional and physical response that returned him to his earliest experiences. This, Maté explains, is trauma.

“Trauma,” is a Greek term meaning wound. “Trauma is not what happens to you, but what happens inside you.” He compares it to a car accident: The event is the crash, but the injury is the lingering fear of driving afterward. Trauma, he argues, is a psychological wound embedded in the nervous system, mind, and body, which can be triggered years after the event. Like a wound, trauma has two key characteristics: first, even a seemingly harmless incident can reopen it; second, trauma can develop into a scar, leaving the person hardened, inflexible, and emotionally distant.

As Maté’s own story illustrates, trauma is not reserved for horrific events like death, illness, divorce, or assault. Instead, it stems from how individuals experience and process events internally. This understanding can help us realize that we are not alone in our struggles, that trauma is a universal human experience.

The Body and Mind as One

The central argument is that many people today suffer from trauma and mental illness because they have lost touch with themselves. This existential disconnection is tied to a flawed development of humanity caused by an opportunistic and competitive culture.

It is hard to disagree. Stress, burnout, depression, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, and various forms of addiction have become staples of modern life. According to Maté, these are natural reactions to an unhealthy culture—symptoms of living in ways that are disconnected from our human nature. What society considers “normal” is, in fact, a myth.

Much of The Myth of Normal critiques how medicine has historically ignored the connection between body and mind. Maté emphasizes that humans are not simply bodies or minds but embodied beings—thinking bodies and feeling minds. This view aligns with trauma research, which shows that the body retains memories and that any transformative healing must engage the felt, sensory experience of the body.

The book’s recurring theme is trauma, and Maté illustrates how it pervades our lives. He describes how systemic discrimination leads minorities to suffer disproportionately from conditions like asthma. He notes how women with posttraumatic stress disorder are more likely to develop ovarian cancer and recounts how many pregnant women feel pressured into cesarean deliveries, losing touch with their bodies during one of life’s most profound and potentially beautiful moments, which increases the risk of trauma for both mother and baby.

Maté also highlights how bullying and peer pressure cause many young people to suppress their vulnerability. To avoid disappointment, they become emotionally cold, allowing the trauma to leave its mark as a scar. Similarly, he discusses how societal norms have taught many men to equate vulnerability, sadness, and grief with weakness, perpetuating suffering.

Moving From Blame to Compassion

Despite society’s pervasive lack of care and attention, Maté urges us to move past blame and guilt on the path to healing. Healing, he argues, involves shifting from self-reproach to curiosity, from shame to action. This emphasis on self-awareness and compassion can make us feel empowered and hopeful, knowing that we have the tools within us to heal.

Trauma Essential Reads

When Childhood Trauma Cannot Be Shared

Relational Trauma: Beyond Adverse Caregiver Experiences

Maté outlines several pathways to healing, emphasizing the importance of becoming whole by acknowledging and exploring one’s wounds.

One path to healing involves living authentically, taking personal responsibility, embracing healthy anger to set boundaries, and ultimately accepting what has happened to let it go. The goal is to avoid being stuck in the past but to understand it enough to release its hold. This emphasis on living authentically and embracing vulnerability can inspire and motivate us to take control of our healing journey.

Another complementary path is compassionate and curious inquiry, where individuals learn to coexist with their pain, contextualize their trauma, and understand its truth. This is not about avoiding pain but seeing it as part of the healing process. Compassionate inquiry also involves being open to the mysterious and possible as we unravel our stories. It is about reclaiming the life forces that trauma and pain have suppressed.

Maté suggests a weekly practice of asking yourself six questions to foster compassion and prevent your body from saying no:

1. What am I not saying no to in my life’s essential areas? For instance, what compromises am I making or suppressing?
2. How does my inability to say no affect my life? How does this manifest physically, mentally, and interpersonally?
3. What bodily signals have I ignored? Are there symptoms I’ve overlooked that could be warnings?
4. What’s the hidden story behind my inability to say no? What beliefs or narratives do I uncritically repeat?
5. Where did I learn these stories? Have I created these narratives as a form of protection? For example, a child ignored by their parents might tell themselves they are unworthy of attention.
6. Where have I ignored or rejected the “yes” that wanted to be expressed? Have I acted dishonestly or unconsciously?

In essence, “Do I know myself well enough to care for myself?” If not, Maté offers a path to self-awareness through self-compassion, helping us become whole, authentic individuals who live more honestly and harmoniously in body and mind.

For skeptics wary of terms like compassion, holism, or well-being, Maté grounds his arguments in scientific research often overlooked in our “abnormal” collective pursuit of economic growth, status, and power. While these pursuits have brought many advancements, they have also caused widespread illness and suffering.

Maté’s book offers a way forward—toward healing, authenticity, and a more compassionate way of being.